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He does chores for her. Why shouldn't she do things for him?
Because it doesn't sound like she really is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
We all have different love languages. Just as you feel loved and cared for when someone goes out of their way to take care of chores for you, he is saying he feels loved and cared for when someone goes out of their way to cuddle.
OP, I've suggested this before. I seriously encourage you to read "The Five Love Languages."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
My BF spent a large part of his childhood in foster care. At the age of 17, he was reunited with his mother. He has a big issue with someone leaving his presence without saying so. It triggers his feelings of abandonment. I discovered this early in our relationship. Like even if he is in bed asleep, he wants to be woken and informed that I am leaving now. It seems silly to me, but I make a point of doing it anyway, because I love him.
I get that. LH died suddenly and I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. So now I hate leaving someone I care about without saying good-bye because I very well know it could be the last time I see them.
He said he feels insecure because I am not a cuddly person. He needs to be touched to feel loved. He did not get it as a child and craves it now. Whereas I did not get it and pretty good with not cuddling and touching.
He is looking for someone to satisfy his emotional needs and you are looking for someone to do some chores around the house. I cannot imagine a more incompatible pairing.
You fulfill none of his needs, yet he hangs on, in the hopes that you will eventually provide it somewhere down the road. I think it's quite clear that you have little or no emotional attachment to him, but as long as he's handy, you can somewhat tolerate his requests.
You are using him. Maybe using is the wrong word. Manipulating him.
As an emotionally detached narcissist, this may be a difficult thing for you to do, but if you did care about him at all, you would cut him loose. It would resolve your issue of feeling like he is too needy and his issue of trying to do more and more to draw out of you what he needs.
But, then again, there is the grass that needs to be mowed...
So, if I'm wrong, tell me what it is about him that makes you want to keep him around? I'm going to make it challenging for you and ask you not to include anything about chores he does for you. What PERSONAL aspect of your life is he fulfilling?
So, if I'm wrong, tell me what it is about him that makes you want to keep him around? I'm going to make it challenging for you and ask you not to include anything about chores he does for you. What PERSONAL aspect of your life is he fulfilling?
That is what I have found with past guys. My sons father would leave every few months, I would cry, beg him to come home, etc. Then one day, I woke up and said no more. If he wants to leave, there is the door. He didn't come back after that.
This one wants to leave, and gets mad when I won't chase him or beg him to come back. I told him I don't chase. You either want to be with me or you don't.
So perplexed why he needs this chase to gauge my feelings?
Immaturity. Dump him, who needs mind games. Wait for the right one, while focusing on raising your children.
My kids do come first, which is specifically why I say I want a partner to help me raise my kids. I have zero patience for games. I am thanking him constantly for everything he does but if that is not enough, I don't know what to tell him. I would think putting kids first is normal, and parents needs come second in most family situations.
He says all his exes cheated on him. So he is always asking me where I am, who I talked to and what I am doing, etc. He actually asked me about a text in my phone and admitted he looked through it. The text was me asking my coworker if f he wanted lunch, for a lunch meeting. So nothing scandolus. I told him if we have no trust, then we have no relationship. No idea how he even got the password.
With the exception of the trust, insecurity issues, he is exactly what I have always wanted in a man.
Definitely not the right guy. What you are describing are often red flags for a potentially abusive person.
I repeat, dump him.
This makes sense and I will make the effort to be more touchy-feely. But I also said I need space. I don't do well with being controlled and having someone tag along with me all the time. He explained that being at my house relieves his stress. He is comfortable there which is why he always wants to be there. I can appreciate that. I am just not use to having a boyfriend always around.
Aren't you the same lowonluck that complained you didn't get enough time with last boyfriend???? Now with this one you need space. I don't get it.
Clearly you didn't read what I wrote. He specifically is asking would I chase after him if he did leave. To him, chasing him would mean I care about him. Apparently his mother told him women will chase if they care.
Now my experience, tells me it does no good chasing someone that does not want me and has one foot out the door. He is looking for a game. Let me threaten to leave and see if you chase me down to convince me not to. I don't operate that way. I don't chase.
Yes I DID read what you wrote in the FIRST post. I did not read through all 163 followups. Sorry.
He is looking for someone to satisfy his emotional needs and you are looking for someone to do some chores around the house. I cannot imagine a more incompatible pairing.
Agree. Poor guy can't even get her to cuddle up with him.
You fulfill none of his needs, yet he hangs on, in the hopes that you will eventually provide it somewhere down the road. I think it's quite clear that you have little or no emotional attachment to him, but as long as he's handy, you can somewhat tolerate his requests.
Correct again. He is the guy she dreams of that tolerates the kids and will come over and do chores and spend the night, any time she decides she wants someone to spend the night. SHe complained about last BF not ever being there and now complains this kid is there too much.
You are using him. Maybe using is the wrong word. Manipulating him.
Correct.
As an emotionally detached narcissist, this may be a difficult thing for you to do, but if you did care about him at all, you would cut him loose. It would resolve your issue of feeling like he is too needy and his issue of trying to do more and more to draw out of you what he needs.
Correct again, but he is slowly figuring it out on his own and will leave soon enough on his own.
But, then again, there is the grass that needs to be mowed...
Sorry, gotta disagree here. Plenty of exes willing to do that.
So, if I'm wrong, tell me what it is about him that makes you want to keep him around? I'm going to make it challenging for you and ask you not to include anything about chores he does for you. What PERSONAL aspect of your life is he fulfilling?
Cute buff gym rat that seems to like her kids and serves her purpose.
Another personal observation after sifting thru all her posts is just the fact this kid thinks she is ON DRUGS,, and she claims she is not is a pretty clear sign that this woman is seriously screwed up.
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