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You can believe that if you want to, but it's not true. It's obvious that this goes beyond my pay grade here. You keep trying to equate typical human quirks and severe dysfunction. The problems you have detailed here are NOT something we "all" deal with.
I do wish you luck, but I'm tired of repeating myself. I hope you get help to understand the core issues that are keeping you unhappy.
Thanks for all your comments. They did not go unheard.
I'm 43 years old so there's little chance I'm going to meet someone else and I'm already married to someone I love. So it seems that I will hang in there with my wife for a bit more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wize
I just want to build a life with her. I don't need her to be perfect. I'm not. I'm 45, I don't want to be alone.
You can believe that if you want to, but it's not true. It's obvious that this goes beyond my pay grade here. You keep trying to equate typical human quirks and severe dysfunction. The problems you have detailed here are NOT something we "all" deal with.
I do wish you luck, but I'm tired of repeating myself. I hope you get help to understand the core issues that are keeping you unhappy.
Yep he sounds just like my brother who also makes the exact same excuses for his wife's completely insane behaviors. His wife also fits the BPD to a T. His excuse is she is insecure and if she feels threatened she does not know how to behave. Examples: she has called every single person on his cell phone and demanded to know what business they have with her husband! She goes crazy if my brother does anything to help our mother. She goes crazy when I have called him...as of now my mother, me and every single life long friend is blocked on my brothers phone. She goes crazy if he tries to see his son who is now 13 and knows hardly anything about my brother. My brother has completely abandoned him. This is exactly what his current wife wants...total control.
She has gone into rage fits and chased my brother with a knife. She has kicked and banged on my mothers door screaming at the top of her lungs...her I am in CA and I was calling the Sheriffs Dept in Houston just last month over this incident.
She needs to be institutionalized as my brother needs deep psychotherapy.
I sent this to my brother to try and help him understand his sickness as well as her's.
These are the traits of a person with BPD.
Quote:
Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived.
A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.
I think that last link is really good because it's true that women with certain conditions like BPD do seem to attract men when logic would be repelling them.
It's an easy trap to fall into when the right personalities meet. The women usually has a long and painful story of how she has been hurt and/or abandoned in the past. IMHO, it goes back to the man's desire to be different, to be THE ONE who doesn't hurt or abandon her.
So when the perfectly damaged woman meets the afraid-to-be-alone man who wants someone to save, wild horses couldn't tear them apart.
So when the perfectly damaged woman meets the afraid-to-be-alone man who wants someone to save, wild horses couldn't tear them apart.
Spot on and it's a recipe for a long miserable isolated existence. My brother is not happy...he has become fat, has lost all his life long friends, has no family ties not even to aunts, uncles or cousins, no longer plays his guitar and saxophone in bands that he has always made time for on the weekends...he has always been in a band, he sends me music all night long into the wee hours of the morning just as he did last night. Besides his work I am certain that I am the only outside contact that he has...I am certain she is 100% unaware of him sending me music all night. She just recently "caught" him doing the same with his life long friend and now that friends number has been blocked. She controls his phone 100%. He sends me music from a gmail account.
But he still stays and makes excuses for her behavior. He is a very intelligent person who has a duel degree in Astrophysicists and EE. He was always a free spirit just like me, until he found her on an overseas dating sight and then brought her over here from China and married her. Now he is trapped in his own personal hell simply because he did not want to be alone. The final nail in the coffin for him is when she led him down the path of her ultra fundamental religion with the most bizarre interpretations of it as well.
I should have posted the first part of the Women With Traits of BPD.
Imagine one of your big breakups. Can you really say that you didn't stay just a bit longer than you should have simply because you still loved the person? We've all stayed longer than we really should have because leaving someone you love is hard to do. If I wasn't serious about leaving my wife I wouldn't have packed up my belongings and left. What I'm struggling with is the love I still have for her. I'm not saying that, in my mind, this is a healthy relationship. Obviously it's not, thus my leaving. I'm just trying to figure out if it's irretrievably broken.
Imagine one of your big breakups. Can you really say that you didn't stay just a bit longer than you should have simply because you still loved the person? We've all stayed longer than we really should have because leaving someone you love is hard to do. If I wasn't serious about leaving my wife I wouldn't have packed up my belongings and left. What I'm struggling with is the love I still have for her. I'm not saying that, in my mind, this is a healthy relationship. Obviously it's not, thus my leaving. I'm just trying to figure out if it's irretrievably broken.
From what you have written so far, it was broken well before it ever started.
Go to the first page of this thread and read everything you have written.
Then ask yourself if that is the way you want to live your life.
Being alone and lonely is much better than being married and lonely.
Imagine one of your big breakups. Can you really say that you didn't stay just a bit longer than you should have simply because you still loved the person? We've all stayed longer than we really should have because leaving someone you love is hard to do. If I wasn't serious about leaving my wife I wouldn't have packed up my belongings and left. What I'm struggling with is the love I still have for her. I'm not saying that, in my mind, this is a healthy relationship. Obviously it's not, thus my leaving. I'm just trying to figure out if it's irretrievably broken.
You both are unhealthy and until you can get a handle on your own personal unresolved issues neither one of you will be successful in a relationship no matter who you end up with. You can't fix her issues just as she can't fix yours.
That is one thing I learned when I was very young...if you are not happy alone you will never be happy in a relationship. In order to be happy alone means that you have resolved your issues and have learned how to live a wholesome and balanced life. People spend their entire life going from one relationship to the next simply because they have never taken the time to find themselves or work out unresolved issues. What a sick cycle to exist in.
If you were emotionally healthy you would not even be attracted to such a person.
Also can you clear up your inconsistent posts about your age? You say in one post you are 45 then in another you are 43 AND in your OP you claim to be 44. Do you not know how old you are? Was it a typo in 3 different instances? Or are you just being deceptive about this entire story?
Why have you been dishonest about your age in 3 separate posts?
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