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Some unrealistically narrow their field or expect things they themselves can't deliver on, and set themselves up for failure and spend a lifetime complaining about it, though.
I doubt you have struggled with anything given what you post in these threads. Just sitting up on your high horse judging all of the lesser human beings. You've probably had an incredibly easy life.
Blah blah blah. Woe is freaking me.
Nobody is on their high horse. We're not giving you any advice that we haven't had to take ourselves which, by the way, is the entire purpose of this forum. The difference is that we had the courage and strength to make ourselves happy, while you seem to be content complaining.
I mean, do you read anything you write? And I'll say that to the other Sad Sacks on this board. Look at your profiles. Look at your words. Look at the face you show to the world. Hey, I'm not saying that you have to look, act, and speak like something out of the touring company of Up With People. Hell, I'm not that way either. But, my God, take an objective look at the continual negativism, cynicism, and pessimism that vomits forth with every post you write. Now imagine being a woman sitting across from you on a dinner date, having to essentially listen to the same load of crap. And then you wonder why she doesn't return your phone calls?
Do yourself a favor. A huge favor. Spend about ten minutes going back and reading your posts. Look at your profile. One guy on here, a perpetual Woe Is Me type goes so far as to describe himself as a Professional Cynic, as if that's some kind of desirable character trait or something. When I hear someone describe themselves as a cynic, that translates to "I'm the guy who will crap on anything and everything in the room and not substitute anything positive in return."
Well, let me clue you in. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be paired up with someone who is a cynic, a pessimist, or negative all the time. Or even most of the time. Because people like that suck the joy and life and energy out of every single moment. Guys like you can't go to a party and just enjoy yourselves because everybody else in the room somehow offends you in some trivial way. Guys like you kill happiness by taking every event and finding the flaw in it. I've never met you, but I know your type. If a happy moment arises, you're going to do your level best to suffocate it. You may not even realize you're doing it, but you are.
Almost all women like one kind of man, and one kind only: Men who enjoy their lives. Men who try to create rather than destroy. Men who aren't afraid of living and life.
Because, at the beating heart of cynicism, pessimism, and negativism isn't intellectual discernment. It's not a life philosophy either. Nope. It's cowardice, pure and simple. It's better to attack life and discredit it than simply shed one's fears and embrace it. Worse, it's being a baby. Because people like that are essentially begging the world to prop them up emotionally.
So sorry you have been hurt in the past. So the hell what? You act as if you're the only one. But the sad truth of it is that you're not unique, some wounded warrior from the battle of the sexes. Instead, if you think this way, you're a cliche, a quitter who exited the field after one or two setbacks.
We're just trying to tell you those things because we have actually found love and happiness in our lives. And all we want is that for you.
Both men and women have standards. But being too rigid and looking for people who check off all of the right boxes narrows your field.
In my view, it is not just about narrowing your field in the sense that fewer people will fit the desired attributes, it renders the seeker shallow, disinterested in the human side of the person, less interested in the caring, fun and other things that make a relationship worth doing. And THAT is wildly unattractive to most everyone who has matured even a little. (My 12yo gets it.) So even if SHE has all the attributes he desires, HE is going likely look mighty unattractive to her.
Originally Posted by cpg35223;44034551
Do yourself a favor. A huge favor. Spend about ten minutes going back and reading your posts. Look at your profile. One guy on here, a perpetual Woe Is Me type goes so far as to describe himself as a [B
Professional Cynic[/b], as if that's some kind of desirable character trait or something.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
In my view, it is not just about narrowing your field in the sense that fewer people will fit the desired attributes, it renders the seeker shallow, disinterested in the human side of the person, less interested in the caring, fun and other things that make a relationship worth doing. And THAT is wildly unattractive to most everyone who has matured even a little. (My 12yo gets it.) So even if SHE has all the attributes he desires, HE is going likely look mighty unattractive to her.
That's it. There are shallow standards (brunette, dark eyes, etc.)
And standards of character and personality: kind, smart, good chemistry between you, humor
Instead, predictably, it has devolved into excuses and pointed fingers.
Oh well, we don't always get what we want.
I'm not surprised, anytime a thread is made to single out a certain subset of people (even if some of those people deserve it). Yeah it's probably going to turn ugly.
Women will dump men over the dumbest things like height, he plays video games, and other things. Nobody bats an eye because women can have standards. I say I wouldn't date a woman who approaches me, has tattoos, likes a sports team I hate, or has a hair color I don't care for, and listens to stupid music. Everybody loses their minds! Double standards are everywhere here. I have standards and I won't date a woman for whatever that I deem a deal breaker. My options might be limited but it's better than being miserable. I shouldn't even have to defend this but I always do.
Nobody is on their high horse. We're not giving you any advice that we haven't had to take ourselves which, by the way, is the entire purpose of this forum. The difference is that we had the courage and strength to make ourselves happy, while you seem to be content complaining.
I mean, do you read anything you write? And I'll say that to the other Sad Sacks on this board. Look at your profiles. Look at your words. Look at the face you show to the world. Hey, I'm not saying that you have to look, act, and speak like something out of the touring company of Up With People. Hell, I'm not that way either. But, my God, take an objective look at the continual negativism, cynicism, and pessimism that vomits forth with every post you write. Now imagine being a woman sitting across from you on a dinner date, having to essentially listen to the same load of crap. And then you wonder why she doesn't return your phone calls?
Do yourself a favor. A huge favor. Spend about ten minutes going back and reading your posts. Look at your profile. One guy on here, a perpetual Woe Is Me type goes so far as to describe himself as a Professional Cynic, as if that's some kind of desirable character trait or something.
Well, let me clue you in. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be paired up with someone who is a cynic, a pessimist, or negative all the time. Or even most of the time. Because people like that suck the joy and life and energy out of every single moment. Guys like you can't go to a party and just enjoy yourselves because everybody else in the room somehow offends you. Guys like you kill happiness by taking every event and finding the flaw in it. I've never met you, but I know your type. If a happy moment arises, you're going to do your level best to suffocate it. You may not even realize you're doing it, but you are.
Almost all women like one kind of man, and one kind only: Men who enjoy their lives. Men who try to create rather than destroy. Men who aren't afraid of living and life.
Because, at the beating heart of cynicism, pessimism, and negativism isn't intellectual discernment. It's not a life philosophy either. Nope. It's cowardice, pure and simple. It's better to attack life and discredit it than simply shed one's fears and embrace it.
So sorry you have been hurt in the past. So the hell what? You act as if you're the only one. But the sad truth of it is that you're not unique, some wounded warrior from the battle of the sexes. Instead, if you think this way, you're a cliche, a quitter who exited the field after one or two setbacks.
We're just trying to tell you those things because we have actually found love and happiness in our lives. And all we want is that for you.
Ah yes the know-it-all, you know every f-ing thing there is to know. Do you know the cure for cancer? Do you know how to stop ISIS? Do you know how to solve the Flint water crisis. With all of this knowledge you supposedly waste your time telling a bunch of dudes that can't get dates that they suck and fail at life. If I had such great knowledge I would be out there solving some actual important problems then talking to a bunch of so-called losers. Maybe this strokes your ego.
Ah yes the know-it-all, you know every f-ing thing there is to know. Do you know the cure for cancer? Do you know how to stop ISIS? Do you know how to solve the Flint water crisis. With all of this knowledge you supposedly waste your time telling a bunch of dudes that can't get dates that they suck and fail at life. If I had such great knowledge I would be out there solving some actual important problems then talking to a bunch of so-called losers. Maybe this strokes your ego.
Lame bit of jujitsu. You don't have the basic courage to examine your own words, so you try to rebut me by going on the offensive. So, once again, you make my point for me.
And, by the way, I am pretty successful professionally. I'm not Richard Branson, but I've been self-employed for 23 years, which means I do indeed have the spare time to come on forums like this rather than slave away in a cubicle. More importantly, I have a wife that I love. And she loves me back. For twenty-five years. So if you're actually on this forum looking for insight on relationships, you might want to take the advice of those who have succeeded at them.
I guess what interests me about this particular thread is that every post you write sounds like some guys I knew in my twenties. Guys who were too freaking lazy to address their manifest character flaws. Instead, it was easier if they just acted like world-weary poseurs and blamed everybody but themselves for their relationship failures. Every once in a while, I bump into them. Yep, still single. Still alone.
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