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Approximately 3% of it. I think most of us are either bored, filling time between tasks at work, or procrastinating.
The honesty is commendable.
When I read certain posts, my first inclination is often to stay on the sidelines because I do not think I have anything especially helpful to offer. But then I come around and participate ... after all, if a person takes the time to outline a problem, and later in the thread appreciates the input they received from others, it makes you feel good that you joined in. I also want to make sure my Mac laptop receives enough daily exercise.
We're all going to die but why would a 30 year old buy life insurance or health insurance if he was planning to live healthily to 70?
There are millions of people who live their entire lives and do not have their house flood or burn down yet they have hazard insurance. Contingency planning is not just for what you expect to actually happen.
Divorces are far more common than houses getting flooded or burned down. And it's NOT always a choice. There are two parties in the marriage and EITHER ONE can make it happen. Very often one of the parties does NOT want the divorce yet it still is forced upon them.
These are wholly comparable scenarios, they represent contingency planning for what you don't want or expect to happen.
The OP might want a pre-nup not because HE foresees wanting a divorce one day but because he understands that it can be forced onto him no matter how much he does not want it.
We are not technically not married yet but we have talked about getting married often. I was going to propose to her this weekend actually, and she new it, cause I hinted that I was going to, rather obviously. But she brought up whether or not I would ask for a pre-nup if we got married. I considered it on my own, and was going to bring it up later on in the engagement, but she brought it now.
She became very upset and started throwing up even when I said yes, I wanted one. She said that if she were to marry me with a pre-nup signed, she would not have children with me cause there is no way she would bring children into that type of marriage.
I talked about it with my closest woman friend and she said that if she were in my gf's position, she would not sign one, because if a man asks a woman to sign one, it shows me has questionable intentions.
Was this a jerk move on my part? It's just my gf doesn't have any money hardly. She lives from paycheck to paycheck and has 50 dollars only in her bank account right now. Where as I have enough money to buy a house, which I am looking for right now. So with this current situation, I thought it would be best to say yes to one, just in case.
Is that wrong or negative of me? She says I have till next month to withdraw the pre-nup request, or she will break up with me, cause it's not worth continuing therefore. Or if she marries me, she will definitely not have kids, she says as a result of it. What do you think?
Your girlfriend sounds a bit juvenile and is being needlessly melodramatic. It sounds like a prenup is the least of your worries. Your spending habits are not the same, she is making threats about not having children and you are proposing a prenup which you haven't quite thought through "just in case". What does just in case allude to in this instance? Are you saying you're worried about her spending habits coz a prenup won't help you with that? Your issue is you are not having a mature, well thought out discussion about your future and you're basing things on anecdotes you've heard. I don't think either of you are ready for marriage, based on what you've written above. For lifelong decisions, I wouldn't be seeking advice from strangers on the net who have no idea about the ins and outs of your relationship.
If you're determined to go through with this, then both of you should probably attend pre-marital counselling so you can sort your issues out and see if you really are compatible.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
We're all going to die but why would a 30 year old buy life insurance or health insurance if he was planning to live healthily to 70?
They wouldn't, unless they have a family and need their income to be replaced in case of a disaster, like a car crash.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
There are millions of people who live their entire lives and do not have their house flood or burn down yet they have hazard insurance. Contingency planning is not just for what you expect to actually happen.
No, but it generally is for something out of your control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
Divorces are far more common than houses getting flooded or burned down. And it's NOT always a choice. There are two parties in the marriage and EITHER ONE can make it happen. Very often one of the parties does NOT want the divorce yet it still is forced upon them.
Sorry, never, ever seen this. Even then, one party can make it non contentious almost always.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
The OP might want a pre-nup not because HE foresees wanting a divorce one day but because he understands that it can be forced onto him no matter how much he does not want it.
If he thinks this person may do that, then that isn't a person you should marry. People don't change that much. If you really know them well, are adults in your 30s or older, been dating years, there isn't much change generally in core character. The few divorces I've know about always had a "I was expected to marry him" or some other thing that people look back on and see that there were red flags. You don't get a red flag with a fire (generally).
I never heard these (mostly muckracking) pre nup posters mention "I'm madly in love with this man/woman, and I can't imagine living my life without them", ever. They never sound like they are in a true partnership.
They wouldn't, unless they have a family and need their income to be replaced in case of a disaster, like a car crash.
Exactly. Contingency planning isn't because you think something is likely to happen but because the consequences if it does could be devastating.
No, but it generally is for something out of your control.
And divorce is often out of your control.
Sorry, never, ever seen this. Even then, one party can make it non contentious almost always.
You're either lost on the point or being silly. You've never seen a case where a person didn't want to be divorced but their partner filed for divorce? What planet are you on? It happens every day, in every city. Spouses fall out of love, fall into love with someone else, or just don't want to be married. They file for divorce. The other spouse does not have any choice or control over this and cannot prevent the divorce from happening. Not in current times.
If he thinks this person may do that, then that isn't a person you should marry. People don't change that much. If you really know them well, are adults in your 30s or older, been dating years, there isn't much change generally in core character. The few divorces I've know about always had a "I was expected to marry him" or some other thing that people look back on and see that there were red flags. You don't get a red flag with a fire (generally).
Your couple of anecdotal experiences are irrelevant. People do change and/or people do not reveal who they are beforehand. You don't know what you don't know. Again, you're being ridiculous to suggest that you can know with certainty what someone else will do in the future.
We are not technically not married yet but we have talked about getting married often. I was going to propose to her this weekend actually, and she new it, cause I hinted that I was going to, rather obviously. But she brought up whether or not I would ask for a pre-nup if we got married. I considered it on my own, and was going to bring it up later on in the engagement, but she brought it now.
She became very upset and started throwing up even when I said yes, I wanted one. She said that if she were to marry me with a pre-nup signed, she would not have children with me cause there is no way she would bring children into that type of marriage.
I talked about it with my closest woman friend and she said that if she were in my gf's position, she would not sign one, because if a man asks a woman to sign one, it shows me has questionable intentions.
Was this a jerk move on my part? It's just my gf doesn't have any money hardly. She lives from paycheck to paycheck and has 50 dollars only in her bank account right now. Where as I have enough money to buy a house, which I am looking for right now. So with this current situation, I thought it would be best to say yes to one, just in case.
Is that wrong or negative of me? She says I have till next month to withdraw the pre-nup request, or she will break up with me, cause it's not worth continuing therefore. Or if she marries me, she will definitely not have kids, she says as a result of it. What do you think?
Dude, seriously. Dump her, stay single, stay child-free. That's all I have to say!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
You're either lost on the point or being silly. You've never seen a case where a person didn't want to be divorced but their partner filed for divorce? What planet are you on? It happens every day, in every city. Spouses fall out of love, fall into love with someone else, or just don't want to be married. They file for divorce. The other spouse does not have any choice or control over this and cannot prevent the divorce from happening. Not in current times.
No, I've never seen that. Never. Ever. Marriages don't work out, sure, but its not that common when adults get married, and its exceedingly uncommon for it to be contentious. It may happen that it is one sided every once in a blue moon, but it still takes two for it to be contentious. Totally a choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
Your couple of anecdotal experiences are irrelevant. People do change and/or people do not reveal who they are beforehand. You don't know what you don't know. Again, you're being ridiculous to suggest that you can know with certainty what someone else will do in the future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
It's not a couple of anecdotal experiences, but if you believe this, then you can never honestly make a life long commitment.
Again though, there is little point for a pre nup in most regular cases since the law already states almost everywhere that pre marriage property remains that way, and post marriage earnings/are 50/50 split.
We are not technically not married yet but we have talked about getting married often. I was going to propose to her this weekend actually, and she new it, cause I hinted that I was going to, rather obviously. But she brought up whether or not I would ask for a pre-nup if we got married. I considered it on my own, and was going to bring it up later on in the engagement, but she brought it now.
She became very upset and started throwing up even when I said yes, I wanted one. She said that if she were to marry me with a pre-nup signed, she would not have children with me cause there is no way she would bring children into that type of marriage.
I talked about it with my closest woman friend and she said that if she were in my gf's position, she would not sign one, because if a man asks a woman to sign one, it shows me has questionable intentions.
Was this a jerk move on my part? It's just my gf doesn't have any money hardly. She lives from paycheck to paycheck and has 50 dollars only in her bank account right now. Where as I have enough money to buy a house, which I am looking for right now. So with this current situation, I thought it would be best to say yes to one, just in case.
Is that wrong or negative of me? She says I have till next month to withdraw the pre-nup request, or she will break up with me, cause it's not worth continuing therefore. Or if she marries me, she will definitely not have kids, she says as a result of it. What do you think?
Have you considered that you and she are not compatible financially? You're a saver and she's more of a spender? You will likely have many conflicts over what to spend money on, how expensive a car to get, new or used, whatever.
I don't think a prenup will help in this case. Neither of you have pre-marital assets to protect at this point and anything accumulated DURING marriage will likely be treated as joint marital property. You can talk to a lawyer and see if it even makes sense for you. You may have raised a hornets nest for nothing!
No, I've never seen that. Never. Ever. Marriages don't work out, sure, but its not that common when adults get married, and its exceedingly uncommon for it to be contentious. It may happen that it is one sided every once in a blue moon, but it still takes two for it to be contentious. Totally a choice.
It's not a couple of anecdotal experiences, but if you believe this, then you can never honestly make a life long commitment.
Again though, there is little point for a pre nup in most regular cases since the law already states almost everywhere that pre marriage property remains that way, and post marriage earnings/are 50/50 split.
The rest is a lot of paranoia.
No, it's not a lot of paranoia. The issue comes in when it comes to deciding what constitutes a "pre-marital asset" and what is an asset that is earned during the marriage. Just because one spouse bought a house prior to marriage doesn't mean that the other spouse isn't entitled to some interest in the home if he or she has put money/sweat equity into the upkeep, taxes, insurance over the course of a decade+ marriage. This is particularly the case if the home doubles or triples in value over that time.
Certainly if I were a person marrying a person who already has a home, this might be something I would want to discuss prior to marriage and put into a prenup so I know how my spouse feels about my interest in the home when we get married. I have just as much a right to get an attorney as he does and ensure that my interests are protected should my spouse's pre-marriage assets gain value because of actions I've taken on their behalf.
FWIW, most people I know had pretty contentious divorces. It's certainly not "exceedingly uncommon," particularly when child custody and a family home is involved.
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I think most of us are either bored, filling time between tasks at work, or procrastinating.
