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Dealing with shy guys is just so frustrating. There is a shy guy that likes me and catch him staring at me all of the time. But whenever I try to speak to him or be friendly he gets really nervous. I am physically attracted to him but the rest of it is just so frustrating to deal with.
It was the same way with my S/O and it got to the point where I was ready to be done with trying to help him overcome his shyness and lack of self confidence. It really is a lot of work and I understand why no one wants to deal with it because if I was confronted with it again, I would turn around and run in the opposite direction.
What made me stick it out with my S/O was that I knew he really cared about me and couldn't help that I intimated him and he didn't have the self esteem to accept that someone like me was genuinely interested in him. Also we met working together and I saw how he interacted with other women and it was just fine because he didn't have feelings for them. So I knew it was due to his overwhelming attraction for me that caused the hot & cold/push & pull.
I'd rather a shy guy verses a guy that uses sport sex to gain confidence and I felt like my S/O was worth it and to this day 2 years later, he still blushes after he's looked away from me and it makes me happy to know I make him feel that way. However sometimes I wonder if it would be better for him to be with someone he didn't love so much so he could be in control of his emotions and wouldn't have to question if he's good enough for me.
Take him out for a few drinks I'm sure that would help him to unwind
I'm a traditional woman. I don't ask men out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Oh just grasp the fella, put him up against a wall and plant one on 'im.
You'll both be happy you did.
I'm a traditional woman. I would never make the first move or be sexually assertive/aggressive with a guy whom I am not in a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Are you hot? If so, that's why he's nervous. I'm shy, and attractive women intimidate the hell out of me. Have you even told him you like him or are you expecting him to read your mind?
I'm told that I am pretty often enough to sort of believe it. But he is around women who I would consider more attractive than myself and he seems fine around them.
He tends to get really nervous when I come around him but I am always very sweet and friendly towards him. Also I have trying getting close to him a few times like leaning in when he is talking to me buuuuut.....he got a little 'excited' twice so I pretended not to notice each time because I didn't want him to feel embarrassed about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister
It was the same way with my S/O and it got to the point where I was ready to be done with trying to help him overcome his shyness and lack of self confidence. It really is a lot of work and I understand why no one wants to deal with it because if I was confronted with it again, I would turn around and run in the opposite direction.
What made me stick it out with my S/O was that I knew he really cared about me and couldn't help that I intimated him and he didn't have the self esteem to accept that someone like me was genuinely interested in him. Also we met working together and I saw how he interacted with other women and it was just fine because he didn't have feelings for them. So I knew it was due to his overwhelming attraction for me that caused the hot & cold/push & pull.
I'd rather a shy guy verses a guy that uses sport sex to gain confidence and I felt like my S/O was worth it and to this day 2 years later, he still blushes after he's looked away from me and it makes me happy to know I make him feel that way. However sometimes I wonder if it would be better for him to be with someone he didn't love so much so he could be in control of his emotions and wouldn't have to question if he's good enough for me.
Do you have to take the lead in the relationship the majority of the time? I would hate to have to be the captain of a relationship. My fear with shy guys is that they won't take the helm and lead.
Traditional- rationalization as to why one lacks the self-esteem to do the things that would help to end confusion and frustration in ones life.
Well no. Dealing with this one (1) shy guy is the only frustration. I have guys who approach me and make the first move all of the time. So while I like the shy guy, I have several other options that do not require me to change my traditional gender role behavior.
Yes, I could easily ask him out and initiate a romantic relationship but I do not want a man where I have to wear the pants. That is not what I want. I am a traditional woman who prefers to be pursued. The shy guy has been given MANY green lights so it is up to him to make a move.
Well no. Dealing with this one (1) shy guy is the only frustration. I have guys who approach me and make the first move all of the time. So while I like the shy guy, I have several other options that do not require me to change my traditional gender role behavior.
Yes, I could easily ask him out and initiate a romantic relationship but I do not want a man where I have to wear the pants. That is not what I want. I am a traditional woman who prefers to be pursued. The shy guy has been given MANY green lights so it is up to him to make a move.
You could just let go of the ego and ask him out you know he won't say no.
Why does it necessarily have to be an "ego" thing?
If she wants a guy to take the lead, why would she want to start out with her taking it?
That's just an excuse a lot of women use so they won't get rejected by a man. They want to be in control and if they ask a man out they lose that control. It's ego plain and simple.
That's just an excuse a lot of women use so they won't get rejected by a man. They want to be in control and if they ask a man out they lost that control.
Though, it's not universally true.
There are some women who want a potential partner to take the initiative from the get-go. (There are some men who want this too, for that matter.)
I made first contact with my partner online. I was not the one, however, to suggest meeting up (and would not have taken that step.) In my case (and I imagine many others) it's not a question of wanting control. Actually, it's quite the opposite.
In my case, it was also not an "excuse". I knew what I wanted in a potential partner. My experience has shown me that I'm not likely to be compatible with someone long-term if they are unwilling or incapable (for whatever reason) of initiating a first date.
So, yes, while for some people, I'm sure that it's an "ego thing", I can tell you, from personal experience, that it's not true for all.
There are some women who want a potential partner to take the initiative from the get-go. (There are some men who want this too, for that matter.)
I made first contact with my partner online. I was not the one, however, to suggest meeting up (and would not have taken that step.) In my case (and I imagine many others) it's not a question of wanting control. Actually, it's quite the opposite.
In my case, it was also not an "excuse". I knew what I wanted in a potential partner. My experience has shown me that I'm not likely to be compatible with someone long-term if they are unwilling or incapable (for whatever reason) of initiating a first date.
So, yes, while for some people, I'm sure that it's an "ego thing", I can tell you, from personal experience, that it's not true for all.
Me personally as a man I wouldn't accept a date with a woman who asked me out because it hasn't gone well. But just because I won't like it doesn't mean another man won't. Men like confident women as well.
And some men want to be the person who does the asking.
It's all very individual.
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