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You are totally wrong. I've said earlier on is thread I've had better looking women begin to show interest in me. In this Tinder generation, you go as far as your looks take you. I've tried to look better and I've had hope of dating, something I've haven't had in a while. Do I have anger issues? Hell yes, but I'm able to keep it in check IRL. Am I not going to waste time dating women I'm not physically attracted? Correct.
I don't have a horrid hateful attitude towards women. A lot of regulars will affirm this. Just because one person says it on CD does not make it true.
Just my advice, get offline for a while. Sometimes this forum can make you feel worse about your dating life. Breathe for awhile and then come back. Whenever I feel members gaining up on me or they **** me off it's time to log off for a bit. Just trying to be helpful.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Just my advice, get offline for a while. Sometimes this forum can make you feel worse about your dating life. Breathe for awhile and then come back. Whenever I feel members gaining up on me or they **** me off it's time to log off for a bit. Just trying to be helpful.
Thanks for trying to be helpful but I am not going to back down from people trying to attack my character and talking down to me.
What I "don't get" are the posters who blame the opposite sex, while taking no responsibility for their own roles and impossible standards.
I mean something like not being attracted to a woman who might "approach" first? Give me a break. Talk about self sabotage.
Definitely.
Always look to yourself first...not in a self-blaming way, not to be ashamed, but to change things. All of society, all of woman- or mankind isn't going to magically change just for you, specifically, to be able to get laid. YOU need to look at YOU. And okay, maybe it's not you. Maybe there really is some circumstance beyond your control. But the one thing you can control...is you. So look there.
When I was a young single parent I started to see a pattern where all the guys I dated seemed to be immature. Generally they were rather young themselves, so that was one reason and I understood that. But it was REALLY a pattern, I mean I did know guys my age who did take relationships a bit more seriously, and treat their relationships with care.
I realized something. I WANTED very "young-seeming" guys. And as I thought about it, I began to understand why. All of my life was maturity and responsibility, every minute of it. Being very very careful about the way I raised my son, his issues, parent-teacher conferences, having to vet and then constantly oversee babysitters. Having to work a hard, full week from the age of 17 (that wasn't when I became a parent, it was when I started working full-time...later I became a parent), having to pay rent, buy food, clothes, a car, auto insurance. Work work work, responsibility responsibility responsibility. ALL the time every single damned day of my life, night and day. Dress a certain way. Talk a certain way. Act a certain way. Be "a grownup" full-time...from a not-very-grownup age.
So subconsciously, what was I arranging? My cartoon/caricature vision of what "free" young people did. All the giggling har-har responsibility-free stuff. And though I didn't engage in any of that stuff to a ridiculous level (for example, I don't drink now and never really have, and I would always need to be back at a decent hour for the babysitter...when I did go out, because I did NOT want to be one of those "go out all the time" single parents, I was a parent first), I did want to feel young...I wanted to feel my age...so I was vicariously doing that...through guys who were kind of a caricature of "a young guy." (Again, nothing illicit, illegal or dangerous, I have never for example entertained the thought of dating someone with a criminal record, or someone heavily into drugs.)
So what was the problem? The problem was with the guys that my subconscious was picking for me.
That was a revelation. That problem began to resolve itself immediately after I realized what I was doing to contribute to the situation.
Sometimes you have to turn that finger around and point it at you...not to hate on or be angry at yourself, but to make things different. NOBODY is going to change these things for you, but you. Think about it. What's more likely? That an entire globe full of one sex or the other is horrid and worthless, or that YOU have some issue that's preventing you from having a relationship? Do the math.
I was gonna ignore this thread but I truly believe Diss is a good guy just frustrated with dating and is stuck in a rut. I wanted to at least try to encourage him instead of putting him down like others are doing. I just wish people who had it easy with dating could be more sympathetic to people who don't share the same luck. Build them up you could change their life for the best with good words.
You are totally wrong. I've said earlier on is thread I've had better looking women begin to show interest in me. In this Tinder generation, you go as far as your looks take you.
What? Meanwhile you JUST said:
Quote:
Guess what? I still can't change my luck in the dating realm
What are you saying...whatever will make you win the argument even if that changes from post to post?
I don't feel sorry for you. YOU feel sorry enough for you, you don't need me to help, nor anyone else. You'll say whatever it takes to look like the victim. I can't help you but at this point, even if I could I wouldn't, because you're not being honest, you're just trying to prove an ever-changing point so you can stay the victim.
I could also see that dating has gotten harder for some people...
Some people...
I personally don't have an answer for them. All I could say is work on yourself and try to get to a point where you can be happy with your life without someone else Try to look at the advantages of being single.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
What? Meanwhile you JUST said:
What are you saying...whatever will make you win the argument even if that changes from post to post?
I don't feel sorry for you. YOU feel sorry enough for you, you don't need me to help, nor anyone else. You'll say whatever it takes to look like the victim. I can't help you but at this point, even if I could I wouldn't, because you're not being honest, you're just trying to prove an ever-changing point so you can stay the victim.
Good luck.
I would consider a change of luck actually having the title of boyfriend. Having interest is nice for a change but, the title is what I'm after.
I've never asked ANYONE to feel sorry for me. I don't WANT anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't NEED or WANT anyone's sympathy. I'm going to triumph in the dating world or die trying. This is a very rare time in my life where I've actually had good evidence to hope and I'm going to take advantage of it.
I would consider a change of luck actually having the title of boyfriend. Having interest is nice for a change but, the title is what I'm after.
I've never asked ANYONE to feel sorry for me. I don't WANT anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't NEED or WANT anyone's sympathy. I'm going to triumph in the dating world or die trying. This is a very rare time in my life where I've actually had good evidence to hope and I'm going to take advantage of it.
What I "don't get" are the posters who blame the opposite sex, while taking no responsibility for their own roles and impossible standards.
I mean something like not being attracted to a woman who might "approach" first? Give me a break. Talk about self sabotage.
I wasn't gonna respond to this but I will. I am personally not interested in women who make the first move, I was at first but not anymore and I won't apologize for not liking it. Just because a woman talks to me doesn't mean I have to take an interest in her because I won't be interested. It has nothing to do with self-sabotage, it's just not my thing. I've always been told to be a man, men ask women out not the other way around. But the second a woman talks to me and I say no, then it's a problem. Like seriously, what do you people want us to do?
I wasn't gonna respond to this but I will. I am personally not interested in women who make the first move, I was at first but not anymore and I won't apologize for not liking it. Just because a woman talks to me doesn't mean I have to take an interest in her because I won't be interested. It has nothing to do with self-sabotage, it's just not my thing. I've always been told to be a man, men ask women out not the other way around. But the second a woman talks to me and I say no, then it's a problem. Like seriously, what do you people want us to do?
I see this as a preference...I wouldn't see it as a negative, personally...people are all different. Some women want to be approached and refuse to do the approaching (those would be the type for you, I think, if other factors line up as well...though I do know you already have one special lady ) and that's just considered a preference too (usually)...it just is what it is.
I don't think you should feel like you have to defend that. I get that you're going to get flack for it but anyone can get flack for anything, this is just your preference, it's what floats your boat, makes you tick, makes your day. It's not some crazy criterion or something, "She must have hair down to but not below her waist, medium-curly and no darker than a level 4" for example, LOL.
No, you are correct, do not apologize. And by the same token, if you insisted on being approached you shouldn't apologize for that either. That would probably reduce your chances considerably but wouldn't be anything apology-worthy, IMO.
Now if you were to say "I don't want women to approach me because women who approach are feminists who are ruining the globe and who secretly wish they were men, and they're X percent more likely to cheat," THEN I'm sure people would have something to say about it.
But just a preference that isn't hurting anyone...I can't see the harm myself.
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) and that's just considered a preference too (usually)...it just is what it is.