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I think it's simply a fundamental of personality (with, as with everything, a healthy dose of environmental influence/what you are taught by what you are surrounded by). Some people thrive on being committed to people and things, others find it limiting/constraining.
I was talking to a guy friend of mine about commitment and he said that being tied down in a relationship or being in a committed relationship of any kind feels claustrophobic to him. He is a male in his late 30's that has never been married/no kids.
I assume if he found the right one, it wouldn't feel like that? Is that a rosy way to think or is that reality? How many of you lost your commitment issues once you found the right one?
He claims to be really big on fidelity and commitment, but can't do it. He's not the player type. And just to be clear, it was just a conversation. I'm not trying to date this man. I'm just fascinated by human behavior in general.
A relationship that really lasts seems to be really rare in my experience. I know many divorced couples and people who broke up with long-time girlfriends. If you find the right person, great. But I agree with this guy friend of yours; staying out of the marriage and kids thing is awesome.
It works for some people, but there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to do this. I've met some idiotic people who get enraged when they hear opinions like this. They say things like "it's your natural duty to procreate" and other similar nonsense. **** 'em.
A relationship that really lasts seems to be really rare in my experience. I know many divorced couples and people who broke up with long-time girlfriends. If you find the right person, great. But I agree with this guy friend of yours; staying out of the marriage and kids thing is awesome.
It works for some people, but there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to do this. I've met some idiotic people who get enraged when they hear opinions like this. They say things like "it's your natural duty to procreate" and other similar nonsense. **** 'em.
**** em indeed
I get the " oh but at 31 you should be married with kids now...... Why not? "..... And ^^^^ is the usual response they get from me
It's no ones else's business in short, if YOURE happy that's all that matters
Commitment is a choice, and obviously it's a choice he isn't making, so he's never really experienced it.
If you have a healthy relationship, commitment can actually be really freeing. If you trust and love each other and are putting the other person's feelings first, then you an feel liberated. Instead of being bound by insecurity and doubt, true mutual commitment is the opposite of claustrophic.
The essence of commitment is based on acceptance and support. That opens up the world.
Good post. Commitment isn't for everyone, but if someone thinks of it exclusively as closing off options, they're doing it wrong. There are the obvious tradeoffs, but with the right person it's a very good "deal".
I've been a commitment phobe for a long, long time. Last year I finally met someone who didn't make me feel boxed in. We're engaged and in a really good place. I've been engaged before and it was a completely different experience.
I do think the right person makes all the difference.
I've been a commitment phobe for a long, long time. Last year I finally met someone who didn't make me feel boxed in. We're engaged and in a really good place. I've been engaged before and it was a completely different experience.
I do think the right person makes all the difference.
Committed ... Sounds like "institutionalized".... Just sayin.
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