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I have hung out in neighborhoods with a lot of single men, especially IT workers, and I have picked up on a trend. These guys will typically follow you in Whole Foods, Target - where ever you are - and either stare at you (if they are brave) or just stand within close proximity to you, AND SAY NOTHING. They are hoping that you will initiate conversation or something.
I just thought of another question: what setting/environment makes men most comfortable to hit on women? Right now, I'm thinking a crowded bar where everyoneis drunk. You have no inhibitions because youre drunk, plus if she rejects you then you can easily dart away anonymously.
But besides that, what are some sober situations that make guys comfortable. I WANT guys to talk to me, but the way I described in the OP isnt working.
A lot of women over 30 go to happy hours after work imo that is a really hard place to approach a woman.
Also, How retarded would one have to be to not realize or understand this level of sarcasm? Nobody is laughing at you. They're feeling sorry for you.
You actually took the time to investigate this post
Enjoy your cats and may god be with you LOL
Also, you have poor grammar. That part isn't a joke.
Are you hitting on me?
You are a fake and a proven liar, you twist your words around when questioned. You state you have been in college for 15 or 20 years and still don't have a degree-- yet go all around CD replying "you have bad grammar" when you can't defend yourself legitimately.
Quit trolling "Sr member since March of 2016", even if anyone you accuse actually did have POOR grammar (proper use of the term) that has no effect on the content. By the time you get your degree you may have had to pass a critical thinking skills class, and will be able to come to some valid conclusions.
I still call that hitting on women. It's not a bad thing (as long as you don't take the term literally - then it's really bad). I want men to hit on me, if they're in my league that is. (I'm not perfect but I have a realistic grasp of who's on my level) A lot of the wimps in the OP that I described probably would have a good chance with me if they were more assertive. I am probably going to get attacked for saying this, but as a female I am kinda angry at other females for making it so taboo for guys to talk to you. There is a clear difference between harassment and an honest boy trying to make a move. More women need to learn the difference. If a guy hits on me and I'm not interested, I find a polite way to fend him off. But I am not going to go call the police and claim that I was the victim of sexual harassment.
Of course, guys need to have a more realistic idea of what they are capable of getting. I get disgusted when men 40 years older than me, in really bad shape (I am fit), try to make a pass at me. But still, I just politely shrug them off and move on.
These are great points! I have enough awareness to distinguish between the genuine, nice men who are just a tad nervous around women and blatant jeepers-creepers. And, I agree: I expect guys to have as realistic a view of their attractiveness as I do. I know that I am not a "10", but I do know that I appeal to a fair-sized amount of the male (and some female) population. Most of my unhappy relationships have been marked by a distinct mismatch in (a) physical attractiveness and (b) intellectual compatibility.
I thought of something while reading all this and I'd like to point something out and am hoping to be able to be very gentle about it, because I do know what crippling shyness is like. It's torture for women/girls too, and not just in a "romantic" relationships way, but for every single aspect of every single interaction. So please let's not go to the place of "shy women may still get approached by a man so they have no worries".
Okay, with that said...someone pointed out that being a shy/"nice" guy does not necessarily mean you're an overlooked relationship gem. (My paraphrase, that actual analogy wasn't used.) Though I'm a person who loves delving into the still waters run deep type of guy, I have to say: that is SO VERY true.
Listen, guys. When a woman sees you're shy to a crippling extent she's going to sense that other issues may be there...and she may be right. She doesn't HAVE to be right (there will always be exceptions) but it follows. A guy who is crippled by his inability to approach women may also have issues speaking up for himself in other areas. He may miss other opportunities routinely. He may lack other social skills. He may not be able to communicate even with a woman whom he trusts, in a satisfying give-and-take relationship sort of way. He may never step up to the plate. She may be the one calling every service place to make the complaint because he's terrified to, she may be the one to show up at every negative interaction with teachers to take the brunt, she may be the one begging her boss for a raise YET AGAIN because he's too terrified to. And on and on and on. For their entire married lives.
I lived that and it's torture. It's exhausting. You resent it. It's awful. And my guy wasn't even shy, just very passive. I THOUGHT it was an appealing trait. Instead it made me literally into the mommy. Who in the nine frozen hells needs that and what could be a bigger turnoff?
Not every quiet guy is some diamond in the rough. Some ARE so please don't think I'm excluding every shy person and please also know that I'm not lumping "quiet" in with "shy" as a person can be very quiet indeed but not actually be shy and also not have social anxieties per se. But this whole mystique of "the quiet guy is so amaaaaaaaaaaazingly great under the surface" is not necessarily true. File it under "warrior poet" and "bad boy with a heart of gold." It's an image but not necessarily an accurate one among the general population.
In order to have any friends at all, much less grow up to be a person who could obtain and execute good jobs and further my own career, have romantic relationships, have platonic relationships, hell, just to function, I had to overcome my own shyness and it took work. A ton of work. Years worth of work. But extreme passivity wasn't doing me any favors so I undertook it. I didn't expect the world to come running to me to delve in there and discover my secret silent charms. And yes, shy girls to get overlooked. Period. The fact that some guys here can't even see that we exist is PROOF POSITIVE that shy girls can be LITERALLY INVISIBLE to men, full stop. I can't believe that's so impossible for some to see.
If you're shy and happy, good. If you're shy and unhappy, change things. You're not changing "yourself" or the "inner core of your being" or some other defensive nonsense, you're changing your communication style so that others can understand you. It's like learning French in order to go to France adn be understood. You're not "naturally French," even the accent, much less the words feels "weird" to your mouth, and beyond that you see cultural differences. You learn anyway and now you're understood, but you're still yourself. It is no different for teaching yourself to reach out and make people understand you.
If you are miserable but don't want to change this communication style and come out of your shell then that's fine, that's your choice and nobody can tell you that you're wrong, BUT at the same time, do not then expect that the world will suddenly realize what an amazing find you are and the women (or men) will come flocking. People want to be appreciated just as you want to be appreciated. Having to do 100% of the work is wearing and after a while, a bit of an insult. Guys here, tell me you've never felt this way about a woman...I mean I see that complaint all the time on here. Why do you think women would be any different? How you present yourself is up to you. And that's it.
So basically men are also expected to be the ones to ask for promotions or raises at work, not women, as well?
If some guy was just standing there staring, I'd be totally weirded out and walk on by. However if that same guy made an observation about something I was looking at or said, Hey I've I've bought that brand before and it sucks/was good/is worth the money - then I'd be a lot more likely to notice him and engage in conversation with him at that point.
So basically men are also expected to be the ones to ask for promotions or raises at work, not women, as well?
Uh, what??????????
No.
How on earth did you get that from my post?
As a person who has worked full-time since 1985 (and part-time in recent years), if I wanted a raise and there wasn't one on the horizon (COL, merit or whatever), I had to ask. In fact, I just asked for and got a raise a few months ago.
Why would a man come in and ask for ME to get a raise? LOL. Or are you saying a woman "should" have a husband and he'd be the one who should ask for a raise...? No, I'm not saying either of those things. Throughout my entire career, if I wanted a raise, I had to ask for a raise. If I wanted a promotion, I had to do my homework and come to my boss presenting a case why I was the good candidate. And so on. And when married, no, I didn't expect my husband to ask for a raise RATHER THAN me asking for one, that doesn't make sense. If I hadn't asked, self-promoted, worked hard and done my due dilligence, I'd never have gotten anywhere. This would have been true had I been born either a woman or a man. I happen to be a woman.
I'm curious how you got what you said above ^^ out of the post of mine you quoted. Would you mind sharing? I sated the "yet again" example as the wife having to always be the one to ask, whereas the husband never does. That would be uncomfortable and probably wouldn't be unilaterally successful. Of course the same would go for the man always having to be the one to ask for the raise, though, so... ??? I'm just not sure how you came to this conclusion. I imagine if I sat there being my "shy" silent self being taken advantage of at work and never getting a raise, passively sitting back letting my husband panic and have to step up to the plate YET AGAIN, he'd find that annoying, and possibly would ultimately find it pretty darned untenable. Well, so too would I, were this role reversed.
It might work for women to just stand there, play with their hair, clear their throats, smile, giggle, act shy, make eye contact and then look away with a smile, etc. But for guys? Naaaaah. It may happen but its rare. From what it is commonly said women still prefer the traditional role of having a man take initiative, break the ice, ask out, pay, etc. It is supposed to show them you are interested, serious, brave, will do anything for her, and so on. If they ever take the first step to approach and hit on a man it is said they feel the guy is not interested in them and therefore rather just move on.
Hmm, I only feel that way if she shows initiative first. I guess this will be an impasse forever.
Women actually do give off signals that they are receptive to men's advances. It just up to men to be able to decipher them.
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It's not a bad thing (as long as you don't take the term literally - then it's really bad). I want men to hit on me, if they're in my league that is. (I'm not perfect but I have a realistic grasp of who's on my level) A lot of the wimps in the OP that I described probably would have a good chance with me if they were more assertive. I am probably going to get attacked for saying this, but as a female I am kinda angry at other females for making it so taboo for guys to talk to you. There is a clear difference between harassment and an honest boy trying to make a move. More women need to learn the difference. If a guy hits on me and I'm not interested, I find a polite way to fend him off. But I am not going to go call the police and claim that I was the victim of sexual harassment.
