can a marriage survive without children? (wife, husband, family, separated)
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My friend is this pretty girl, she met her se in 2004 and they got married in 2013. They are now both in their mid thirties. The other day I was asking if they had any plans for having kids. She answered it would be something that probably would never happen since her husband doesn't want kids. She elaborated about it, how much her parents were expecting to have grandchildren, and she wanted kids herself. That made sad for her. Do you people can/should stay married in such case?
My friend is this pretty girl, she met her se in 2004 and they got married in 2013. They are now both in their mid thirties. The other day I was asking if they had any plans for having kids. She answered it would be something that probably would never happen since her husband doesn't want kids. She elaborated about it, how much her parents were expecting to have grandchildren, and she wanted kids herself. That made sad for her. Do you people can/should stay married in such case?
Sure, why not? I did not get married to have kids, I got married because I wanted to be with my wife.
If I wanted to get married only for kids, I'd just have a kid and not get married.
This subject is one that should be addressed long long before you get married. This is a deal breaker subject. People either want kids or they don't, it's like being sorta pregnant.
I actually don't know any separated or divorced people who do not have children. Sad actually. I have one coworker who is into his late 50s (I assume his wife is about the same age) and they've been married a long time. I do know that money is not an issue with him and his wife doesn't work. Being childless is a lot less burden on finances and money is one of the top reasons for a divorce. Probably earns less than I but has a vacation home near the shore.
I"m sure I can't draw any conclusions from that observation.... I think a marriage's survival is mostly on what the two people put into it.
She made her decision when she married her husband, so apparently having kids isn't that important to her. If you mean to ask more generally, Can marriage survive without kids, sure! Marriages thrive without kids. Studies show that having kids puts stress on a marriage, on the couple. Some marriages are able to roll with the punches and overcome that strain, some do well in spite of it, and others don't make it.
Marriages don't survive if there are fundamental incompatibilities in goals and values (or, if they do survive because those involved are opposed to ending things for a variety of philosophical reasons, they don't survive as happy, fulfilled marriages, just people going through the motions with resentment and disappointment building).
Building a family with someone is one of those areas ripe for fundamental incompatibility. If you very much want children, you will ultimately be less happy in life if you end up deciding to forgo fulfilling that want due to a partner's wishes to the contrary. Likewise, if you very much desire NOT to be a parent, you will ultimately be less happy in life if you end up going with a partner's contradictory wishes on the matter. You either match up well in this area or you don't, and if you don't, it's far from an ideal partnership.
If neither party WANTS kids, that's obviously a total different story. There is no fundamental conflict.
This subject is one that should be addressed long long before you get married. This is a deal breaker subject. People either want kids or they don't, it's like being sorta pregnant.
I would liken it to "accidental" pregnancy myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
I actually don't know any separated or divorced people who do not have children. Sad actually. I have one coworker who is into his late 50s (I assume his wife is about the same age) and they've been married a long time. I do know that money is not an issue with him and his wife doesn't work. Being childless is a lot less burden on finances and money is one of the top reasons for a divorce. Probably earns less than I but has a vacation home near the shore.
I"m sure I can't draw any conclusions from that observation.... I think a marriage's survival is mostly on what the two people put into it.
Is that really the case, though? I hear this bunk about kids costing a cool quarter mil to raise to adulthood, but I have never seen this in practice. My mom sure as hell didn't make that amount x3 to raise three kids. She didn't file for BK or mooch welfare, either. Most parents probably don't pay for college (at least in full--my siblings went the military route and I pulled my own loans later on); the house was going to be bought anyway; the kids probably aren't wearing clothes made of gold threads, either. You still need a minivan to get to work and staying at home takes care of child care expenses. Tax credits, btw.
Besides, I'm not sure money in and of itself is behind the divorces, but rather a stark contrast in spending habits. The sex and horny feelings were great, so the rest didn't matter. My brother and sister are laughably prone to lighting their money on fire on a whim on grownup toys. They must have picked well to stay married so far.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
You either match up well in this area or you don't, and if you don't, it's far from an ideal partnership.
Like the above article, we became parents in the past year, and many of our experiences mirror those in the article. The much- predicted huge costs of having a child haven't really started up yet for us. BUT...
...our baby is breastfed. Not an option for everyone. Formula is costly, even with the steady stream of rebate coupons formula companies send.
...we have loads of freebies and hand me downs, due to our kid
being the youngest of seven close in age cousins. Buying clothes and toys and equipment is rare.
... we don't yet pay for childcare. Childcare is HIDEOUSLY expensive, often to the point of eating up one parent's paycheck and then some, which makes both parents working a financial lose- lose scenario.
... we have excellent health care thanks to the military. People who have poor coverage and/or lose their coverage and/or have okay- but- not- great, high- deductible insurance can take a major hit if they have a baby who is anything less than 100% in optimum health or if there are even slight l&d complications.
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