Hey folks,
Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up late last year, she was stressed out over some serious life choices she had to make and we lived about an hour and a half apart, which is not that serious of a distance but still quite difficult for someone like me who was working and finishing up college while she was also in the same boat. I guess the distance played a role too. In the time after the break up, we both hooked up with other people, and spoke progressively less, maybe even avoiding each other. When we did speak however, we were OK. I was bitter but I didn't let it show, we were both perhaps nervous about wanting to act again on our feelings, and so on.
In April, things changed a little. She decided her next step in life required her to move much closer to me, making distance a non-issue and by default, making me think the circumstances of our break-up would be undone. We hooked up a few times this past month but recently had a discussion in which she indicated she didn't want to seriously see anyone for a while while she continued to figure things out in her personal life. She's a very nice, down-to-earth person, we had no issues sharing that we still love and care for each other, and she was very supportive when I vented about my feelings, as I tried to be when she did about hers.
In theory, I don't feel like I have any reason to be mad with her and I'm trying not to be a baby about the whole thing. She didn't lie to me and continues to be honest. She is still very supportive, can joke with me, can reminisce about the good times we had. The problem is, I'm quite bitter about the whole thing. Without going into details about her situation, I understand that life overwhelms people and makes them feel like a relationship will only tie them down and add more stress. But I do get jealous, knowing she is constantly in the area and no longer hitting me up. Maybe a ramification of the times when were doing long distance, and her being in the area meant we would always see each other. If she was not in my neck of the woods for me, she still made time for me whenever she finished doing whatever errand she had to do. Now I have to learn to deal with her being here but not for me. I have to deal with the fact that I'm not an exception, and that if no relationship is going to be less stressful for her, then that includes a relationship with me.
And like I said, I totally get it. But I get jealous tendencies about the whole thing. I certainly don't act on them, but I think sometimes it becomes a little transparent and I get a message asking if I'm OK, if there's anything I want to say, etc. I'm very civil about the whole thing, mainly because I don't want to keep beating on a dead horse but also because I do not want to add more stress on her. I am bitter it had to end, that it can't start up again right now, and that relationships aren't healthy for her right now, but I don't think it means there was too much wrongdoing on her part.
Is this natural? What are the best ways to cope with jealousy when the person you care about didn't do anything inherently wrong but you still feel bitter? How do you get over the fact that the person you care deeply about is about to start casually hooking up with others while both of you have a sense that there's still unfinished business between the two of you?
Thanks for any advice
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