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Been married to a wonderful woman for many years. We are inseparable. We're so close we call each other "shoe", as in we're just like a pair of old comfortable shoes.
But I have a small problem.
She loves holidays and birthdays and I have gotten into the habit of buying her gifts in the $100-175 range (which for us is spendy). Now, after so many years I am flat out of ideas. I have her so tech'd up with every computer device known to man (which she uses for her at home writing job). I have maxed out gifts for all her hobbies. Just before we married years ago she lost all her jewelry in a burglary and I have fully replaced it and more (she had no renters insurance to cover the loss). She has closets full of clothes... She hates gift cards (too impersonal). I have done the massage thing and we do weekends at the glorious central Oregon coast, expensive dinners... Just trust me, there is nothing left to buy this woman that we can afford.
So where do I go from here? I really believe I have created an expectation that I can no longer live up to.
Just want to see if anyone has some general thoughts.
Dinner out can be good without being extremely expensive, and you can do something different every time.
I have never understood the concept of big expensive gifts for spouses. It is joint money and joint expense. Where is the gift part? We gift our children - mostly money, funding Roth or grandkids college funds. They all have everything they need.
We did buy each other gifts when we were younger and had no kids. We had little money and it was a splurge and it meant something.
But now a new laptop or gadget for me or him would be ridiculous as gift - we prefer to buy our own. Even cars - we buy together but it might be on my name or his name. They were always bought when it was time to buy a new car, not for any gifting occasion.
Now we travel together, and I suppose we can call it vacation gifts to each other, but we don't. When we buy jewelry (bought. i no longer buy jewelry, hardly wear what I do have.) we both shop together because I want his opinion and support. I may wear it but we buy together. Appliances, large TV - for the house, not each other.
we celebrate anniversaries together, usually an outing, dinner out.
I've never really liked the gifts my husband gives me. Sometimes they seem more like gifts for himself, or just not my style. Either way, I couldn't care less about presents. I usually tell him I'd rather have dinner, or a weekend away somewhere.
I've never really liked the gifts my husband gives me. Sometimes they seem more like gifts for himself, or just not my style. Either way, I couldn't care less about presents. I usually tell him I'd rather have dinner, or a weekend away somewhere.
He speaks the language of gifts, you speak the language of quality time. Read Gary Chapmans book on the Five Love Languages. All will become clear!
Wait, did i just read this entire thread and find that not one person said: Tell your wife in a loving way what you just told us and see what she says. If she still wants to receive lovely gifts, fine, but she might need to step up the hints a bit.
Stop buying her stuff that someone else made, and make her something YOURSELF. It will have more meaning when its your own creation. If she asks why, tell her what you just wrote here.
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