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Hi. I have a bit of a delicate situation with my hubby. We met four years ago and we've been married a little over two years (!) and are now talking about starting a family (!). I'll call him Dave but that's obviously not his real name.
Dave and I met at a time when I had almost lost hope that I'd meet the right guy. Well I met Dave and he swept me off my feet. When we got intimate I found out that he was the most caring and patient (and good!) guy in the world. Anyway, his romantic life before me was (very) limited as I found out when we talked about our relationships in the past. So when I told him about my past I mentioned the real boyfriends I've had and left out details of the not-so-real boyfriends. I didn't want to hurt his feelings that I was more experienced.
We have a pretty large social circle. I've actually helped Dave come out of his shell a lot. We're always invited to parties and we do our share of hosting as well. He has recently become I guess pretty good friends with a guy. This is a guy from a while ago and falls under the not-so-real boyfriends I had before meeting Dave. Anyway Dave doesn't know anything about that guy and me. That guy comes around to our house once in a while and it feels weird to me that Dave and he have become friends.
Do I have any need / moral obligation / whatever the term is, to tell Dave about that guy? The other guy hasn't said anything but what if he accidentally says something? So not really earth shattering but I'd like some suggestions please.
Although your husband may like your ex, he may find it awkward to be friends with him since he's been intimate with you, especially since he comes to the house periodically.Your husband has a right to decide whether or not he wants to be friends with one of your ex-lovers. You must let him know asap.
Keep mum about your past. You have no right to tell your husband and he has no right to know. If you are in one of those marriages where you both had to tell everything, that may be different. But most marriages are not like that.
Listen to Eddy Arnold:
If I were in your shoes, I'm more inclined to leave the past in the past. You are married now and that's all that matters. If it comes up, then.. don't try to hide it.... just be transparent. Bringing it up out of no where is bringing the past forward and shows that he (and your time together) is on your mind.
Then again, only you can gauge the pro/cons and your husband's way of handling this type of news and his expectations in your relationship.
I'm pulling from personal experience. I have a long past.. I am my wife's first and only. With the exception of my previous GF (they know each other), she knows no other details and she has no real interest in knowing.
Although your husband may like your ex, he may find it awkward to be friends with him since he's been intimate with you, especially since he comes to the house periodically.Your husband has a right to decide whether or not he wants to be friends with one of your ex-lovers. You must let him know asap.
Well this is what I'm afraid of. Dave will feel awkward and might get bent out of shape. Actually, it surprising that the two have become buddies in the first place because their personalities are so different. Dave is an introvert while the guy is mr extravert. Dave has told me how the guy tells him stories about his travels (his job used to involve a lot of travel) and his adventures and all the ladies he's dated so I guess Dave is intrigued or something.
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