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Another poster who comes here, asks for advice, and then argues with everyone who gives him the correct answers, but not the dysfunctional ones that he wanted to hear.
Yes, it's been really rough so far, but that's to be expected with a 40something man and a late 30s woman bringing all their baggage in.
My husband and I were both 45 when we got married, not even a year and a half ago. Our "baggage" was more like carry-ons, and we dropped it off when we met. It hasn't been "really rough," it's been really great. Then again, we both had our lives together.
Your wife sounds like a hot mess. Her playing the victim has you thinking that choosing a new place to live over her own children is no big deal...that being estranged from her entire family is entirely their fault...
These things are not signs of a healthy, stable person.
Come on, man. How would you advise a buddy in this situation? You asked "did I do the right thing?" regarding separating from your wife. The responses have essentially been a unanimous "yes," and yet you argue back. You've said you don't want to be alone, and it seems like that's reason enough for you to refuse to admit you made a terrible mistake marrying this woman you barely knew.
Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than with someone like that. There's a reason you bailed after a few months. Those are much better instincts than the ones that guided you to marry a virtual stranger.
Why, oh why, do people come here looking for advice and reject every bit of it when given? You married someone you knew for a whopping 5 weeks and wonder why you're having marital issues. You have nothing positive to say about her yet you love her? Really, doesn't sound like it. The best advice given was to seek counseling, if not that then you're pretty much doomed.
I'll try to make this short. I met my wife at a family party as she is good friends with my sister. My wife brought her 3 children(from a previous marriage) with her to the party. We hit it off, fell in love and in 5 weeks we were married. Crazy, I know....
I was the unwilling observer of such a match.
My mother and father knew each other six week before they got married. Their life together was one ever-deepening crap hole until he died.
Your wife sounds like a hot mess. Her playing the victim has you thinking that choosing a new place to live over her own children is no big deal...that being estranged from her entire family is entirely their fault...
These things are not signs of a healthy, stable person.
See, that's the thing. You're taking everything he says at face value. I'll bet her perspective is just a little bit different than his. I doubt he's the angel he's pretending to be and she's not the devil either.
See, that's the thing. You're taking everything he says at face value. I'll bet her perspective is just a little bit different than his. I doubt he's the angel he's pretending to be and she's not the devil either.
No, I'm not. I said she sounds like a hot mess. All we have to go on is what he has posted.
Most people have their good and bad qualities. Nobody is all good and most people are not all bad.
As I mentioned upthread, love usually is not enough to make a marriage work.
Believe me, I take nothing on C-D at face value. Most people are here to share their own perspectives, not to present an unbiased view of a situation.
Ok. I don't want anyone to think I'm just arguing for arguments sake. Obviously it's very difficult to hear from so many people that my marriage is doomed. Just a lot to handle. I really didn't want to sound like I don't appreciate the advice given here. I very much appreciate it. None of you are obligated to help me out yet you have. So, thank you.
One question: is there some sort of online site where I can get reviews on good therapists? I live in a relatively rural area so there may not be many to choose from. But I'd like to find a really good therapist. My wife just told me she is willing to go. So I need a good one. Where should I start?
Op, yes, none of us are perfect, but most mom's wouldn't move 4 hours away and leave their kids. Why did she do this? Let me guess, because it's everyone else's fault where she lived before. So for starters, she isn't a good mom. And I have a sister, and let me tell you, she would need to do something pretty awful for me to not speak to her. That speaks volumes as well. You can't save this person, stop trying to be a white knight. You married a stranger. It takes at least 2 to 3 years to really know somebody. You are starting to know the real her, and it's not good. She is the ultimate victim, and now you are being sucked into that with your statement " I am the only one who stuck by her"...hmmm, wonder why? Why on earth would you marry someone that fast? Were you also looking to be " saved"...this woman is a train wreck, stay separated. You haven't even hit a year together, and most people can at least stay on good behaviour the first year. Also, why does she have no friends? Tells you something, doesn't it? I would bet when she talks about her ex friends, if she has any, she is also the victim in that too.
Last edited by canadiangirl_2015; 05-13-2016 at 10:55 AM..
A dozen red flags that you ignored by marrying her so soon.
Yes, stay separated. Her willingness to subject her kids to this kind of drama by marrying a guy after a bit more than a month should have been another red flag.
NEVER make children a part of your love life. They should be shielded from this kind of drama. That SHOULD be a normal part of the dating process.
THIS is why I think people should get to know each other (find out if they LIKE - rather than just be sexually attracted to - each other).
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