Dinner behavior that is driving me nuts!! (dates, marriage, husband)
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Before I start with my husband-let me say this may very well be a learned behavior. From the very 1st time my family invited my prospective mother in law out to eat with us them she was so fixated and staring at the couple next to her it was uncomfortable for them and I felt bad and ashamed of her. I figured it was because they they had young babies and she was longing for grandchildren. However, even after we got married had her grandchildren and then long after- when we dine out in her home town she literally seems so interested in the table next to us that when we address her in conversation she says "OH What?"
Well, my husband and I have been happily married for 7 years and only the last 2 dates (which are rare because we have 4 kids) have I noticed him doing the same thing. On our 7th year anniversary date- I was SO happy to be there. Then he started to stare and react to the conversation at the table to next to us. I finally said "If what is going on at the table next to us is more interesting-I'll just excuse myself"- to which he responded "huh what?". I do not consider myself boring. I make an effort to make non kid related conversation but lately we are drifting apart and when he suggests date night - I don't even get excited because it means us going out and me being there but ignored..... I am not socially inept but the person I ask out in any situation is the person of my focus.
That is strange. In the case of your MIL or any guest, if that happens chronically, I'd stop inviting them. In the case of your husband, when he said, "huh, what?", I'd have left, because it was clear he wasn't interested in his dining companion.
That's weird; I've never seen anyone become enthralled with the people or convo at the next table over. It's a bit rude to the strangers at that table, to have someone staring at them. Not to mention how rude it is to the staring person's dining companions. Maybe you should choose a different activity for your rare dates, as dinner doesn't seem to interest him. Is everything else ok in the marriage (as much as can be expected, with 4 kids)?
It would irritate me, too, especially if it's so rare an occasion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
That is strange. In the case of your MIL or any guest, if that happens chronically, I'd stop inviting them. In the case of your husband, when he said, "huh, what?", I'd have left, because it was clear he wasn't interested in his dining companion.
That's weird; I've never seen anyone become enthralled with the people or convo at the next table over. It's a bit rude to the strangers at that table, to have someone staring at them. Not to mention how rude it is to the staring person's dining companions. Maybe you should choose a different activity for your rare dates, as dinner doesn't seem to interest him.
I have a SIL who does this; she blatantly stares and listens to other people's actions and conversations and is involved to the point where she intrudes, as in the time we were sitting at a restaurant bar and she told one of the bartenders that the waitress liked him, she could tell. She also stares at sick/injured people at the hospital.
I'm assuming (hoping) the people who do this are just not aware they're doing it. I don't see how, but that's what I'm assuming.
It would irritate me, too, especially if it's so rare an occasion.
I have a SIL who does this; she blatantly stares and listens to other people's actions and conversations and is involved to the point where she intrudes, as in the time we were sitting at a restaurant bar and she told one of the bartenders that the waitress liked him, she could tell. She also stares at sick/injured people at the hospital.
I'm assuming (hoping) the people who do this are just not aware they're doing it. I don't see how, but that's what I'm assuming.
Apparently these are people whose parents never told them that staring is rude. Unbelievable!
Apparently these are people whose parents never told them that staring is rude. Unbelievable!
That's what I mean, it's Manners 101. Isn't that one of the first things we're taught? lol
OP, have you tried telling your husband that this really makes you feel unimportant, unappreciated, etc.? I mean, just in a calm and serious way? Or told him you'd really like these rare outings to be a time for you to enjoy each other, reconnect as a romantic couple?
Last edited by SeaOfGrass; 05-16-2016 at 06:10 PM..
I honestly have never heard of this kind of behavior before. I'll sometimes comment in a public setting if a person next to me is saying/doing something in an obviously outgoing way, but starting at someone else's dinner table and trying to engage? If I were those people I'd be SO weirded out.
Well as far as the dinner thing when I talk to him calmly he seems to honestly be unaware of doing it. When I talk to him about my feeling like we are growing apart he insists I'm the only one that feels that way and that he is crazy about me but yes- his behavior says he's uninterested.
I wonder if when his family went to dinner together when he was growing up if they just sat not talking and staring at nearby people.
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She also stares at sick/injured people at the hospital.
