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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Did you miss the part where I said I wouldn't care or find it disrespectful if he had other dates without telling me? He's not my boyfriend and he can do what he wants.
Didn't miss it. It also wasn't what I was talking about. Which is considering moving an established date for a date with another person. You ended up not doing it (because you didn't need to), but you were considering it, which is just rude, and telling and not ethical in the sphere of dating multiple people.
There is nothing wrong with multi dating. There is something wrong with not treating people, even people you don't know, with the respect you'd like to be given.
It's the sense that the OP gives that she owes none of them anything, when, even with strangers, you owe them something: common courtesy.
So what guy is she most interested in? The guy she had went on two dates with already, or the guy she reached back in the past for?
All this multi-dating stuff just makes me breath a sigh of relief. Just reading these post make me want to eat popcorn and keep refreshing the thread, while also slightly increasing my anxiety. I say the OP can do what she pleases, but I'm a firm believer that once you start juggling you tend to lose the bunch.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
All this multi-dating stuff just makes me breath a sigh of relief. Just reading these post make me want to eat popcorn and keep refreshing the thread, while also slightly increasing my anxiety. I say the OP can do what she pleases, but I'm a firm believer that once you start juggling you tend to lose the bunch.
There is multi dating, which is one thing. Then there is rescheduling a person when you have plans established to try to fit in another person, which is something else. Then there is having one person you really want to see and having everyone else as fall backs. I don't know many people that think it is acceptable to have something scheduled, then moving that person to another day to fit in someone else. No one would like to be treated as a fall back / back up date, so don't do it to others. Its actually fairly simple. Conceptually, anyway.
Didn't miss it. It also wasn't what I was talking about. Which is considering moving an established date for a date with another person. You ended up not doing it (because you didn't need to), but you were considering it, which is just rude, and telling and not ethical in the sphere of dating multiple people.
Rude or not, if after two dates with me, this guy had a chance to go out with the woman of his dreams and decided to cancel on me in order to do so, that's his choice. It's his life and I don't expect him to make my feelings a priority at this point.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Rude or not, if after two dates with me, this guy had a chance to go out with the woman of his dreams and decided to cancel on me in order to do so, that's his choice. It's his life and I don't expect him to make my feelings a priority at this point.
Yes, it would be his choice. His choice to be rude.
Most of us prefer not to date rude people. And if someone is rude like that, I'd rather not reschedule with them. Most (good) people would not.
There is multi dating, which is one thing. Then there is rescheduling a person when you have plans established to try to fit in another person, which is something else. Then there is having one person you really want to see and having everyone else as fall backs. I don't know many people that think it is acceptable to have something scheduled, then moving that person to another day to fit in someone else. No one would like to be treated as a fall back / back up date, so don't do it to others. Its actually fairly simple. Conceptually, anyway.
That is the point, precisely, but SLS can't or won't see it.
Yes, it would be his choice. His choice to be rude.
Most of us prefer not to date rude people. And if someone is rude like that, I'd rather not reschedule with them. Most (good) people would not.
"Rude" is subjective. I think you're rude and people still date you. Meanwhile, this guy is texting me asking if he can see me today (I declined) and then he suggested that we could see each other two days this weekend instead of just one, so obviously he's cool with our interactions thus far.
That is the point, precisely, but SLS can't or won't see it.
She doesn't see it because it's not happening directly to her. She's driving the car in this situation and getting to date two guys at once. When you're dating to pursue a long-term relationship, it can be easy to just become the option to someone else. Maybe they are just truly looking to date around, or they really have no clue what dating looks like for them, so they're figuring it out. Dating is all about timing quite frankly. Someone who isn't good for you today could be good for you tomorrow.
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