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Why would a guy leave and want to be chased after so he can see someone's true feelings or emotions as he calls them?
Maybe I am crazy, but I always thought that if someone wants to be with someone they choose to just be there. If they don't, they didn't want to be there. Where did this need for a chase come? To many movies?
Any thoughts? Am I looking at it wrong?
You're not crazy. It's a game. If I leave, I don't expect nor want to be chased after.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though--according to OP, her 14 year old daughter has permission to start dating adult men, so there is a new pipeline of handyman opening up!
I do have a riding mower but sometimes it does not want to start either. But regardless, I never wanted to go through life as a single woman. Growing up I always had the goal of buying a house, getting married and having a family. I specifically never even went to college because I was not interested in having a career. All has worked out except the marriage part.
This is my last attempt. I must not be marriage material. I only ever dated to find a husband, so won't even need to date in the future.
I am going to look for a roommate to help with chores and expenses going forward.
I don't think I will ever need to worry about my daughter dating. She thinks all men suck because they always leave. Yes she has been in counseling since she was about 5 and on our 4th therapist.
Stopped into a restaurant last night and my exhusband was there with his girlfriend. I asked him to play a game of pool with my daughter and he responded he is to tired. He actually looked upset when she walked in the door and he has not picked her up since before Christmas. He wants nothing to do with her and she wants his attention. I can't make him be a parent and his lack of interest in a family is exactly why I left him a decade ago. I now understand she does not want just any dad, she wants her dad. Which is impossible to fix.
Stopped into a restaurant last night and my exhusband was there with his girlfriend. I asked him to play a game of pool with my daughter and he responded he is to tired. He actually looked upset when she walked in the door and he has not picked her up since before Christmas. He wants nothing to do with her and she wants his attention. I can't make him be a parent and his lack of interest in a family is exactly why I left him a decade ago. I now understand she does not want just any dad, she wants her dad. Which is impossible to fix.
So, your husband is out with his girlfriend and you interrupted their private time together to insert yourself? You essentially hijacked his date to force him to focus on you instead.
Remember when I mentioned narcissism? Or was this using the kids against him to try to make a point? Either way, that's pretty disgusting.
Your husband may be the loser you describe, but you are certainly trying hard to reach his level.
ETA:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
I don't think I will ever need to worry about my daughter dating. She thinks all men suck because they always leave.
Is this strictly because the dad left or because the things you tended to say about him placed him in a negative light?
So, your husband is out with his girlfriend and you interrupted their private time together to insert yourself? You essentially hijacked his date to force him to focus on you instead.
Remember when I mentioned narcissism? Or was this using the kids against him to try to make a point? Either way, that's pretty disgusting.
Your husband may be the loser you describe, but you are certainly trying hard to reach his level.
ETA:
Is this strictly because the dad left or because the things you tended to say about him placed him in a negative light?
Well having a slew of project men coming in and out of her life probably hasn't helped her daughter. So now she feels it's standard for men to just come in and walk out of a woman's life. So, she may be growing up thinking most men are no good because she's mainly been exposed to a bunch of no count men.
OP has men hanging around her kids really early on, before she even really knows if the guy is a keeper, or the relationship is going to be serious. Then when neither is the case, her kids get to see another dude walk out on them. She's only been with the current man 2-3 months. And he has been hanging around her kids and caring for them pretty early on. Now the relationship is already on the rocks. So if it falls through, that's a 3rd man in 1, to 1 and a half, year's time whom she's had around her kids taking a would-be father role only to be gone after a bit.
So, your husband is out with his girlfriend and you interrupted their private time together to insert yourself? You essentially hijacked his date to force him to focus on you instead.
Remember when I mentioned narcissism? Or was this using the kids against him to try to make a point? Either way, that's pretty disgusting.
Your husband may be the loser you describe, but you are certainly trying hard to reach his level.
ETA:
Is this strictly because the dad left or because the things you tended to say about him placed him in a negative light?
Exhusband. And I have a child that always wants to see him. When she was little I had to plan events for us to do all together to get him to spend time with her. Many years ago I stopped doing that, but I don't see the issue with allowing her to talk to him when we run into him in a public setting and ask him to take 5 minutes to spend with daughter.
They were not on a date. We all were at a local bar and he looked like he had been out on the boat all day.
My exhusband and I are on good terms. I have never had to bad mouth him. His actions prove who he is constantly. I often wonder what his girlfriend's think about him having a little girls room in his house but never see the child that owns the things.
Well having a slew of project men coming in and out of her life probably hasn't helped her daughter. So now she feels it's standard for men to just come in and walk out of a woman's life. So, she may be growing up thinking most men are no good because she's mainly been exposed to a bunch of no count men.
OP has men hanging around her kids really early on, before she even really knows if the guy is a keeper, or the relationship is going to be serious. Then when neither is the case, her kids get to see another dude walk out on them. She's only been with the current man 2-3 months. And he has been hanging around her kids and caring for them pretty early on. Now the relationship is already on the rocks. So if it falls through, that's a 3rd man in 1, to 1 and a half, year's time whom she's had around her kids taking a would-be father role only to be gone after a bit.
Prior to the last three, I was with my sons father 7 years and my ex husband 10 years. How do you know if they are a keeper if you don't spend time with them?
Exhusband. And I have a child that always wants to see him. When she was little I had to plan events for us to do all together to get him to spend time with her. Many years ago I stopped doing that, but I don't see the issue with allowing her to talk to him when we run into him in a public setting and ask him to take 5 minutes to spend with daughter.
Does he not have visitation rights? If he doesn't want to see her - and you are aware of this - exactly what was to be gained by making a scene? If you knew he didn't want to see her, then you had to also know what his reaction would be. Don't fool yourself into thinking this was about your daughter. You saw an opportunity to try to embarrass him and you took it.
Quote:
They were not on a date. We all were at a local bar and he looked like he had been out on the boat all day.
They were spending time exclusively with each other. Call it whatever you like.
And why are you and the kids hanging out at a bar?
Quote:
My exhusband and I are on good terms. I have never had to bad mouth him. His actions prove who he is constantly. I often wonder what his girlfriend's think about him having a little girls room in his house but never see the child that owns the things.
Passive aggressive. You say you are on good terms, but it does sound like you are openly critical. How can you be on good terms and make that statement?
Geez, life would be so much easier if people would just do what you want them to do! (I know my life would be!)
My kids only have me. My daughter has never met her bio father. Her former stepfather terminated rights.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
Stopped into a restaurant last night and my exhusband was there with his girlfriend. I asked him to play a game of pool with my daughter and he responded he is to tired. He actually looked upset when she walked in the door and he has not picked her up since before Christmas. He wants nothing to do with her and she wants his attention. I can't make him be a parent and his lack of interest in a family is exactly why I left him a decade ago. I now understand she does not want just any dad, she wants her dad. Which is impossible to fix.
You can't make him be a parent to your daughter because he's not one, biologically or legally.
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