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She's having a temper tantrum like a 5 year old. If she were a normal mature person, she would negotiate, be the bigger person, and say, okay, go ahead, have a great time, but when you come back we WILL plan a little vacation for ourselves. Deal? And you'd say Deal, and that would be that.
But instead she stamps her feet and says if you go she will take her toys and go home. Nice. If she is going to threaten to leave you over something as stupid as this, you need to put her feet to the fire and see if she really will. If so, good riddance. If not, she's all talk and trying to control you.
Yes, of course, but that's how some people communicate. They're not able to be direct, so they beat about the bush, and throw out decoys. Lots of people haven't learned good communication skills. I'm just saying we need to put the objection about staying with an older married woman in perspective, and look at the bigger picture to arrive at the real reason she's upset.
Anyway, the OP says she's broken up with him, so it's probably for the best. He didn't seem to be that into her, she didn't have good communication skills, they probably aren't a good match. It's over, so it's a moot point. The OP should chalk it up to dodging a bullet, and look for someone more compatible. Someone he can't wait to spend a vacation with.
No, my answer would be the same but I would also question why you married her in the first place if her ultimatums caused an issue in your relationship and you knew it before you married her, and I'd also ask you what you could put up with. If you can put up with ultimatums and having someone trying to control your life.. well, that's for you to decide. Not me.
In your original post you only asked if her behavior was 'wrong'.. and yeah, it was. There are more effective ways to communicate displeasure other than issuing ultimatums or threats.
Yes, of course, but that's how some people communicate. They're not able to be direct, so they beat about the bush, and throw out decoys. Lots of people haven't learned good communication skills. I'm just saying we need to put the objection about staying with an older married woman in perspective, and look at the bigger picture to arrive at the real reason she's upset.
Anyway, the OP says she's broken up with him, so it's probably for the best. He didn't seem to be that into her, she didn't have good communication skills, they probably aren't a good match. It's over, so it's a moot point. The OP should chalk it up to dodging a bullet, and look for someone more compatible. Someone he can't wait to spend a vacation with.
im really into her, and i care for her alot. We spend a lot of time togethor like a couple should. So me neglecting her isnt really the problem here. I give her a lot of attention.
its not that i dont care for her enough to give her own vacation, its that i cant. Id love to go with her
A little backround, me and her are muslim, and in islam its wrong to date. But no ones perfect and so yeah, wer dating. I cant take her on a vacation because my parents would flip out and she knows they would. Because the way they think about it.. a guy and a girl, alone, for a couple of days, sex ...lol id lose all my parents trust cause thats exactly what will happen. my parents are religious so they woudnt allow that. And what I dont understand is that she knows they view it like that too.
I feel like that shes only thinking about herself in the situation. Wer both 20. im going on into my third year of college.
Interesting. Kind of a major detail that really affects how I would respond to you. Is she Muslim as well? Maybe the cultural thing could have influenced her about you staying with the mom.
well of course if you had a trip arranged wouldn't you be annoyed if your SO gave you and ultimatum like that?, granted he didn't follow through with there planned trip which is bad enough but the issue is that he will be staying at his friends sisters house ( so it's clear the friend will be there as well) yet she's still insecure about it
And they were long distance for 2 years out of the 4 years together so that's 2 years actually together.
i dont think she wants me going at all actually whether i was in my friends sisters house or not. she just uses it to fuel the fire i feel.
Interesting. Kind of a major detail that really affects how I would respond to you. Is she Muslim as well? Maybe the cultural thing could have influenced her about you staying with the mom.
yes she is muslim as well, but we grew up differently. i grew up around religious parents, and she didnt. So its kind of understandable how she thinks i should be able to go with her and do what i want. but one of the major things of religion is respecting your parents and i do. But they expect me to not do that stuff so i wont do it unless i have a pretty damn good excuse to tell them. The thing that worrys them the most is sex, which im not innocent for either. And theyre not dumb they know what happens when a couple goes on vacation. And my gf knows all that, yet she still says i cant go with anyone else if i cant go with her. The funny part is before all this happened, i was gonna marry her soon so wed be able to do whatever we want. But now i really dont know because she has shown her true colors haha
yes she is muslim as well, but we grew up differently. i grew up around religious parents, and she didnt. So its kind of understandable how she thinks i should be able to go with her and do what i want. but one of the major things of religion is respecting your parents and i do. But they expect me to not do that stuff so i wont do it unless i have a pretty damn good excuse to tell them.
Would your parents object to this trip if they knew where you were staying?
im really into her, and i care for her alot. We spend a lot of time togethor like a couple should. So me neglecting her isnt really the problem here. I give her a lot of attention.
its not that i dont care for her enough to give her own vacation, its that i cant. Id love to go with her
A little backround, me and her are muslim, and in islam its wrong to date. But no ones perfect and so yeah, wer dating. I cant take her on a vacation because my parents would flip out and she knows they would. Because the way they think about it.. a guy and a girl, alone, for a couple of days, sex ...lol id lose all my parents trust cause thats exactly what will happen. my parents are religious so they woudnt allow that. And what I dont understand is that she knows they view it like that too.
I feel like that shes only thinking about herself in the situation. Wer both 20. im going on into my third year of college.
Okay, I have to say it. I'm sorry, I know it will sound pedantic but this obviously isn't just a typo because you keep using it every time. The contraction of "we are" is spelled "we're" - not "wer". "Wer" is not even a word. You should probably know that if you're going into your third year of college. If English is not your first language, I apologize. If you were just forgetting the apostrophe, I probably wouldn't think much of it - I know homophones are easily confused (I make typos mixing them up all the time), but again, "wer" isn't even a word to be confused with anything.
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