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Lady friend wants I should hang out every day - but seldom does anything happen horizontally, if you catch my drift. She says that I "don't spend enough time" hanging out at her place. Let me paint the picture:
I work a full time job, and trying to start a small business. These in itself take up a ton of my time. She is on disability and does not work; therefore she's home all day every day. On my regular job, sometimes I'm working as late as 9pm. Barely time or energy to wolf down dinner, get a shower, and do business research before going to bed.
Weekends - laundry, errands, cleaning. All the things I couldn't do during the week.
Anyway, she called me asking what time I was coming over. I tell her that I can't hang out (at her place) tonight, BUT - as an offer - I had a business errand to run. I offered to take her with me (to get her out of the house - she's like a hermit!) run my (brief) errand, then take her to dinner. No! She wants to stay home. That's fine, I say, but what then? She just sits home, watches TV, and feels sorry for herself. I'm trying to move forward, and I've told her that it takes time and effort to get my plans off the ground - and a lot of work! Therefore, my socializing time is cut way down, and I've said repeatedly that I can't hang out every day. She tells me that I'm just being selfish, but I'm only trying to better myself.
No. It sounds like she is bored and wants you to entertain her.
Was it always this way, or did your routine with her recently change and she's having a hard time adjusting to it? If not, it sounds like maybe you need to be with someone who has a more compatible schedule.
Lady friend wants I should hang out every day - but seldom does anything happen horizontally, if you catch my drift. She says that I "don't spend enough time" hanging out at her place. Let me paint the picture:
I work a full time job, and trying to start a small business. These in itself take up a ton of my time. She is on disability and does not work; therefore she's home all day every day. On my regular job, sometimes I'm working as late as 9pm. Barely time or energy to wolf down dinner, get a shower, and do business research before going to bed.
Weekends - laundry, errands, cleaning. All the things I couldn't do during the week.
Anyway, she called me asking what time I was coming over. I tell her that I can't hang out (at her place) tonight, BUT - as an offer - I had a business errand to run. I offered to take her with me (to get her out of the house - she's like a hermit!) run my (brief) errand, then take her to dinner. No! She wants to stay home. That's fine, I say, but what then? She just sits home, watches TV, and feels sorry for herself. I'm trying to move forward, and I've told her that it takes time and effort to get my plans off the ground - and a lot of work! Therefore, my socializing time is cut way down, and I've said repeatedly that I can't hang out every day. She tells me that I'm just being selfish, but I'm only trying to better myself.
I don't get it. Am I really being selfish?
That would have been more than enough for me to break it off. I would not want to be around someone like this. I'm trying to figure out what exactly you see in her?
That would have been more than enough for me to break it off. I would not want to be around someone like this. I'm trying to figure out what exactly you see in her?
You aren't being selfish. It sounds like the two of you are in totally different places in your life. You have a lot going on and are very busy. She has nothing going on and sounds like she could be depressed. She doesn't have anything else in her life right now - from the sound of it - and it seems like she is turning to you to be the center of her life. Only you can't be the center of her life because you have a life. She doesn't sound like she is in a very healthy place. I don't know how long you've been with her for or what kind of a relationship you have with her - but if you think she's worth it, I suggest sitting her down and having a frank discussion about her needing to have her own life - that you can't be her whole world. If she's not that important to you - why put yourself through this?
Lady friend wants I should hang out every day - but seldom does anything happen horizontally, if you catch my drift. She says that I "don't spend enough time" hanging out at her place. Let me paint the picture:
I work a full time job, and trying to start a small business. These in itself take up a ton of my time. She is on disability and does not work; therefore she's home all day every day. On my regular job, sometimes I'm working as late as 9pm. Barely time or energy to wolf down dinner, get a shower, and do business research before going to bed.
Weekends - laundry, errands, cleaning. All the things I couldn't do during the week.
Anyway, she called me asking what time I was coming over. I tell her that I can't hang out (at her place) tonight, BUT - as an offer - I had a business errand to run. I offered to take her with me (to get her out of the house - she's like a hermit!) run my (brief) errand, then take her to dinner. No! She wants to stay home. That's fine, I say, but what then? She just sits home, watches TV, and feels sorry for herself. I'm trying to move forward, and I've told her that it takes time and effort to get my plans off the ground - and a lot of work! Therefore, my socializing time is cut way down, and I've said repeatedly that I can't hang out every day. She tells me that I'm just being selfish, but I'm only trying to better myself.
I don't get it. Am I really being selfish?
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my Mod cut. lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-15-2016 at 10:25 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
Making an effort to fit her into your busy schedule AND offering to take her to dinner are not the signs of a selfish person.
You two are completely different people; you're a go-getter, while she's a couch potato, though not knowing her disability, I don't want to be unfair. But she's not making an effort to be understanding of your circumstances. IDK, OP, it doesn't seem like a good match with long-term potential, from what little you've told us.
Lady friend wants I should hang out every day - but seldom does anything happen horizontally, if you catch my drift. She says that I "don't spend enough time" hanging out at her place. Let me paint the picture:
I work a full time job, and trying to start a small business. These in itself take up a ton of my time. She is on disability and does not work; therefore she's home all day every day. On my regular job, sometimes I'm working as late as 9pm. Barely time or energy to wolf down dinner, get a shower, and do business research before going to bed.
Weekends - laundry, errands, cleaning. All the things I couldn't do during the week.
Anyway, she called me asking what time I was coming over. I tell her that I can't hang out (at her place) tonight, BUT - as an offer - I had a business errand to run. I offered to take her with me (to get her out of the house - she's like a hermit!) run my (brief) errand, then take her to dinner. No! She wants to stay home. That's fine, I say, but what then? She just sits home, watches TV, and feels sorry for herself. I'm trying to move forward, and I've told her that it takes time and effort to get my plans off the ground - and a lot of work! Therefore, my socializing time is cut way down, and I've said repeatedly that I can't hang out every day. She tells me that I'm just being selfish, but I'm only trying to better myself.
I don't get it. Am I really being selfish?
Her schedule and what she does all day have nothing to do with it. You simply don't have enough time for her. Honestly, you sound like you don't have enough time to be involved with anyone romantically at all, but for the most casual and fly-by-night of FWBs.
I've been in your shoes, and the only reason I was in a relationship at the time is because it was already established before I started preparing to freelance full-time and because he worked nights and had rotating 2- and 3-day weekends, so I had most evenings after my day job to myself to work on the freelance business. Had he worked the day shift M-F and expected me to be available like a regular 9-5er, the way she seems to with you, it wouldn't have worked. Mere dating like a single wouldn't have worked well, either. Heck, it wouldn't work now, and my lack of time for it is one reason why I don't date. Dating and romantic entanglements are some of the things people starting businesses often must either sacrifice or be very clear about with other parties. Thing is, it doesn't get much better in the early years of the business even when your business is all you do. Once you launch your business, it will become your baby because your life depends on the income you derive from it. I'm not inclined to date now for many reasons, but even if I were, it would be really hard for me to put the time in to get to know someone appropriately, and I've been freelancing fulltime for a few years.
But when you get right down to it, she wants more than you are capable of giving, and requires more quality time with a man before getting down to "horizontal action." Therefore, in this respect, yes, you are being selfish. You're expecting her to change her needs and way of dating to accommodate your schedule, and that's not either right or fair. Her emotional needs are not a priority in your life, so there's no need or reason for your physical ones to be a priority in hers.
I do not know what brought you both together, but it's very clear that your goals right now are just not remotely aligned.
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