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Going to make this quick because ive discussed this issue a while back but this summer marks one year. I was 24 and never had a date until this one girl came out of nowhere and even gave me my first kiss. We had a completely magical June as we had done everything I ever dreamed of for the first time. It was a life changing time and with a girl most guys only dream of. She ended up just walking away and never telling me why. (Side note I know i have the full story here somewhere in case anyone wants to know)...There were times i thought i was over her only 2 months after she stopped seeing me. Months went by and ive had many other dates. This spring ive even got a girl who wanted to be my actual girlfriend and even as of now we are still together. However I still cant get this first girl out of my mind. The memories are haunting and the places we've been and music we kissed to still haunt me. I cant shake it, just tonight i actually had serious nostalgia for this girl and those times. Should I not be over her? Ive found i haven't been able to love any girl since and cant even really love my girlfriend. What do i do?
Sounds like you were a late bloomer. Most people experience this at 14, you were 24. Your first love so to speak. You may be a bit behind in emotional development and need to get some counseling. Your letting your life pass you by and your not being fair to yourself nor to any lady who might be a good match for you.
Some people aren't meant to join us for long and if they only make a quick apparition and then vanish, it's easy to idealise them since we've never had the chance to really get to know them and see that they are just normal human beings who could have simply stopped inspiring us in any way if they had stayed a bit longer.
It really wasn't and isn't about how much she gave you or how special she was, because she didn't bother about any of these and by simply vanishing after one month she proved that she wasn't the right person for you, but about what how you felt being in love for the first time, how much you needed to have that experience and how much you projected on that short first dating period and you still do. The reality is that you had a crush on her, but in a little while you would have felt less intensely for her because noone feels forever what they feel on their first dates, but since you didn't have the chance to naturally go back to your normal self being with her, I think that you need to reason these facts, demystify her, find closure and move on.
Whenever you have a nostalgia moment like you had last night or when you miss feeling so intensely as you used to feel with her, become aware that it's an illusion. With or without her, those feelings she inspired you wouldn't have last long and would have calmed down in just a matter of weeks, so don't give them power on you by believing in them or entertaining them.
I really think that most of the time we don't miss a person in particular so much, as we need the profound emotional and mental connection and stimulation the relationship brought in our lives. You need to help yourself overcome this by trying to broaden your life experience a bit, bringing some changes in your life and focusing your energies on something else that could be a strong positive mental and emotional stimulation for you, and you could find this in something very different from a love a relationship.
Last edited by BlazingStars; 07-19-2015 at 07:21 AM..
Here is some quote someone told me something like
If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be, if not, well never yours in the first place...
(something like that)....
guess what--one of my first loves did come back. Here is another quote I made up..
"If you love something and let it go, and it comes back and you get married, stay out of the sauce, cause everything is gonna blow!"
So the point is, if you wait and she does come back around, don't drink and screw it all up like I did.
Well, OP, I think it's safe to say that you didn't mean as much to her as she did to you. You probably weren't her first, so everything that was magical to you may well not have been to her. So that's something to think about. You're idealizing her in your memory, because she was your first, everything was "the first" for you. She may have experienced things completely differently. Also, the fact that she just walked away could speak to something in her character, or to the fact that in some way, she felt it wasn't a good match. So, much of the dreaminess is probably just in your mind. She may have been a completely different person than you thought she was, because you were so enthralled with the "first-ness" of it all, the magic.
Chew on that awhile, and see if it helps.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-20-2015 at 11:53 AM..
Going to make this quick because ive discussed this issue a while back but this summer marks one year. I was 24 and never had a date until this one girl came out of nowhere and even gave me my first kiss. We had a completely magical June as we had done everything I ever dreamed of for the first time. It was a life changing time and with a girl most guys only dream of. She ended up just walking away and never telling me why. (Side note I know i have the full story here somewhere in case anyone wants to know)...There were times i thought i was over her only 2 months after she stopped seeing me. Months went by and ive had many other dates. This spring ive even got a girl who wanted to be my actual girlfriend and even as of now we are still together. However I still cant get this first girl out of my mind. The memories are haunting and the places we've been and music we kissed to still haunt me. I cant shake it, just tonight i actually had serious nostalgia for this girl and those times. Should I not be over her? Ive found i haven't been able to love any girl since and cant even really love my girlfriend. What do i do?
Dang!!
That's like falling asleep and missing the end of a movie.
She should have told you something like, "You kiss like it was your first time."
That's cute, but it she had more a significant impact in your life because she was your "first kiss".
To her, you were probably one of many, so it didn't mean as much.
If she wanted to see you or talk to you again, she would have initiated contact especially considering the fact that she's the one who disappeared on you leaving your high and dry.
Unfortunately, you probably have to move on and forget about her. I'm sure you will meet someone who will have just as strong of an impact.
Some people are meant to come into your life to make you grow in some way. They're not always supposed to stick around. That's a painfully harsh reality but it is for your highest good.
The fact that she disappeared on you shows her true colors. She doesn't have enough respect or courtesy to give you closure. She didn't care about your feelings or your perception of her. You are meant to be with someone who doesn't disappear on you at the drop of a hat without an explanation. You deserve better than a coward, trust me. I've been there.
Going to make this quick because ive discussed this issue a while back but this summer marks one year. I was 24 and never had a date until this one girl came out of nowhere and even gave me my first kiss. We had a completely magical June as we had done everything I ever dreamed of for the first time. It was a life changing time and with a girl most guys only dream of. She ended up just walking away and never telling me why. (Side note I know i have the full story here somewhere in case anyone wants to know)...There were times i thought i was over her only 2 months after she stopped seeing me. Months went by and ive had many other dates. This spring ive even got a girl who wanted to be my actual girlfriend and even as of now we are still together. However I still cant get this first girl out of my mind. The memories are haunting and the places we've been and music we kissed to still haunt me. I cant shake it, just tonight i actually had serious nostalgia for this girl and those times. Should I not be over her? Ive found i haven't been able to love any girl since and cant even really love my girlfriend. What do i do?
One year?? try 40 years. Maybe it was the way we broke up more than anything else but I can't stop thinking that she was the one. I just wish I could see her once more to tell her that I'm sorry for hurting her, and that I did love her and still do. I've tried to contact her, but she's married and actually a grandmother. I don't think she needs to here this from me, or maybe she does I don't know. I just want to know how she is and look into her eyes once more. Pathetic huh?
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