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I don't get why so many women fall for absolute losers, when there's a lot of good men in the world.
It just doesn't make sense; like kamikaze pilots wearing helmets.
Sadly, some people have low self-esteem. It gets to a point where those people become vulnerable to users who can really turn on the charm and play off of that insecurity. And soon, even after they drop the facade, the downer will still cling to them. Why? Either of these reasons
1. They think they deserve it.
2/ They don't think they'll get better
3. They hope the person is just having a rough time and will go back to the charming persona
4. They're so down on themselves, they anyone they are attracted to liking them is great, and they'll take what they can get, which functions as a double-edged sword of some artificial highs mixed with a good bit of drama and unhappiness.
People will very low self-esteem or who are just very naive will be the perfect meat for predators. Though some do get lucky and meet a decent person who won't use them, despite being able to do so. But many will be used a good few times.
And sometimes, it's obsessive love. An severe addiction to, or obsession with a particular person. You almost get high off of them. And addictions tend to destroy. Some people are like that. When they become attracted to someone, and next thing you know, it's an obsession. Some just have certain things that trigger an obsessive side in them. Can be people, cigarettes, food, video games. television, gambling, etc. With people, it leads to you getting used because you put up with anything just to hang on to the person -your drug.
It's difficult to actually "do". I graduated this semester, I've tried to workout, and to re-connect with old friends. I've tried to go out...
but nothing compares to him. don't know what else to do
You are young yet. In a few years this will be a distant memory and you'll laugh if you were to reread this thread. Just stay busy with your life and avoid this guy for now. That is the marching orders you should really try to hear right now.
Sadly, some people have low self-esteem. It gets to a point where those people become vulnerable to users who can really turn on the charm and play off of that insecurity. And soon, even after they drop the facade, the downer will still cling to them. Why? Either of these reasons
1. They think they deserve it.
2/ They don't think they'll get better
3. They hope the person is just having a rough time and will go back to the charming persona
4. They're so down on themselves, they anyone they are attracted to liking them is great, and they'll take what they can get, which functions as a double-edged sword of some artificial highs mixed with a good bit of drama and unhappiness.
People will very low self-esteem or who are just very naive will be the perfect meat for predators. Though some do get lucky and meet a decent person who won't use them, despite being able to do so. But many will be used a good few times.
And sometimes, it's obsessive love. An severe addiction to, or obsession with a particular person. You almost get high off of them. And addictions tend to destroy. Some people are like that. When they become attracted to someone, and next thing you know, it's an obsession. Some just have certain things that trigger an obsessive side in them. Can be people, cigarettes, food, video games. television, gambling, etc. With people, it leads to you getting used because you put up with anything just to hang on to the person -your drug.
In my case it's a mix of all that you mentioned. And addictions, as you know, are very hard to get rid of.
You seem fully aware of your "issues" and psychological pitfalls, yet still you ruminate. Are you in therapy?
I was in therapy. Being aware doesn't mean I'm capable of fixing those issues.
even though more than a year passed, I find myself hopeless to regain happiness. No workout is enough.
You are young yet. In a few years this will be a distant memory and you'll laugh if you were to reread this thread. Just stay busy with your life and avoid this guy for now. That is the marching orders you should really try to hear right now.
I'm in my forties, not that young, but thanks anyway.
And he's avoiding me, so no way I'd reconnect with him.
I was in therapy. Being aware doesn't mean I'm capable of fixing those issues.
even though more than a year passed, I find myself hopeless to regain happiness.
Did your therapist talk with you about obsessive thinking?
One thing I noticed is that you don't actually ASK any questions in your posts, but you type the same sorts of thoughts. It doesn't really seem like you have made any changes.
Many people post in this section and often repeat the same topics not because they seek genuine 'advice,' but simply because it's a venue for them to vent out their fears and frustrations and make people feel sorry for them.
Much good advice was given to her on her multiple previous threads on how to deal with her various issues, yet she continues to bemoan herself of the same issues, as if the advice never existed.
If the OP genuinely and sincerely wanted to deal with her problems, she could have done so by now.
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