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Old 05-31-2016, 11:30 AM
 
6,351 posts, read 9,948,111 times
Reputation: 3490

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I have heard from countless people who tell me that they need x,y and z in relationships and that they have to "get laid" and have to have the "girl" or "boy" etc...and when I see them in a relationship, they always seem miserable.

And it gets even worse with marriage: so many people in loveless marriages who can't stand each other and seem to just be going through the motions in life. I can't help but think that these people simply followed society's expectations and not what their actual desires are telling them.

Honestly, step aside and sit somewhere quiet and alone and ask yourself: what do I WANT Not "what will my friends think" or "what is my family telling me" or even "what does my shrink say," but what do YOU want. The answer will most likely surprise a lot of people.

Let's say you were to cast aside all rules but these three: 1) don't hurt anyone or their property 2) don't do anything ridiculously illegal ( I say "ridiculously" because of things like jaywalking) and 3) do what YOU want to do, where would you be relationship wise?

Honestly: just like so much of why people "crash diet" when they aren't even fat is societal pressure, how much of people spending late nights on dating sites is "societal pressure" to "find someone" as opposed to a real desires within themselves to do so?

If more people were brutally honest I think more would make the same choice I have: celibacy. When I sit down and think about it, I don't want a girlfriend or sex or any of it. I just want to be alone with my cat and I want to travel the world. When I sit down alone I think that I would rather hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail or see Japan than deal with relationship drama. And as for sex, honestly, masturbation is easier for me and I was never a big fan of sex with a person anyway.

And if you really want a relationship...fine. If that's what makes you happy, cool. But it is just depressing to see 99.9% of society just accept blindly that they NEED "love" when it isn't even their own voice telling them that.

And so much of society seems to be hellbent on saying EVERYONE needs a relationship and sex to be happy. Therapists, the media etc are all trying to sell us on this idea that every single human being needs "love" to be fulfilled and if you don't, there is something wrong with you. No, being inauthentic is the only thing "wrong" with someone, not realizing that there are better things to do than try to be compatible with someone else.

Ever think that maybe, just maybe, you would be better off on your own, but there is something outside yourself stopping you?
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:35 AM
SQL
 
Location: The State of Delusion - Colorado
1,337 posts, read 1,185,319 times
Reputation: 1492
I'm in a relationship because I enjoy spending time with my partner. We are best friends. I'm not going to be in any ol' relationship because that is what is expected of me, and neither should anyone else.

If you don't want to bound by a relationship, then do not be in one.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:35 AM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,975,236 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
If more people were brutally honest I think more would make the same choice I have: celibacy. When I sit down and think about it, I don't want a girlfriend or sex or any of it. I just want to be alone with my cat and I want to travel the world. When I sit down alone I think that I would rather hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail or see Japan than deal with relationship drama. And as for sex, honestly, masturbation is easier for me and I was never a big fan of sex with a person anyway.
You made your choice- good on you. Now work on your apparent need to know that others have made the same choice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
Ever think that maybe, just maybe, you would be better off on your own, but there is something outside yourself stopping you?
Nope.

But, you see, before I got into my current relationship, I made sure that I had the right mindset for me. I didn't need a man in my life, I wanted one.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:35 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,724,941 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
And as for sex, honestly, masturbation is easier for me and I was never a big fan of sex with a person anyway.
You're doing it wrong.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:36 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,317,871 times
Reputation: 29336
Ever think that maybe, just maybe, you have a skewed view of society and the people whom it encompasses? We're not all automatons or sheep and many if not most of us march to the beat our own drummers.

You identify yourself as a "punk." Seems to me that's following a herd.

You have your own wants and needs and that's fine. That doesn't make them superior or even desirable for the rest of us.

Carry-on!
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:37 AM
 
7,235 posts, read 7,003,130 times
Reputation: 12265
Thanks for letting us know you don't want a girlfriend. For the second time today.

I am laughing that you'd rather go to Japan than deal with "relationship drama". I'd rather go on a bike ride than eat bleach, but I have a partner so what do I do?!?
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:40 AM
 
Location: In the outlet by the lightswitch
2,306 posts, read 1,690,263 times
Reputation: 4260
I was on my own in college, in my early 20s, and was on my own for a few years this past decade. I've also been in bad, good, and my current great relationship. I can say without a doubt I am better off and happier in a great relationship, with someone to share my life with, than alone.

I had my share of bad relationship and stretches of not finding any love, at all. But who doesn't go through that except a rare few or those who never try? Not everything works out. But trying to find the right relationship is worth it. I certainly don't give a rat's rear-end what society thinks. I don't think society even cares about me... I'm not that important.

To me, the order is (from least to worst as far as what's better for me)

- In a miserable relationship
- Not in a relationship / not by choice (can't find someone)
- Not in a relationship / by choice (such as taking a break or time to myself)
- In a great relationship
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:44 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,334,503 times
Reputation: 9636
Why do you care what other people do? You're uninterested in sex and relationships. Is this your attempt to recruit others to share your dislike for companionship?

My decision to marry my now-husband was a deliberate choice, and considering he was indifferent toward marriage until we met, it was a decision he made based on what he desired for his life.

We enjoy each other's company, wax lyrical about comics, movies, music, and various passions and interests. I can't think of a better person to experience these things with. When I cheer in the theater when the Doctor Strange or Rogue One trailer appears, he gets me, and when we excitedly anticipate movies, discuss them for hours, stay up late ranking MCU movies, or talk about silly things like choosing five TV characters for our zombie apocalypse team, that's love. Spending 13 hours watching Netflix/Marvel's Daredevil, and talking about it for hours, or talking about our plans to collaborate on a comic. Talking about our plans for the future, however unconventional they are, getting into philosophical discussions, sharing interests, bantering back and forth... nah, that's where I feel most at home. He's my person, and I'm his.

Sure, I could do fun things on my own, and I have. But when I have a fantastic partner to share these moments and experiences with, it's absolutely worth it.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:44 AM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,951,888 times
Reputation: 46662
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk View Post
I have heard from countless people who tell me that they need x,y and z in relationships and that they have to "get laid" and have to have the "girl" or "boy" etc...and when I see them in a relationship, they always seem miserable.

And it gets even worse with marriage: so many people in loveless marriages who can't stand each other and seem to just be going through the motions in life. I can't help but think that these people simply followed society's expectations and not what their actual desires are telling them.

Honestly, step aside and sit somewhere quiet and alone and ask yourself: what do I WANT Not "what will my friends think" or "what is my family telling me" or even "what does my shrink say," but what do YOU want. The answer will most likely surprise a lot of people.

Let's say you were to cast aside all rules but these three: 1) don't hurt anyone or their property 2) don't do anything ridiculously illegal ( I say "ridiculously" because of things like jaywalking) and 3) do what YOU want to do, where would you be relationship wise?

Honestly: just like so much of why people "crash diet" when they aren't even fat is societal pressure, how much of people spending late nights on dating sites is "societal pressure" to "find someone" as opposed to a real desires within themselves to do so?

If more people were brutally honest I think more would make the same choice I have: celibacy. When I sit down and think about it, I don't want a girlfriend or sex or any of it. I just want to be alone with my cat and I want to travel the world. When I sit down alone I think that I would rather hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail or see Japan than deal with relationship drama. And as for sex, honestly, masturbation is easier for me and I was never a big fan of sex with a person anyway.

And if you really want a relationship...fine. If that's what makes you happy, cool. But it is just depressing to see 99.9% of society just accept blindly that they NEED "love" when it isn't even their own voice telling them that.

And so much of society seems to be hellbent on saying EVERYONE needs a relationship and sex to be happy. Therapists, the media etc are all trying to sell us on this idea that every single human being needs "love" to be fulfilled and if you don't, there is something wrong with you. No, being inauthentic is the only thing "wrong" with someone, not realizing that there are better things to do than try to be compatible with someone else.

Ever think that maybe, just maybe, you would be better off on your own, but there is something outside yourself stopping you?
Good grief. Just because you're a failure at relationships doesn't make the rest of us pathetic sheep following the herd.

And knock off the navel-gazing Philosophy 101 nonsense. It's obnoxious and, quite frankly, a pathetic fig leaf covering up your failure to find love in your life. Aesop must have had you in mind when he wrote his fable about the fox and the sour grapes. Because, once again, if relationships didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be on this forum. We see right through your charade.

Hey, if you want to follow your own path in life, that's fantastic. But don't stand around preening yourself as if you are intellectually superior to everyone else. Voltaire you're not.
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Old 05-31-2016, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,290 posts, read 34,418,461 times
Reputation: 73226
I don't owe some random guy on the internet an explanation....... or my friends and family.

And I did not need to get everyone's input first either.
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