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I have seen the no contact rule being advocated in many places and I seem to agree with it. This rule emphasizes a complete cut off from all things in your past relationship - that means Facebook friendship, pictures, phone number contact, anything memorable - cards, mementos etc.
I used this in my last relationship and it worked well except my ex said by cutting her off I was cruel and that I should've kept in touch and periodically asked how she was doing and also kept her as a friend. I thought that was unreasonable as I had to move on to and the no contact helped me in my healing.
Now, on my upcoming breakup, we have discussed parting ways and she says that she absolutely cannot imagine I will cut her out of her life so abruptly and that I should continue being her friend - by phone and on FB as well. I told her this is a bad idea, I cannot move on if we are seeing each others news feed, pictures and I have no interest in seeing any new lovers that she may meet, virtually no interest in that. She disagrees and says that if I don't continue to be her friend it means she never meant anything to me in the first place and the relationship never meant anything. I don't see logic in this.
Each person has to do with what works best for them. With a total break up, the no contact rule works. Someone who wants to keep in contact still has feelings and wants to keep in touch, probably hoping for reconcilliation, or to keep tabs on you. Not healthy.
... she says that she absolutely cannot imagine I will cut her out of her life so abruptly and that I should continue being her friend - by phone and on FB as well. ... She disagrees and says that if I don't continue to be her friend it means she never meant anything to me in the first place and the relationship never meant anything.
That's just her manipulating you AGAIN.
Besides, it's too late for this break-up to be "abrupt." Y'all are dragging this out for no good reason. If there were anyone who should go "no contact," it's the two of you ... as soon as possible.
It usually seems like men have an easier time with the clean break thing. I have a hard time going cold turkey so it does seem cold to abruptly cut me off like it was nothing.
But to be fair, it's not like I can be friends with my exes either. It would be nice to be on good terms with them and hear a "hi" every now and then but nothing constant. The clean break thing hurts like a b*** but it's really for the best.
After a break up, I don't give a flying flip what my ex thinks of me. They all can go lick poisonous dart frog for all I care.
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