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I don't know anyone who does not look forward to their spouses' business trips unless they are left alone with minding toddlers or something. That doesn't mean they are unhappy in their marriages. It just means that now and then they like a few days of freedom or the opportunity to do gal things or guy things they don't normally have a chance to do. There is not a married man alive who doesn't smile to himself as he leaves the seat up while the wife is away.
Enjoying time to one's self doesn't = being relieved spouse is gone, though.
My husband's military (reserves right now, so less coming and going than active duty, but still coming and going). He's about to be gone for annual training for three weeks. I will, in fact, be flying solo with a seven month old, but that's not the point...as always, with his Navy travel, I look forward to the time to dedicate to the things I need and want to do without necessarily having to multitask with spousal considerations). I like the chance to watch all the movies/shows I like without sharing, the chance to cook things I might not eat as often because they're not a house favorite, so I don't bother much with making them, and my husband (head cook) never does. And overwhelmingly, I am always actively looking forward to his return.
That's a completely different ballgame than, "I'm so glad he's gone."
The bolded is exactly what she's been doing, though. The OP said that since becoming unemployed, she waits until he comes home from work, and expects him to entertain her. Every day. And all day each day on the weekends.
There's some truth to the expression, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Well, in all fairness, he said he's been stressed about her job transitioning status for about the past month. In addition to that, per the OP, he's also directly stated the following:
There is nothing wrong with my wife.
She doesn't do anything wrong.
I'm not interested in other women, in fact I'm probably less interested than I've ever been.
We argue somewhat but when I stop to think about it, probably 2/3rds of the arguments are my fault by overreacting to things, etc.... None of them are bad arguments over really serious matters anyway.
We have sex 1-2 times a week. It's fine.
I think we both enjoy the sex as far as I can tell.
she is hotter than when we got married since she's gotten more into fitness and athletics lately.
It's not like I don't love her anymore or anything like that.
So, the above, contrasted with a month or so of anxiety regarding a spousal career transition makes it seem a bit like scrapping things over a stressful patch while a spouse looks for a new career (something many, many, many couples and families will go through, likely more than once) might be a bit baby/bathwater.
Then, however, is the whole "Weeeelllll, really, though, even though all the above is true, the thing is, I got roped into getting married and never really wanted it anyway," thing, which makes the entire, "My wife is fine, she's hot, sex is satisfying, I love her, when we argue, it's my fault, I'm not interested in anybody else," etc. line seem kind of pointless, so it's really hard to say what of what the OP is saying is the real deal. He's a bit erratic and all over the place.
I didn't take it as shade. Jasper is a smart person, and context always matters. As you know, marriage is complicated, and so many circumstances apply.
Your honestly about your mistakes is appreciated and a good example to all of us.
Just because someone was vulnerable to cheating once upon time and has taken the steps to correct themselves does not mean that they deserve to be persecuted. She is not continuing to do the wrong thing dear.
Exactly. And she admitted it was a painful path. (i.e. not a good choice). What more do people want???!!!
It still sounds like disillusionment to me, which does not have to be a fatal flaw.
Heh, yeah. Disillusionment happens for a lot of people in their 30s. I'm not even married, but it happened to me around the same age. It's a bummer, but, Redguard, you'll get through it. Maybe you shouldn't be married to this gal, but I tend to think you shouldn't be too quick to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The grass probably isn't greener on the other side of the fence. I do like the idea of therapy, though. I did some in my late 30s. Wish I'd done it sooner.
Heh, yeah. Disillusionment happens for a lot of people in their 30s. I'm not even married, but it happened to me around the same age. It's a bummer, but, Redguard, you'll get through it. Maybe you shouldn't be married to this gal, but I tend to think you shouldn't be too quick to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The grass probably isn't greener on the other side of the fence. I do like the idea of therapy, though. I did some in my late 30s. Wish I'd done it sooner.
Good thing we waited till our late 30s/early 40s to get married. No disillusionment/general malaise, here.
OP never really wanted to be married in the first place so it's not fair to advise him to stay in a situation he's obviously unhappy with and has no real desire for. It's also a disadvantage to his wife in that she's stuck in a situation she's not really able to enjoy because he's not as invested in the marriage as he should be.
Is it really all that unusual that one person (usually the woman) wants to get married more than the other person (usually the man). The good news is....people are actually not that good at predicting what will make them happy. I think more work needs to be done on Redguard's and his wife's part before they decide to call it quits. Otherwise, they are likely to repeat the same patterns in future relationships.
Just because someone was vulnerable to cheating once upon time and has taken the steps to correct themselves does not mean that they deserve to be persecuted. She is not continuing to do the wrong thing dear.
True, it doesn't mean that they will cheat again. For me, I don't know if I can overcome it if my spouse cheated. I'm the kind of person that in general I can forgive most things if someone is truly sorry and you believe in your heart that they are sorry, not just sorry that they got caught or whatever.
The cheating thing, IDK, I don't think I could get past it, I mean this in the since that this is my character issue, not that I'm punishing the other person.
True, it doesn't mean that they will cheat again. For me, I don't know if I can overcome it if my spouse cheated. I'm the kind of person that in general I can forgive most things if someone is truly sorry and you believe in your heart that they are sorry, not just sorry that they got caught or whatever.
The cheating thing, IDK, I don't think I could get past it, I mean this in the since that this is my character issue, not that I'm punishing the other person.
Cheating once definitely doesn't mean that someone will cheat again. Unfortunately, it also definitely doesn't mean that someone you cheated on has to trust you, when they may well just prefer to cut their losses rather than take the gamble of already-observed behavior recurring. Even when someone is genuinely sorry, it still doesn't follow that they will necessarily be prevented from evidencing the same behavior again, especially if it's been reinforced.
Having kids to relieve boredom or to try to shore up a relationship that has problems, is a bad idea. It usually backfires eventually. People do it, but the problems they're trying to avoid will come out later.
Yep, exactly. And the kids often have a lot of personal problems due to the divorce.
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