Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My last 2 posts on this forum have been about 2 different guys. This post is in regards to the guy from the second thread I ever wrote. If you want to look at the history of the relationship it's under "so confused please help"
Long story short: met this guy, thought he wanted to date me, he flaked on me, dissappeared and then told me he only wanted a purely physical relationship with me, no emotions and I agreed. We only attempted to have sex twice, I chickened out because we had no protection. Then another say he messaged me and asked me to come over but I didn't feel well so I said no. Plus I didn't think I could handle it emotionally but I didn't tell him that. I didn't really expect to hear from him ever again after that, but we never ended the sex buddy agreement, so I also thought there was a chance he would reach out again.
2 weeks after that I saw he deleted me off Facebook (I had no clue why) I saw a girl in his snapchat story that he called babe... So I was upset and I blocked him off Facebook and snapchat.
Fast forward to 2 nights ago. It had been about a month since I last heard from him. He texted me "hey" like nothing happened. I was shocked to hear from him and we had a casual conversation before I told him to cut to the chase of why he was talking to me. and he told me it was just to check in. The conversation continued and then he stopped replying, probably around 10pm.
I couldn't get the situation out of my head. I wanted to know what was going on and I knew if I didn't tell him how I felt I would regret it, because I should have told him a long time ago. I sent him a text and told him that he cant be back and forth with me anymore like this.. He's either all in or he's not. I told him he can't dissappear again like he has been, without telling me first and that I just wanted to know what was going on with us, what he wanted, ect.
He replied back very concerned that I was so upset. He told me he still wanted to have sex, that I was assuming the wrong things. He told me that he wanted to come over just to hang out and lay next to me. Then he calls me 3 times before I finally answer. He said he wants to start over, that he didn't mean for me to take things the way i did. I asked him about the girl and he spoke of her in past tense and said she was nothing. He had never dated her but his friends all had sex with her. Im pretty sure I saw more than one girl over the course of the weeks we didn't talk so I don't even know which girl he was referring to, for all I know it could have been the same one...
But on the phone he made it sound like he wanted more than just a sex buddy relationship. He said things he did when we first started talking and said he would try harder. He messaged me all day that next day and we made plans that I would come over at 6:30. I didn't hear from him past 3 in the afternoon and when 9:00 rolled around that night I was furious that he blew me off.
I sent him a text and told him I was done (he's blown me off multiple times, acted like he doesn't care) and he replied that he just woke up and told me to relax. But he still cancelled because he found out he had to wake up earlier in the morning and didn't want me to have to leave that early when I slept over. Yeah. He wants me to sleep over when I come. I don't get that but whatever.
So then... I made jokes about him having other girls. I had kind of been doing it all day but I mentioned something about being his last resort and these were his exact words "I'm not gonna listen to you complain when you're literally a sex buddy, chill the crap (actually dropped the f bomb) out." I was livid when he said that, but he's said things like that before so I figured it just comes with the territory. After that the conversation was light, mostly talking about sex.
I said I would come over yesterday.. He flaked again. I didn't hear from him past 11 that morning. It honestly didn't bother me because I'm still deciding what I want to do.
I don't remember who first suggested this type of relationship because I really wish I was more to him, at the same time I don't think he has the capability to care for anyone. He sure doesn't care about me.
I remember the second time I hung out with him after he dissapared I wanted him to think I was chill so I told him I would be up for a strictly physical relationship but I can't remember if he had mentioned it before or not. If he wanted something else and I put myself in this situation, I'll be very upset.
Here's my dilemma: Do I break it off and tell him I care too much and this is too intense for me.. Because when he cancels I get upset. I'm not asking for him to be in love with me, but he shows 0 care at all. That's why the phone call confused me because he said one thing and then has flaked the past 2 days. Part of me thinks he's scared to get close to me emotionally for whatever reason. I think he's got a lot of problems (he's been to jail, anger problems, DUI) ect. If I walk away I might never see or hear from him again and I hate saying goodbye. He would no longer be an option for me in the future if I ever changed my mind about the relationship.
If I let him use me for sex it might take an emotional toll on me, I'll know in my head that I have no respect for myself having sex with someone who treats me like crap. Also everytime he flakes I might get upset because I would want it too. So my life would be like a Rollercoaster every single day and I've actually been trying to get my [act] together so it would add to the complication of my life...
On the other hand I'm only young once and I can have sex with no attachments. I did it in college all the time. It may sound weird but it's easier for me to have sex with someone who respects me a little vs this guy who could care less about me. If he showed at least a small amount of care for wanting me around, I would feel like the relationship was more worthwhile..
What girl turns down anytime sex with a hot guy? At the same time I lose self respect by doing this and if he ever wanted to get serious with me I would think he would respect me more if I walked away because I care too much and demand more. But he's so off the wall, he doesn't care what kind of person I am. He doesnt look for someone good, I don't even know what he cares about...
So... Do I let myself be young and explore this sexual world where anything is possible and I can do whatever I want with a guy i have amazing physical chemistry with even though he's a major jerk or....
Do I tell him that I care and need more from him than what he's giving me? Do I tell him that if he just lets me in instead of running away from his emotions I not only could give him great sex but also make his life better? There's a lot more I want to say to him like how badly I think he'll regret letting me go later on... And how great things could have been with us had he not tried to be a tool and push me away.
I don't know why I'm not enough and why he's the way he is. I want to know because it would give me some type of closure on the situation if I had to walk away. I just want to know why he made this decision to only see me as useful for sex when I had so much more to offer him. We talked about everything in the beginning. We're so alike but it's like he ignores all that. Anything involving emotions he doesn't want to deal with and in the beginning he didn't really act that way.
I have no reason to like him but I do.
I need some guidance. This is a hard situation for me. Our interactions are very intense. The whole relationship is almost dramatic.
Also last night he texted me and was upset that I never came over, that I hadn't put forth any effort to go over and see him, when HE was the one who didn't reply when we had spoken earlier yesterday. He said i need to show effort, that I want to be there. Then he called me and sounded even more upset. Basically he just told me that I acted like I didn't even want to be there, I show no effort, why does he have to be the one to always say something, ect...when HE was the one who cancelled the night before, granted.. He was the one who made the plans I just set the time.
So he wants no feelings in this, yet is upset with me for not putting in effort and wants me to want to be there? Sounds like emotions to me, which he's preached so strongly against in all this. Imean I've never heard him sound so upset since I've known him. Then he texted me this morning to say good morning. Makes no sense.
I'm not stupid enough to think he cares at all. But I want to know the pros and cons of each decision and ultimately what is the best thing to do. I'm not good making decisions like this.
Someone help me figure out what I should do.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-20-2016 at 12:07 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
You'll hear the same things you hear in your other threads, This man does not care anything about you, and he's even told you that.
If you wanna be a sex buddy, fine. But that means not obsessing over him, ranting on him, complaining, or starting threads on him. Have sex, get dressed, and don't worry about not hearing from him, because that is going to come with the territory of being with a man who openly tells you he doesn't care about you. He wants you when he wants you. And it's no more or less than that. And it also may include him being with, and even dating other women and keeping you as a side-chick, so he'll really ignore you a lot then, because he won't want any girlfriends to find out. He may even be doing that now. If you can't accept just sex with no other expectations, then you're in over your head.
When he told you that you were just a sex buddy, he was warning you to stay in your place, and not get emotional on him, or bring up other women he's with because it's none of your business, and he owes you nothing, therefore he doesn't want to hear you ranting, complaining, or being passive aggressive about him and other women.
People have already told you what this guy's deal is. And he even told you. But you seem like someone who won't listen to reason until something bad happens, which is why you are abused so much, you don't know to walk away before that.
It's clear you are determined to make excuses for this guy and wanna believe he cares more for you than he actually does. Because there is nothing confusing about this at all. He wants sex. He knows how desperate you are, because you tell + show him constantly. So he's coming back to you where he knows he can get some easy sex. It's that simple. Anything else is all in your head, and what you'd like to believe.
But you're gonna sleep with this guy anyhow. So all I can say is, use protection. Because you're not fit to be raising children.
Last edited by HappyRain; 04-20-2016 at 12:39 PM..
I don't understand. Isn't this exactly the same post made yesterday with a title about FWB or something to that effect? I mean exactly as in word-for-word?
I did a double-take, am I just crazy here? I answered that one but it's gone.
Did you read the answers to that one? Are you going to heed them? I suggested in that other (identical) thread that you seek therapy for yourself and not contact this person again. How do you feel about doing those two things?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Common sense. 
