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This. he was probably pushy all week because some of his other options were unavailable. That happened with my acquaintance. The guy was fine ignoring her for months in-between. He had a girlfriend, friends, plus other women he was sleeping with.
Yes. He wanted sex that day. And that was it. So he kept contacting OP. No mystery there. She was SUPPOSED to be on call so what the heck...? And he texts and texts...
I can picture this loser on his bed in the room with the TV on the base he's about to be kicked out of, glaring with disgust at his phone because OP dares to not answer when she KNOWS she's to be ready for sex, pronto. So like a parent who pointedly calls to the child again ("I said GET IN HERE, James! Right now!"), he pointedly repeatedly texts until OP is a good girl and agrees to come down there to give him sex for a few minutes, until he decides it's time to humiliate her by stopping and getting dressed disgustedly while she lies there naked, abandoned and humiliated.
Who knows, maybe that horrific, sad, humiliating action wasn't punishment for OP daring to attempt to speak to him while he was doing her (whaaaaaaaat? The nerve of her), but rather, was to prove a point for next time so he wouldn't have to text four times. Girl, you JUMP when I call you, you can see that I"ll just take this away any old time I please so next time you best be at the ready and RUNNING for my room after the first text, stripping clothing pieces all the way. Next time you will be grateful, and you will not hesitate. This'll show 'er...
Just sick, I would like to slap this guy. What an utter cretin, I'd have left to this guy to his hand loooooooooooooong hence. You take care of things or figure out how to get yourself off base despite your DUI so you can go looking for some, dude, because where you're getting it SURE won't be right here, with me. I just...ughhhhhhhhhh.
Yes. He wanted sex that day. And that was it. So he kept contacting OP. No mystery there. She was SUPPOSED to be on call so what the heck...? And he texts and texts...
I can picture this loser on his bed in the room with the TV on the base he's about to be kicked out of, glaring with disgust at his phone because OP dares to not answer when she KNOWS she's to be ready for sex, pronto. So like a parent who pointedly calls to the child again ("I said GET IN HERE, James! Right now!"), he pointedly repeatedly texts until OP is a good girl and agrees to come down there to give him sex for a few minutes, until he decides it's time to humiliate her by stopping and getting dressed disgustedly while she lies there naked, abandoned and humiliated.
Who knows, maybe that horrific, sad, humiliating action wasn't punishment for OP daring to attempt to speak to him while he was doing her (whaaaaaaaat? The nerve of her), but rather, was to prove a point for next time so he wouldn't have to text four times. Girl, you JUMP when I call you, you can see that I"ll just take this away any old time I please so next time you best be at the ready and RUNNING for my room after the first text, stripping clothing pieces all the way. Next time you will be grateful, and you will not hesitate. This'll show 'er...
Just sick, I would like to slap this guy. What an utter cretin, I'd have left to this guy to his hand loooooooooooooong hence. You take care of things or figure out how to get yourself off base despite your DUI so you can go looking for some, dude, because where you're getting it SURE won't be right here, with me. I just...ughhhhhhhhhh.
Well I am not surprised. After all, earlier this week, he did tell the OP that he wasn't gonna listen to her complain when she's only a FB, and to chill out. Then his constant blowing her off. Guy showed very early on he was a creep. But OP didn't wanna believe that, then made excuses for his creep behavior.
Well I am not surprised. After all, earlier this week, he did tell the OP that he wasn't gonna listen to her complain when she's only a FB, and to chill out. Then his constant blowing her off. Guy showed very early on he was a creep. But OP didn't wanna believe that, then made excuses for his creep behavior.
Despite what the OP is saying now, it's actually HIM that agreed to the FB (not her agreeing into it) but he made it very clear that it's simply physical. He was completely incredulous to get this offer, but didn't take up on it right away. When he came around chomping at the bit, the OP tried to add stipulations (you must act like you care a little, we must communicate, must respect me etc etc). He barely did any of the stipulations, made it clear he wasn't going to obligate and he didn't care enough about her... and she still came to him.
He lives on base with all his wonderful friends and since he's leaving the military all they do is get drunk and party constantly. I'm sure he's having a great time.
I admit that I was dumb when all this started. I wanted validation from him because he was so good looking and I felt like if he liked me I must not be too terrible. But all of the signs he gave me after the first time he disappeared on me, I should have paid attention to. In my head, I knew he was a good guy but unfortunately I thought I might be able to help him with his life and thus change him.
So here's basically what happened with him in a nutshell for those who don't really know the background:
I met him. He chats me up every single day for probably 2 weeks. Tells me all about his life, himself, asked me about my life, ect. He was actually being a human.
We meet up one night at a diner. Super casual. Have a great conversation. At this point we had been talking for a while and he made it clear he wanted to be in my life and wanted to work for it. He wanted to meet my parents, hang out during the week, ect.
I meet up with him the following day. We made out and things happened (not sex) but I wasn't worried because we had already established that we liked each other before anything happened. At this point he was still talking about how he didn't want to see anyone else, ect.
I didn't hear from him for a week.
I messaged him out of the blue and asked if he wanted to meet up. He said he did and apologized but he had been dealing with some personal stuff and hadn't been talking to anyone. (his fb told me otherwise but I didn't analyze it too much)
I went over after a week of his ghosting and acted distant because everything was shady. His behavior, the things he said, the way he acted. So the concept of a purely physical relationship was brought up and I couldn't remember who was the first to mention that but now I'm starting to think it was me, because I could tell he wasn't really that into me anymore but I still wanted him around and I didn't think it would be a big deal to try it. He made a huge deal out of the entire thing and freaked out and flat out refused but made no effort to make further plans with me or anything. Then after that conversation I told him I was going out of town and he told me not to kiss or sleep with anyone while i was gone. I could tell he only wanted to have sex because thats really all we did while I was over there. He never hardly attempted to talk to me about anything. And I tried. But anyways. I left.
Didn't hear from him for another maybe week or so.
Then the text came that said he wanted to have a full of physical relationship with me, no emotions. I stupidly agreed.
He tried to get me to come over the next few days but I was still questioning it so I made excuses. After the 2nd time he attempted to ask me over he quit replying to me.
Then a month goes by and I see he's taken me off Facebook and i see the snapchat story with a girl in it and the word babe but honestly I didn't see what they were doing because it upset me so much and I couldn't watch it. I lost all care at that point and blocked him on facebook and snapchat.
2 weeks after I block him from everything is when he texted me and everything up to now, you know.
I have too much faith in people. I always think everything is my fault. It's crazy, even with this. I've put some blame on him but I've put the majority on me. I think that if I didn't suffer from this eating disorder and these medical problems I wouldn't have screwed up last night. And if I had just kept my mouth shut maybe he would still be around and I could even just be his friend to make some good come out of it because I still think he needs help.
I was not myself last night.all the talking and the way i acted is only something I do when I'm having an episode. I guess I shouldnt tell him that, I suppose it hurts my pride for him to think I'm bad at sex or that Im a dumb girl he doesn't want to be around, when actually I was just very sick.
I know I need to leave him be, and I'm going to. It just makes me sad to see someone so lost in life and he needs help without realizing it. I guess he's a guy and he can figure it out himself. But his life screams help me. I see that and I don't think his friends care. He has no dad & he doesn't talk to his family. His friends are just like him. Their only concern is partying and what girl they can bang next... This guy I was seeing has multiple DUIs, jailtime, and he fights. Like he's banned from some of the bars in our area. His friends are the same. So it's not like anybody is taking their time out to care about where his life is headed, not even him.
Buy he's grown and i guess I have to let him figure it out himself. I just don't understand why I ever had to meet him if all that came out of this entire situation is the regret, guilt and shame I feel from all of it?
I'm only worse off than I was before him so I don't really see what the point was. I suppose I can be selfless and just be there for him if he ever needs anybody. But telling him that would require me talking to him and Im nowhere near ready to do that.
He's a total jerk and I played with fire. I knew I was and I have nobody to blame but myself. Im not even sad over him not liking me anymore, I'm upset I'm general because the feeling of being humiliated and treated that why is the lowest feeling I've ever experienced and even in having a relationship like this, I didn't know I could end up feeling so awful about myself.
I didn't know I could end up feeling so awful about myself.
If only someone would have told you.
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Kristen, you are not telling the story you originally told us. You are changing it quite a bit.
For instance, you left out how you told him you had been used in the past and therefore you were not going to sleep with him, but then you immediately went over to his room with the TV and had penetration, then asked him to stop the penetration, then "did everything else..." all of which, indeed, is sex.
He therefore knew the protests about refusing to have quick sex were all posturing on your part and likely assumed you were not only easy, but also untruthful. I don't say that to hurt you, I say it because this makes it clear why his respect for you disappeared. I mean there can be little question. I think you know this yet the new, revised story above totally leaves that out.
You also left out how you immediately told him you did not want to be his girlfriend.
THEN he proceeded to not call or text.
Those are just a few things you have changed about the story and I wonder why. I am not sure what your game is. Neither did he, but he has played along enough to get a little.
He sounds like an absolute jerk but you basically caused this entire situation right down to him having no respect for you at all, feeling you were full of it, and basically just taking what he felt like taking.
Someone above reminded us that you, not he, asked to be you-know-what buddies. I had forgotten all about that. This was basically all your own doing and all your own games. You can learn from this or not but you don't listen to what we say so I don't know why you keep posting as if you want advice. Do you know how insulting it is to manipulate people via a lot of sad stories into trying to help you, and then literally ignore our input? It is aggravating, and it is hurtful.
You seem to play an awful lot of games.
I will level with you and say right now I feel very manipulated. I am not cool with this. Do you understand that this behavior is insulting and hurtful to people who have tried to help you? If this were how you were treated, how would you feel? Really think about that.
This guy, loser or not, wasn't cool with your games and manipulation either. What I do feel is that you could do with some therapy. I said that before, and I'll say it one last time as I feel it is important. Others here may be sucked into trying to help you from here; I can only speak for myself and say - I will not. Fool me once, shame on you, and you know the rest.
I was just giving the basic run down of the events that happened, not the major details.
I felt if people wanted to know everything that was said they could look in the other posts. Yes he briefly mentioned me being his girlfriend the 2nd time I ever hung out with him and I said no, but not yet. I said we had to get to know each other a little better. That was the second time we hung out and then everything changed after that even though I said not yet.
Yeah, he knew I had been used in the past.
But this is all after the second time we hung out, and at that point we were still talking to date. It's after I left that everything changed.
I wasn't trying to manipulate him. He had the same attitude I did the entire time, like I said we are a lot alike. I was very truthful to him and opened up. I told him things that I knew he could use against me if he wanted to. I was vulnerable, he never was.
I had a guard up in the very beginning just to protect myself, because I didn't want to share so much of who I was at first only for him to dissappear and for me to get hurt. The sexual actions the second time we hung out were mutual. He wanted to go further, I didn't. I didn't plan on rejecting sex, but he had no protection and neither did I so in the moment I stopped and did what we were able to do. I was just trying to be safe.
Imean I didn't think he could expect me to commit to him after only hanging out a second time. We talked and were on the same page that we would talk and continue to get to know each other, and that everything would work out.
Now I feel like this entire thing is my fault and I really made all the wrong decisions. I feel awful, maybe I'm to blame.
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