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To all the above,
I have tried having a serious conversation with him a few months back and he has said many times he would consider making a shift from consulting to another company where he can get more operational and execution experience.
He got a job offer from a company that he seems to relatively like. It is an operational and strategy role for a budding start up at home.
At that point of time, I was really excited for him, and I encouraged him that this would be his in into more of an operational role and at the same time, he could spend more quality time back home with this change. He was offered a really good package with a hike in salary and a really good position- a team lead role. However, he seems to have wavered.
He keeps bringing up that he is flying everywhere and earning the dough for me. But the truth is , I've told him many times I don't mind him making a little less as long as he has more time at home. I value his presence way more than the money.
Also, I am a corporate and investment banker.. so I am financially independent and can support myself and aid with bills.
He says he wants operational and execution experience.. and he says he wants to do consulting too. He seems to like both roles.. so I don't understand why he wouldn't want to make the switch. I know he loves his current job. But it's one of his goals too to get into an operational role and finally make an advancement to team lead (plus he gets to be home more).
He says he wants operational and execution experience.. and he says he wants to do consulting too. He seems to like both roles.. so I don't understand why he wouldn't want to make the switch. I know he loves his current job. But it's one of his goals too to get into an operational role and finally make an advancement to team lead (plus he gets to be home more).
I just don't understand anymore.
That doesn't appear to be one of his goals, as he has not accepted that offer.
It's not what they say, it's what they do...... But it sounds like you always give in, so he knows how it works.
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His employer does not think of you OP probably because your BF never mentions your existence or indicates that his frequent travel is a big problem. As far as I know, most good non military employers are able to show some flexibility with scheduling travel for valued employees if requested. Clearly, your BF is accepting more and more traveling assignments. Could it be that he actually wants to spend less time with you?
As was pointed out in this thread it does not sounds like your relationship is going to work. I believe when your BF is back, you might have a final serious discussion with him. You should not cry and beg but just tell him that the current arrangements are not working for you. Tell him that you will be OK if he makes less money but you need to spend more time with him. If he does not make any changes, then you will have your answer. I know this is not easy...
But I would also suggest that when your BF is away and you have an opportunity to talk, don't just *****, cry and complain. That just adds more pressure for him, makes the conversation unpleasant and that is probably why he avoids them. I would encourage you to have more serious discussion whenever he is back...
This whole conversation is really going no where though. This is what dating is for, to find out if you have the same ideas about a future with someone. Clearly, you don't. The thing is, I doubt the OP will listen, then will get married and have kids, and then will whine about her husband never being there to help with the kids, not realizing that this is the life she is signing up for. You aren't doing yourself any favours by crying on the phone with him and making him feel bad. Maybe he likes a job with travel involved, some people do, and that's not wrong. Maybe this person doesn't require as much " together" time as you do, and that's not wrong either, it's just different. Regardless, this isn't what you want in a partner, so you should really admit that. Sure, he may give up his job for you if you cry enough and complain enough, but then what? Eventually he will resent you for that, so what is the point? You need to accept a partner at face value, not work with potential or trying to change someone.
To all the above,
I have tried having a serious conversation with him a few months back and he has said many times he would consider making a shift from consulting to another company where he can get more operational and execution experience.
He got a job offer from a company that he seems to relatively like. It is an operational and strategy role for a budding start up at home.
At that point of time, I was really excited for him, and I encouraged him that this would be his in into more of an operational role and at the same time, he could spend more quality time back home with this change. He was offered a really good package with a hike in salary and a really good position- a team lead role. However, he seems to have wavered.
He keeps bringing up that he is flying everywhere and earning the dough for me. But the truth is , I've told him many times I don't mind him making a little less as long as he has more time at home. I value his presence way more than the money.
Also, I am a corporate and investment banker.. so I am financially independent and can support myself and aid with bills.
He says he wants operational and execution experience.. and he says he wants to do consulting too. He seems to like both roles.. so I don't understand why he wouldn't want to make the switch. I know he loves his current job. But it's one of his goals too to get into an operational role and finally make an advancement to team lead (plus he gets to be home more).
I just don't understand anymore.
no matter what you say and argue, it comes down to that. HE LOVES HIS JOB.
This whole conversation is really going no where though. This is what dating is for, to find out if you have the same ideas about a future with someone. Clearly, you don't. The thing is, I doubt the OP will listen, then will get married and have kids, and then will whine about her husband never being there to help with the kids, not realizing that this is the life she is signing up for. You aren't doing yourself any favours by crying on the phone with him and making him feel bad. Maybe he likes a job with travel involved, some people do, and that's not wrong. Maybe this person doesn't require as much " together" time as you do, and that's not wrong either, it's just different. Regardless, this isn't what you want in a partner, so you should really admit that. Sure, he may give up his job for you if you cry enough and complain enough, but then what? Eventually he will resent you for that, so what is the point? You need to accept a partner at face value, not work with potential or trying to change someone.
I guess we can say the same for him too , no?
I have brought up several times that this is not working out for me and that he needs to accept that I have higher anxiety levels than him, while he is more of an "avoidant" partner in our relationship.
He doesn't seem to take me seriously though. He dismisses me when I tell him it is not working out for me. He replies with "...but I love you, and I don't wish to end this".. and I will usually reply with , "then can we find a compromise or a middle ground?"
I've brought the issue up so many times and I'm always faced with the same answers which in turn, leads to hope that he can come to a compromise with me.
So shouldn't he accept me as the OP at face value then.. understanding that I am who I am and we both have very different approaches in our relationship? I clearly need more contact, while he needs less.
It's not one-sided everytime I bring it up. But nothing changes over distance. He will continue to act the same way and be frequently MIA and un-contactable.
I guess you don't understand how it is a little more complicated than that.
He loves his job, and he says he loves me too and wants both.He constantly says why cant he have both? S0 everytime I bring up how we are not working, he would tell me not to leave.
And, I would always tell him people don't get everything they want in this world. They either choose or compromise.
And I am not the type to abruptly leave the relationship. I too, wish that this would work out for the both of us.
It's not like I refuse to be realistic, it's just not as simple.
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