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Tinder is a great app it's perfect if you are a White male or female that's single and less than 30. I am 32, don't look too bad and have pretty decent pictures out there yet I don't end up getting too many matches simply because I am Indian and brown looking.
I had a White female friend of mine tell me that she swipes left on pretty much that's not White out there. Same with her friends as well. Majority of the women in the Bay area where I live are either White or Asian on Tinder and they both despise Indian men. So if I were White my story would have been other wise but it is what it is for now.
I know several women who have used it with the same reaction. Get a couple messages in and the other person would request nudes. Not saying that couldn't happen on any other dating site, but they were really hoping Tinder would be different. These were also women who were all in their 30s, so they weren't looking for hookups at all.
I have a friend who's 25 and she uses Tinder. She said you wouldn't believe how many 20 year old college students use it. She said basically no one talks to each other anymore. It's just school, home, and digital social circles. When I was 21, which was just 11 years ago, we went to the bars and clubs to meet women. It seems now, that age range just goes to Tinder or Bumble.
It's true. No one talks to people anymore. I am pretty social and outgoing although I am Indian ethnically but that's never been an issue 10 years ago when I was in school. However now I find the vast majority of people either get matched up on Tinder and go out or end up being single and lonely if they get rejected on Tinder.
I just moved to the Bay Area and have no contacts here, know no one here. So went on Tinder hoping to just make some friends but damn, the women here seem to seriously hate the Indian people. I got a confirmation of it when one of the guys I met at a bar told me that people actually hate the Indian people here for the most part and consider them "disgusting"
While I do live in a suburb, my social life almost entirely takes place in Portland. The only activity I regularly engaged in here was my improv classes and those came to an end last month as there wasn't enough interest for the program to be continued.
And yes, those I speak of here on this forum that also struggle naturally have a lifestyle similar to mine. Last September, my BFF and I decided that once a month we would find something to do we don't normally do to expose ourselves to not only new adventures but new people. So far, however, while we've found some cool events we really enjoyed, we haven't made inroads on expanding our social circle - either the events ended up not being conducive to meeting new people or the demographic wasn't what we are after.
I'll be opening myself up to an entirely new group of people next month at a regional Burning Man event and I'm hoping something will come of that in making new connections in general. Sadly, the last (first) one I attended wasn't as open and friendly as we thought it would be, but my friend has been to this one before and said it's a lot different.
That's actually a really good question. I do have people in my life with whom there is really good chemistry who I am compatible with and find attractive but I'm not attracted to and vice versa. My BFF and I are a great example of this. We were curious how we matched percentage wise on OKC but couldn't find each other's profiles when we did a username search. However, if I search for my absolute, nitty gritty, as much detail as I can choose ideal on POF, he's one of only three matches. But when it comes to a romantic life partner, we aren't what each other's after.
I have three other good male friends who I've been asked several times "why don't the two of you date?" one of which people in a Meetup group we both belonged to thought we were dating for 6 months before we got wind of it - and then had great fun with. These are all men I met IRL.
The two that I met from OKC over the years, and one I went out with from speed dating (3 of my 4 dates from 2013 - today), a huge part of it was in incompatibility in sense of humor. You probably can't tell from here, but I'm actually naturally an incredibly funny person. That doesn't always translate on paper. With the first OKC date and the speed date guy, I wondered what was wrong with me because these were genuinely good guys and they bored the life out of me. I eventually realized that I'd spent over 2 hours on the first "meet" with both of them and didn't laugh once. I made one of them laugh a few times but he didn't make me laugh and the guy from speed dating, I remember thinking "okay, I know that was funny" a couple of times where he didn't laugh. We also didn't really have common interests so conversation kept circling back to the same topic vs conversation moving smoothly from one topic to the next.
The last guy I met, also from OKC, he did have a better sense of humor but he had no ambition in life, he only has one hobby, and he only has one friend he never sees. And he's currently here on an expired VISA so he can't travel - one of the things I'm looking for in life (in general) is a travel partner. Conversation with him tended to come to a halt and then there'd be an awkward pause as one of us tried to think of something else to talk about. The 96% match I met through real life I don't feel a physical attraction to. We have a mutual friend and he told our friend he'd read my profile but didn't feel like I was someone he'd be compatible with.
I had over 600 questions answered last time so I'm not really sure why I'm getting high matches who bore the crap out of me. I do know, however, I was contacted by someone who wasn't a high match who was a recovering addict and outright told me he was emailing me because I was one of only a handful of women whose profile said they didn't drink, smoke or do drugs and that made me "safe." I eventually left the "drinks" question blank to try to improve my profile views but it didn't make a difference.
You're circling around the same drain I am then. I had this conversation with a friend over the weekend, since he caught wind from someone of why my latest fling failed. According to her she felt a bit smothered by me, which I can't say is an all too inaccurate statement. I really really liked her and still do, even though we don't talk. We also discussed my "love language" and it matches very close to why I came off so smothering to her. I've had women in my life in the past that just never got that treatment from me. When I care about someone, I tend to always go overboard on the communication and such. It's not an insecurity to me. It's just how I show affection, because I know how I am when I just don't care.
How important is the traveling aspect to you? Are you someone who wants to take a big trip each year, go out of town once a month, or do a weekend trip once a quarter? Traveling can mean many different things.
Having a conversation with a friend this weekend, showed just how far apart he and I are on my love life. In a lot of ways he wants me to settle on something, because I do want to be in a relationship. On the other hand, I don't want to settle with someone who just doesn't fit with me. We can be tweaked but we can't be changed. My fling let me know what I really like and want. It just left me pondering how I can adapt my love language identity to attract that type of person again.
tinder sucks. When you get to be 40, and most users are under 30, there really is a tough time finding anything in common with them. I find lots of 30-somethings to talk with, and get a lot of matches. But, beyond that, nothing fruitful comes of it. Not even random sex. Part of that is that I probably dislike internet dating as much as anyone. Too much can be hidden and not known. I guess I'm not making enough of an effort, though I always reach out first to any matches, and sometimes very quickly, like, same day. People are all over social media, but mainly suck at actually connecting with a human being.
No wonder there are so many single mothers and single fathers. They met their first person, had children, when that broke apart, they rely only on social media now to reconnect with someone else. It's unnatural, and just feels artificial. Yeah, I know those words mean the same thing
I joined Tinder with low expectations about 2 years ago. I met some nice guys on it. One of the guys I met turned into my serious boyfriend. Maybe my attitude was different because I wasn't expecting anything. I tried really hard on Match.com for over a year prior to Tinder and never met anyone that turned into anything beyond dating for a few weeks.
My brain goes faster than my fingers. Still, it seems like a bunch of super models, even here in Indianapolis. Most women, including young women, are nowhere near as good looking as most of the women on Tinder.
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These are all men I met IRL.
