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stop going after pretty boys. if you look in fashion mags for women that is all you will see. you seek them out and are angry when they turn out to be what they looked like in the 1st place. impossible dreamers.
That's kind of a stereotype, ya know.
Not bragging here, but I've been called a pretty boy sometimes because I like to dress to the 9's when I go out; and I'm not the least bit on the effeminite side!!!!!!
When your husband announces he`s gay?
Wouldn`t that be a fine how do you do? I would have to tell him off, because he let me go as far as to marry his ass, then I would tell him to GET!!
When your husband announces he`s gay?
Wouldn`t that be a fine how do you do? I would have to tell him off, because he let me go as far as to marry his ass, then I would tell him to GET!!
I got to agree with you there. I have known a couple gay guys who were married to women and they told me they were fighting against their true nature. WOW.
I have an ex brother in law who did this. I'm sorry, but he had to have known all along. To have lived a lie, to have lied to my sister like that is just deplorable. And the kids have been through hell (both were in high school when he left their mother for his boyfriend). He could have spared my sister and their two kids a lot of pain had he been honest from teh beginning and let her choose someone who actually wanted to be with her instead of someone who just wanted to use her to fake a normal life.
I have no use for the man. If he weren't my neice and nephew's father, I'd write him a nasty letter and never speak to him again. Fortuntely, I've only seen him a couple of times since the divorce and now that the kids are grown and married, probably never will have to again.
stop going after pretty boys. if you look in fashion mags for women that is all you will see. you seek them out and are angry when they turn out to be what they looked like in the 1st place. impossible dreamers.
It's funny you say that, b/c he isn't a pretty boy in the least. He's built kind of stocky and has a beard and keeps his hair short so he won't have to do anything to it. He's not the least bit handsome in the classical sense, though he was attractive to me. Believe me, my main criteria was not looks--it was what we had in common. But here's the funny thing--now that he's posted his pic on the gay sites, they write him back and tell him how handsome he is and it's going to his head. He's 50 now.
Yes, he says he has always known he had gay tendencies, but said he was attracted to women also, so he felt (in the beginning anyway), that he had a choice, and so he chose to be straight. Also, he swore up and down that he really has loved me all along and does still, and that he didn't marry me as a cover. I think I believe that, but can't help but have serious doubts that he could ever have loved me the way I thought or needed to be loved by a man, and after 23 years I can't lose the feeling that I've wasted a big part of my life. Roughly half.
Anyway, advice to young unmarried ladies here: it used to be considered good wisdom to marry your best friend, but every woman who's been thru this heartache has said the same thing--we were such good friends before we started dating. I think there needs to be sexual tension from the beginning--even if he doesn't act on it, you need to know it's there.
I'm not sure how it is from the other direction--man married to gay woman, but I found out that invariably in those cases, the woman leaves right away b/c she has a lover. The man leaves for a lifestyle, or likelier he stays for a while and goes out from home.
It's hard for anyone to say what they would do until actually confronted by this situation--the whole thing is a lot more complex than I ever would have thought, and it's not the end of the world after all. I'm actually looking forward to going out and I have a date this afternoon--I'm not going to sit and cry about this all the time--I'm going to move on.
Oh yeah, and my kids are in high school too, but is there a good age for this? I doubt it--I heard a story yesterday about a man coming out to his wife of 30 years and their grown children, and the kids had a particularly rough time--one daughter came very close to canceling her own wedding over it. Any younger, and they couldn't possibly understand and then he wouldn't have been around to help raise the children.
What a couple of fools this pair is. I feel sorry for their daughter. A mother and a father, married, but both free to have other relationships. Yeah. She won't have any emotional issues when she grows up.
Not only would I tell him off, he'd be having to duck all his sh*t flying after him on the way out the door.
Yes, he says he has always known he had gay tendencies, but said he was attracted to women also, so he felt (in the beginning anyway), that he had a choice, and so he chose to be straight. Also, he swore up and down that he really has loved me all along and does still, and that he didn't marry me as a cover. I think I believe that, but can't help but have serious doubts that he could ever have loved me the way I thought or needed to be loved by a man, and after 23 years I can't lose the feeling that I've wasted a big part of my life...
Stepka, first let me say I'm sorry your marriage has come apart.
You say that he has loved you and I suspect that is correct -- I believe it, too. You began as great friends and shared much together over many years. How could he not love you at some level?
The fact that you has a regular, long-term sexual relationship -- coupled with his assertion that he felt he had a "choice" when he was younger -- strongly suggest to me that he is bi. And it is understandable that he chose to marry a women -- being gay is tough now, it was infinitely harder decades ago. He may end up finding that he has a need for sexual experiences with women later on, though after decades with a women he may also now decide to completely "change teams" and be with men for the rest of his life.
Is there a good age? Probably during the very early years (i.e. < 5 or 6 years old). After that, divorce becomes tougher on kids. And I'm sure it is tough on your teens, but be thankful that today's younger generation is surprisingly open and accepting of gay/bi sexual orientations. In past generations your kids would have likely been cast as pariahs, social untouchables. Today your situation will certainly elicit curiosity from their peers, but I'll bet many of their friends will be quite supportive.
I got to agree with you there. I have known a couple gay guys who were married to women and they told me they were fighting against their true nature. WOW.
Newsflash: Even straight men in a marriage are fighting against their true nature. It's that monogamy concept.
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I would have to tell him off, because he let me go as far as to marry his ass, then I would tell him to GET!! 
