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- lost weight
- dressed better
- got into exercising
- tried to smile more (sorry I think smiling is weak. Just my background)
- traveled a lot
- got big into independent hip hop music
Guess what? I still can't change my luck in the dating realm. Every poster here has accused me of not trying. I'm busting my a$& to be more interesting and get my together, but I still can't accomplish in the dating world because I don't look like a movie star.
Since a lot of people give you a hard time I'll try to be encouraging. I have a feeling you're a nice dude for real but you're frustrated and some can't understand your situation because they were never in your shoes. I have had the worst luck with women in my life and you probably understand me because you're in the same situation I was in. I was so jaded towards women that I treated them like enemies out to get me due to bad experiences. I didn't accept friendships, or even try to date for a year. Basically I withdrew and took myself out of the game due to bad luck. I then realized yes some women are bad people but you can't treat them all bad because a few hurt you. I changed for myself and women started to be more receptive towards me. If you don't want to change for a woman, change for yourself. While my luck is not as good as some of the other men on this forum, I am really trying to learn because I almost lost faith in women completely. I'm really on your side Diss, I know you can do it.
You take a lot of pride in dissenting, being cynical and angry. Your status lines include things like "sue me" and "sorry not sorry". It's like you're always spoiling for a fight. You mention all the things you've done to improve yourself but not one of them includes improving your outlook and attitude.
If the person is miserable, alone, negative and doesn't find pleasure in life (hobbies, interests) then how is that NOT changing for him-herself?
Anyone can do what s/he wants to do, I'm not telling anyone "you MUST change" (or change back...as I said, people are rarely NATURALLY so negative and hopeless and so that's NOT the person's natural state anyway). If you don't "want to change," don't. But then don't expect others to be attracted to you (not you, Ro, but the 'you' we're speaking of hypothetically here) any more than you'd be attracted to a negative, sad girl in a basement with no friends who doesn't like to wear anything non-rag-ish or comb her hair, and who doesn't find much of life fun at all.
And by the way, as a friend, what would you be saying to that ^ girl? "Don't ever try to change, that would be phony and wouldn't benefit you, the only reason you might do that is so others can approve of you"?
How about if you had a female friend who said she wished men had no freedom as society would be better, that men are overly-demanding, that men are all shallow and so on? "Don't ever change that POV, there's no reason to go changing for someone else"?
This. Negativity is unattractive and even though The Dissenter says he's changed a lot, I'm guessing based on the tone of his posts that even though there are superficial changes on the surface, the vibe he's giving off is still negative. He says himself smiling is weak. I would wholeheartedly disagree but he's entitled to his opinion. He doesn't have to change, but as JerZ points out rightly, don't expect that negative attitude to help him with the ladies. It won't.
- lost weight
- dressed better
- got into exercising
- tried to smile more (sorry I think smiling is weak. Just my background)
- traveled a lot
- got big into independent hip hop music
Guess what? I still can't change my luck in the dating realm. Every poster here has accused me of not trying. I'm busting my a$& to be more interesting and get my together, but I still can't accomplish in the dating world because I don't look like a movie star.
Oh, so you don't still write off entire classes of women as "rejects"...due to looks only? Something ANY woman can pick up on as an attitude, seriously any woman (there's no hiding that even if you think you are and women run...run...run like the plague)?
That's weird because I'd have thought you still have this attitude (in this very thread, to be precise) so...yeah, recently. Even when you're "trying to smile more."
And you've dropped the whole refusing to date a non-pretty woman thing, particularly as you describe yourself as non-physically attractive?
The reason you're not dating isn't women in general. It isn't life's unfairness. It's you...and your horrid, hateful attitude toward women (especially the rejects and the ugly ones, right? Har har, nudge nudge) and your ridiculous, entirely shallow standards which you yourself can't stand up to. And you know it.
One of the things I listed (you did quote me in the response above) was being fun and having fun, enjoying, being engaged. You still sound angry, really, really, really, really, really angry. No amount of working out or traveling in the world is going to make a woman not scared of that, and not running. The above changes are GOOD, they're positive but if they're a veneer, if you're not happier then what good is it all? ALL those changes are supposed to make you HAPPIER, happier with your own life which is attractive and which, primarily, is just good for you. You are entirely missing the point in making these changes. You're pretty much thinking, "If I dress better, work out more and travel, the non-reject non-ugly useless girls won't be my only option any more." Honestly, do you think women can't see through that sort of attitude, even in a brief conversation? We can. We were BORN to intuit (generally), biology made us this way.
With all that said, I will not accuse you of not trying. You are trying...it's just that you miss the point. Entirely. 100%. Ever see the movie Groundhog Day? Remember that one day that just goes perfectly and culminates in a snowball fight with kids, and Bill Murray and Andi What's-Her-Name fall into the snow...it doesn't work out so the next day Phil (just remembered the character's name - Bill Murray's character, I mean) tries to replicate all the things that happened, but rushing through them...jamming snowballs at the kids, screaming "Are any of you up for adoption," throwing Andi's character down into the snow, trying to force it by pushing all the right buttons but not feeling it...and yeah, she's plenty freaked out? What you're doing is just like that.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Oh, so you don't still write off entire classes of women as "rejects"...due to looks only? Something ANY woman can pick up on as an attitude, seriously any woman (there's no hiding that even if you think you are and women run...run...run like the plague)?
That's weird because I'd have thought you still have this attitude (in this very thread, to be precise) so...yeah, recently. Even when you're "trying to smile more."
And you've dropped the whole refusing to date a non-pretty woman thing, particularly as you describe yourself as non-physically attractive?
The reason you're not dating isn't the women. It's you...and your horrid, hateful attitude toward women (especially the rejects and the ugly ones, right? Har har, nudge nudge) and your ridiculous, entirely shallow standards which you yourself can't stand up to. And you know it.
You are totally wrong. I've said earlier on is thread I've had better looking women begin to show interest in me. In this Tinder generation, you go as far as your looks take you. I've tried to look better and I've had hope of dating, something I've haven't had in a while. Do I have anger issues? Hell yes, but I'm able to keep it in check IRL. Am I not going to waste time dating women I'm not physically attracted? Correct.
I don't have a horrid hateful attitude towards women. A lot of regulars will affirm this. Just because one person says it on CD does not make it true.
If the person is miserable, alone, negative and doesn't find pleasure in life (hobbies, interests) then how is that NOT changing for him-herself?
Anyone can do what s/he wants to do, I'm not telling anyone "you MUST change" (or change back...as I said, people are rarely NATURALLY so negative and hopeless and so that's NOT the person's natural state anyway). If you don't "want to change," don't. But then don't expect others to be attracted to you (not you, Ro, but the 'you' we're speaking of hypothetically here) any more than you'd be attracted to a negative, sad girl in a basement with no friends who doesn't like to wear anything non-rag-ish or comb her hair, and who doesn't find much of life fun at all.
Well in all fairness it seems like the negative sad girl will not go to internet forums talking about how she can't find a man. She'd probably just blog about it, or right in her diary or something else. Look, believe it or not I'm a advocate of getting out there and trying but for some people that still doesn't mean that they will not struggle. And with that doesn't mean they will not get discouraged and frustrated. Sometimes the best thing to do is to take a break It is not a just world. Some people are simply better than others in certain things dating is no different.
Quote:
And by the way, as a friend, what would you be saying to that ^ girl? "Don't ever try to change, that would be phony and wouldn't benefit you, the only reason you might do that is so others can approve of you"?
I never said that she nor anyone should ever change. I would tell her to do it because she wants to be a different person. Not to win the approval of myself or anyone else. No one is that special that a person should change to please them. Trust me I've been down that road before when I was in high school. I tried to change who I was to appeal to others and now it is my biggest regret because those people were not worth it. So when I left high school I just stopped caring so much what others thought of me and bam! I had a better social life. And I didn't even expect that.
Quote:
How about if you had a female friend who said she wished men had no freedom as society would be better, that men are overly-demanding, that men are all shallow and so on? "Don't ever change that POV, there's no reason to go changing for someone else"?
Now see I don't support the notion some of these assclowns have that women are chattel to be owned. But hell do you think people with that mentality will change if you argue with them enough on an internet board? I doubt it. I would keep my distance from such weirdos. I know there is frustration but that crosses the line.
Since a lot of people give you a hard time I'll try to be encouraging. I have a feeling you're a nice dude for real but you're frustrated and some can't understand your situation because they were never in your shoes. I have had the worst luck with women in my life and you probably understand me because you're in the same situation I was in. I was so jaded towards women that I treated them like enemies out to get me due to bad experiences. I didn't accept friendships, or even try to date for a year. Basically I withdrew and took myself out of the game due to bad luck. I then realized yes some women are bad people but you can't treat them all bad because a few hurt you. I changed for myself and women started to be more receptive towards me. If you don't want to change for a woman, change for yourself. While my luck is not as good as some of the other men on this forum, I am really trying to learn because I almost lost faith in women completely. I'm really on your side Diss, I know you can do it.
Finally something encouraging on this thread. It's hard, life is hard. It takes a lot to fail over and over again and get back up. Some people don't have that resolve.
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together, but I still can't accomplish 
