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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
If a woman has a child, it seems judgmental to be like, "Whoa, where the hell did the dad go?" As if this reflects on the woman any more or less than if a spouse or SO exited the picture the same increment of time ago and there is no child in the picture. Would one ask "Whoa, where the hell did your ex-boyfriend go?" if a single woman with no children also had a previous relationship end, say, 16 months prior? Probably not.
I dated someone who at the time had a one year old, yeah, she was exhausted most of the time, and the first couple of times she stayed over (it went very slow, very...) she had trouble relaxing, it really wasn't until she was about 4 before she could totally relax, honestly, and even then, she didn't cut loose until the bedtime call came in.
And there was no ex there, but I never ask these things, I let them (single mothers) volunteer it when they're ready. Just seems safer.
I never ask these things, I let them (single mothers) volunteer it when they're ready. Just seems safer.
This is a good default strategy imo, unless it's the sort of thing that really really picks at you when you don't know (which probably warrants its own analysis!). I've found it to be safer as well.
With the comments I have seen on this thread I will not be using online dating ever in my life. I see a lot bitterness and anger from some of these posts and I'd rather keep my sanity.
In all honesty,why would this have any bearing on how you choose to meet people whatsoever?
It isn't. JerZ keeps pushing the whole, "I'm trying to save them the trouble of wasting their time" bit, but consider which is more likely from the poster's perspective.
Nope, I keep saying over and over again that it's both. She doesn't want to waste his time, she doesn't want to waste her time.
It's pretty clear, if you go back and read. Thanks!
Now...
Quote:
She would have you believe that it's the first option. It's not. (aside from the limited correlation between both options, and I'd submit that if someone sticks to that, then they're being deliberately obtuse) You can see the difference on other profiles. There's a couple of posters here that do it quite well, though I wouldn't want to single them out unless I knew it'd be ok with them.
It's obvious from your increasingly agitated language that my answers are REALLY bothering you. I am sorry to hear that. Rather than continuing to attempt to barb remarks in my direction, why not PM me? I'd be glad to discuss this with you in a way that would not detract from the thread or from the points being made.
I dated someone who at the time had a one year old, yeah, she was exhausted most of the time, and the first couple of times she stayed over (it went very slow, very...) she had trouble relaxing, it really wasn't until she was about 4 before she could totally relax, honestly, and even then, she didn't cut loose until the bedtime call came in.
And there was no ex there, but I never ask these things, I let them (single mothers) volunteer it when they're ready. Just seems safer.
Yep.
I think nobody really has a "rulebook" on how to do this, so to speak. So it's a learning curve. She was conflicted. She wanted an adult relationship but her child really was still very young. That IS tough. But obviously you both wanted to try, as you were together for three years.
Dating as a single parent isn't easy and you don't really know how you'll feel about it until you're in that situation.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Yep.
I think nobody really has a "rulebook" on how to do this, so to speak. So it's a learning curve. She was conflicted. She wanted an adult relationship but her child really was still very young. That IS tough. But obviously you both wanted to try, as you were together for three years.
Dating as a single parent isn't easy and you don't really know how you'll feel about it until you're in that situation.
Five total, but it was casual as it was long distance. More or less, except when she was on sabbatical, I was the escape.
She got married now to a guy with two daughters, and her daughter is stoked to have siblings. An all around happy story. She's a pretty amazing woman, and her husband seems also amazing.
It isn't. JerZ keeps pushing the whole, "I'm trying to save them the trouble of wasting their time" bit, but consider which is more likely from the poster's perspective.
"No XYZ"
.
The post I made was referring only to the small child/baby situation, not all kinds of negative profiles.
As you missed from mine, you misrepresented what I said and neglected to note that I said it was both. That's what I've corrected you on.
You may wish to re-read in order to be clear?
There's no need. I see a lot of you focusing on one, and just barely enough on the other to try and maintain some semblance of balance. If you're concerned with being misrepresented, you could be more clear. If you feel you're plenty clear, then there's no need to worry about me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
The post I made was referring only to the small child/baby situation, not all kinds of negative profiles.
I got it. It's certainly more relevant in that case than in the examples that I was using, which were more related to the OP than to your post in particular; you just happened to ask a question that was worth responding to. I'm of the opinion that anything that significant is worth mentioning, though (as in all cases) tact is everything.
No man wants to be with a complaining, combative individual with an attitude.
No woman wants to be with a complaining, combative man who doesn't know enough to stop doing things that tick him off, like reading OLD profiles.
Just saying. The screed you wrote is pretty ironic. People--men and women--will write what they write, and there's nothing you can do about it. A wise adult simply clicks off and moves to another profile, or, if the "majority" of profiles are not to his or her liking, just stops looking at them and stops bothering with OLD. I did. Not worth my time and energy to get bent about randos.
No woman wants to be with a complaining, combative man who doesn't know enough to stop doing things that tick him off, like reading OLD profiles.
Just saying. The screed you wrote is pretty ironic. People--men and women--will write what they write, and there's nothing you can do about it. A wise adult simply clicks off and moves to another profile, or, if the "majority" of profiles are not to his or her liking, just stops looking at them and stops bothering with OLD. I did. Not worth my time and energy to get bent about randos.
This.
I honest to God don't know how it could get any easier than: don't like? Swipe.
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She doesn't want to waste his time, she doesn't want to waste her time.
Thanks!
why not PM me? I'd be glad to discuss this with you in a way that would not detract from the thread or from the points being made.
