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Facebook I can and do live without. Texting is essential because I use it to communicate with my husband and children on a daily basis. We still talk face-to-face, but for those non-urgent but important requests or messages, like "Would you pick up some milk on you way home from work?" or "I'm running late for lunch. Be there in ten. Could you order the fish tacos for me?" texting simply cannot be beat. (Don't freak out. I'm not whipping out my phone behind the wheel. My car reads text messages to me, and I dictate my response.)
I do think Facebook can be a problem in shaky marriages, and Facebook is, in fact, cited in a huge number of divorce proceedings, but I don't spend much time worrying about it and neither does my husband. Our lives are centered on our family, and so is our communication. Texting, social media, telephone & video calls, and face-to-face conversation are all methods of reaching out that can be used to strengthen family ties, and that's how we choose to use them.
Yes it is true when you have kids. Plus it costs the couple more money. Remember the couple have an additional responsibility and that responsibility costs money. Plus you are responsible
Of their upbringing and care and everything around them. Plus you are majority under the gun with your career if you end up losing your job and you have that responsibility to take care of. What will you do ? You can't always run back to mommy and daddy to bail you out financially . If the couple thinks that way. Why in the hell did they ever get married ? So having kids is not always happy happy joy joy. It takes a ton of work. People getting married these days want the easy way out. They want stupid expensive toys and other crap.
5"that proves how people are so selfish these days
People who responsibly choose to have kids and plan for doing so bear the expense of raising them in mind and plan for it. They understand that parenting is work and effort and sign up for it with that knowledge.
There is a difference between people who are realistic about what raising children involves, and those who are pretty haphazard about it going in.
Did kids contribute, or your responses/your partner's responses to children's needs?
It was both...
Children (one older and a set of twins) with medical needs that drained us physically, emotionally, and financially. The twins suffered even more so they are very hard to deal with; cranky most of the day due to cronic pain. Neither of us have slept in over 3 years.....
We put everything we had into their care but it left nothing for ourselves. My wife and I had different upbringings and backgrounds.. I'm not sure if that contributed but for the first time in out marriage, we didn't come together... we drifted further apart. Our reactions were starkly different and isolating. We both did our part to keep things going but it was like we were just going through the daily motions. Communication failed and we spent too much time living like two passing ships in the night.
It was about a year ago that I reached my breaking point after loosing my only supportive friend (details posted on CDR here and there); I almost left... but stopped short because I simply felt like I was walking out on my children as well. It was a wake up call and we started communicating. We are still together... working things out... still struggling with the children but at least we are in it as a couple again. When I think about all that has happened, it is painful; loosing a friend, disappointment in the whole parenting experience, losses in my relationship with my wife. But we focus on the small accomplishments and sucesses; we both derived some satisfaction in that.
I do agree and disagree with the OP's comments regarding communication. I know from this ordeal that communication is the foundation of any relationship. Communication is not the the silver bullet for a gauranteed happy long lasting marriage/relationship. BUT the lack of communication is absolutely gauranteed to destroy one.
People who responsibly choose to have kids and plan for doing so bear the expense of raising them in mind and plan for it. They understand that parenting is work and effort and sign up for it with that knowledge.
There is a difference between people who are realistic about what raising children involves, and those who are pretty haphazard about it going in.
Do they plan for in case something comes up and they get laid off from their job due to company cut backs? Remember companies don't care if you have a family to support if they lay you off or terminate your employment for some reason . Companies worry about themselves to stay in business not someone's domestic issues.
Do they plan for in case something comes up and they get laid off from their job due to company cut backs? Remember companies don't care if you have a family to support if they lay you off or terminate your employment for some reason . Companies worry about themselves to stay in business not someone's domestic issues.
You mean, do you make sure you have backup plans in place when you have minor dependents whose well being you are responsible for?
If you are smart, of course you do. Absolutely. You really should have those in place whether or not you have children to support, obviously. But if you do, it's a must. It's part of signing up to be responsible for the well being of those who cannot support themselves.
Do they plan for in case something comes up and they get laid off from their job due to company cut backs? Remember companies don't care if you have a family to support if they lay you off or terminate your employment for some reason . Companies worry about themselves to stay in business not someone's domestic issues.
Yes, responsible people do have back-up plans for just such occasions, like having ample savings in case of lay-off and retirement funds for our elder years. We also put aside money for our children to attend college, insure our homes/autos/health, and keep our skills and talents up-to-date to ensure we remain employable.
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
Back to your original question, does having children ensure a long marriage? Of course not. People with children divorce all the time. However, one thing that does help to protect a marriage is having sound finances. Nothing will destroy a marriage faster than money troubles. Living with your budget such that there is money available for emergencies and the future makes it easier for a couple to deal with life's ups and downs. For some people, that means using the bus while for others there's room for a car that reads text messages to you.
Yes, responsible people do have back-up plans for just such occasions, like having ample savings in case of lay-off and retirement funds for our elder years. We also put aside money for our children to attend college,
Yep. We started these savings long before our kid was ever born.
Quote:
keep our skills and talents up-to-date to ensure we remain employable.
I don't know if kids guarantee a marriage. They can be stressful and expensive, but we can't imagine our lives without them. They have a been a source of great joy for us. They haven't been stressful though in a way that has caused friction in our marriage.
I think in cases when one has a very high needs child, that can be very stressful for the marriage.
So marry a good, stable person who will work through hardship.
Get your finances in shape.
Know who you are and understand up front if you are prepared to put someone else's well-being first.
Ensure local family/friend support.
Then consider kids.
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