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I see no problem with the porn watching, albiet excessive. If I was in your situation, I think my problem would lie in WHAT he's watching. People watch things they fantisize about... the cheating porn would be a cause for concern to me.
Am I the only one who finds it very weird that this is a 9 year relationship and the issue is being a major issue.... now...?
Sorry, but if you've been together 9 years and it has always been like this you don't really have any right to just all the sudden give ultimatums and try to change him.
No, others are wondering the same thing: What changed after 9 years? Maybe something else is bothering OP.
Different question just out of curiosity....who really cares what the 'storyline' is with the porn being watched? He's having fantasies about cheating, or asians, or 2 women giving him oral (however that works) it all ends the same, doesn't it?...why assume he's going to act on it? He's acting on it by watching porn! ...IMO
Last edited by RbccL; 05-13-2016 at 11:56 AM..
Reason: quote
Am I the only one who finds it very weird that this is a 9 year relationship and the issue is being a major issue.... now...?
Sorry, but if you've been together 9 years and it has always been like this you don't really have any right to just all the sudden give ultimatums and try to change him.
Exactly. It seems she is totally anti-porn too, and very controlling about that, so I wonder if that is tainting her perspective.
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Am I the only one who finds it very weird that this is a 9 year relationship and the issue is being a major issue.... now...?
Sorry, but if you've been together 9 years and it has always been like this you don't really have any right to just all the sudden give ultimatums and try to change him.
Looking back at the OP to find an answer to this question, she says she knew he watched a lot of porn, but she didn't know it was everyday. But she recently learned it was every day. On the other hand, she says they've always had an active sex life, which she seems satisfied with. She doesn't mention that the porn is interfering with their sex life. Unless it did interfere, when she stayed home from work for 3 days, to have sex with him.
She didn't say he wasn't able to participate though, she only said she caught him in the act. So it's a little unclear as to why she has a problem with it. Maybe he wasn't able to keep up with her on those weekdays, due to his habit of masturbating to the porn.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-13-2016 at 12:50 PM..
So it's a little unclear as to why she has a problem with it.
It was never clear to me except the obvious that she doesn't like it...
I'm still trying to figure out why claiming to be the breadwinner was so important to mention in the post.
Kinda reminds me when I misbehaved as a teen under my father's roof. "As long as you live under my roof (breadwinner), you will do what I say, or else (ultimatum) I will not let <insert privilege here> (permission)."
It was never clear to me except the obvious that she doesn't like it...
I'm still trying to figure out why claiming to be the breadwinner was so important to mention in the post.
Kinda reminds me when I misbehaved as a teen under my father's roof. "As long as you live under my roof (breadwinner), you will do what I say, or else (ultimatum) I will not let <insert privilege here> (permission)."
Now I understand the posts that say she's controlling and it's like a mother/child relationship. That's a good point. But it doesn't obscure the fact that the OP seems to have a deep-seated problem, or addiction, stemming from being exposed to porn at an early age. I'd like to see this guy get help, but the relationship has other issues, as well. I wonder: does the OP's partner have a home business, or have any income-generating activity, or is he what they used to call a 'homemaker"? I wonder if the OP views him as her equal, or not.
Sounds like a business marriage where everyone needs to do as the other wants them to do or it's time for reevaluation.
i hate using the boring answer here, but it sounds like there is more issues happening within your marriage than just ones usage of porn and habit...the fact you had to stay home to have sex is just odd, like you feel you need to please the need or you will not be good enough anymore.
I have been with my husband for almost 9 years married 3. We have a very active sex life (4-5 times a week usually weekends). I stayed home 3 days to have sex with him this week. I knew my husband watched a lot of porn, but never thought it was everyday. In the last month I have caught him on several occasions. I have come home earlier from work or I'd go out to the store to quickly pick up food. He knows I could be home any minute, however still takes the chance that I'll catch him.We fought for 4 days last week about this whole mess. I told him it was his porn or our marriage. He begged me for another chance. He recently asked me if it was all right for him to look and not touch himself. Today he failed after a week of looking and not touching. I know they say the sins of the father are revisited upon the children. My father-in-law can't hold a relationship because he treats his girlfriends like sex slaves and watches porn each night (after all he in't married). He knows I look at his computer (yes I have my own). Tonight was surprised I found a bunch of cheating porns through pornhub-he has the site marked. Pretty much spouses cheating on their partners. Should I be worried? He usually watches asian women or double oral sex (two women on one man). He has never given me ANY indication that he would cheat. I'm 39 he's 30. I've had several relationships. He's had 3. I'm the 3rd. I am also the bread winner. Any advice would be good.
I'm so sick of disgusting men and their porn addiction. I'm sure he has been doing this for years and now he's just sloppy about it. For you OP, at least it hasn't gotten so bad to where you have been replaced by it! My husband has been watching "cheating porn" for years. He has even wanted to play it out in real life. I am now in therapy. He has refused to go. Needless to say, our marriage, is heading to splitsville. Take this VERY seriously. If you still love him and want to work it out, do counseling please, before it's too late.
And watching and wanking off to porn is one of them.
As long as it's not something that makes the relationship bad, and from what the OP says, it's more about her concerns than any actual problems caused by the porn.
Ladies, learn to live with it. Porn is porn, guys are guys.
Could think of far worse things guys could do in a relationship.
I asked my therapist, isn't it normal for ALL guys to watch porn? Am I making a big deal out of nothing. He told me, ALL guys do not watch porn and it is a problem. He has counseled numerous couples with the same types of sexual addiction and porn is always cited before bigger problems occur. Don't give this chick faulty advice just because your wanking it all day at the screen, ugh.
Last edited by Hotbloodedwoman; 05-13-2016 at 03:12 PM..
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