Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well do you think that she may have cheated? Even just a kiss while you were gone.
If she did anything like that she may just feel guilty about making you feel loved when she did what she did. She may have some guilt issues that she is hiding.
I was in a distance realtionship and found out she was cheating on me. I have to say it sounds close. I didnt want to read the signs, not as affectionate as before, was more distant. I dont know, I am in the Army so I hear ya when it comes to being away. No matter what you always have brothers you can fall back on, we are always here for our fellow soldiers.
It reminds me of my relationships with my wife since she had menopause, but then we are in our fifties and have lots of common interests beside sex (children, etc)...we kiss and hug though, I massage her feet (she loves it). At 25 it's another story...
When I was 25, I really wasn't into sex at all, but the reason I wasn't was because I was with guys who really didn't know what they were doing. I was too shy to speak up and say what I wanted and needed when it came to sex. It's hard, when a relationship has been going on over a period of years, to suddenly say, "You're not satisfying me in bed." I'm not saying that is the cause, but could it be? If it is a possibility, and she hasn't told you what she wants, it's not your fault. But you need to find out if that is what the problem is. I can tell you that if I wasn't being satisfied at least some of the time, I sure wouldn't want to do it either (and in my early 20s, I really avoided sex, but then again, I wasn't married.) I wrecked several relationships because I wasn't bold enough to say what I needed and the guys I was with weren't experienced enough to know that I needed something else that they weren't doing. As I aged, I got bolder and the guys I was with were more experienced.
Man---you are over in Iraq and come home to that?
Game over. There are a lot of fish in the sea. Move on with your life.
Bingo
First time I deployed when I got home my wife and I were having sex about 3 times a day for the first few months. I'm currently in Iraq, and once I get home I've been told that it's going to be even more...
Do yourself a favor and get counseling or move on. Life is too short to me miserable by choice. I would like to add, even if you move on, still get some counseling.
first of all, i am VERY disappointed in many of the responses. the worst one is Rance's with the "put up or get out"..how immature and adolescent and selfish.
second of all, many of yall have very little insight into military life, military culture.
to make this brief, these are my thoughts:
1) she married you for US citizenship/VISA whatever, and military benefits (BAH/BAS/TriCare/"big PX in the sky" and all the many many other benefits)
2) she likely has had an emotional and/or emotional/physical affair during your sandbox tour and is suffering internal guilt over it and hence keeping a physical and emotional distance from you
3) yall are too young-folks change. dang, i am a very different person here in my early 40s than i was in my 30's, and was very different in my 20's than my 30's. most folks in their 20s really have not even come close to "finding" themselves, and REALLY knowing what they want in life
4) if she was active in the FRG's..i am willing to bet that she heard all kind of talk about soldiers knockin' boots in the sandbox...can cause suspicion, resentment and she just aint able to honestly communicate her feelings, or is afraid to.
5) she could have some emotionally deep-seated issues that effect her sexuality (past history of abuse or dysfunctional romantic relationships or family relationships that have shaped her today), or some hang-ups related to spirituality/religious beliefs perhaps, or some sort of endogenous depression, chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance..there are so many potential reasons.
the military has TONS of support-remember, they have the new Family First programs, and an exhaustive amount of support given to troops and their dependents. contact militaryonesource or armyonesource for confidential referrals (even your command wont know), contact your post/base counseling office, contact your chaplain, encourage her to go to her PCP and get a physical with labs including thyroid/hormone levels etc and a gyn exam. (heck all of this is free). take advantage of those free marriage workshops that all the military posts/bases have-where they put yall up in a beach cottage somewhere, for the weekend, all expenses paid, and you just have to agree to attend the marriage seminars/workshops. yall have more than enough resources for all the support you could possibly need. if she aint interested in working with you, or checking herself out, then what you need to do is go see a counselor on your own, and work on your own feelings/coping skills, to help guide you in your life choices.
and i have ONE thing more to say to all those on here who focus so strongly on sex. let me tell ya something. there are MANY wounded warriors out there-many amputees, paraplegics, and quadraplegics...GO WALK INTO WALTER REED ARMY MEDICAL CENTER OR BROOKE ARMY MEDICAL CENTER or any major military post/base, and see for yourself. Do yall think that ALL of those soldiers who are married had wives who left them because they were no longer able to perform sexually? HECK NO. many of them love the soldier for who they are, not whether or not they can perform in bed. there by the grace of God go I....it could be YOU tomorrow who suffers extensive injuries from an IED or RPG blast. and i bet if YOU all of the sudden become the one who cant or wont perform, wouldnt want your wife to contemplate throwing you out like trash.
SHAME ON SO MANY OF YALL. i am so disappointed. lots of VERY SELFISH PEOPLE OUT THERE. it's a "me" generation aint it? heck, i aint too old. i am 43, but i am not selfish like that.
if i ever marry again (and i have been married to the military twice), if i ever find a man of honor, courage and commitment, and fall in love with him , i will love him unconditionally-legs or no legs, genitals or no genitals and will STAND BY MY MAN.
i am a long time Emergency Medicine professional, and have worked in the military for many years, so maybe i have a unique perspective to this all. but yall who aint in my profession STILL aint all blind-yall see the shows on CNN, FOX, MSNBC, and your local news channels about our wounded warriors!!!
I understand that your wife's sex drive took a major dip since menopause. I applaud you for being an understanding and loving husband. But what about YOUR sex drive?? I would think that being in your fifties is still kinda young to not have any sex at all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigeonhole
It reminds me of my relationships with my wife since she had menopause, but then we are in our fifties and have lots of common interests beside sex (children, etc)...we kiss and hug though, I massage her feet (she loves it). At 25 it's another story...
well i would really like to hear an update from the original poster...
also, i want to say that i am still DISGUSTED by Rance's response, along with many of yall. if anyone new to this thread is wanting to know why, scroll up two from here
Maybe its a case of she loves you but she's not IN love with you. Its a hard situation to be in but it happens fairly often. She could be distant because she is feeling guilty or because scared to get close to you because she could lose you. There are probably countless reasons for her behaviour but only your wife knows and it doesn't sound like she is willing to open up and share those reasons. Intimacy and sex are an integrel part of a marriage and I don't see how a marriage can survive with out it. Of course marriages have dry spells and you work through it but it doesn't seem like that is what's going on here. Everyone deserves to feel needed and loved, especially after what you have been through with your deployment. Maybe you should try a trial separation and see how that works. I may give you time and space but still be able to see each other and rebuild your relationship. I wish you and your wife the best of luck and hope that you can repair your marriage.
When I was 25, I really wasn't into sex at all, but the reason I wasn't was because I was with guys who really didn't know what they were doing. I was too shy to speak up and say what I wanted and needed when it came to sex. It's hard, when a relationship has been going on over a period of years, to suddenly say, "You're not satisfying me in bed." I'm not saying that is the cause, but could it be?
I was thinking the same thing. Maybe it's not enjoyable for her as it is for you. Not all men are great in bed. If she says she loves you but isn't in love with you that could be code for "You don't do it for me sexually." I'm not saying this as a fact - I don't know you or your wife. But maybe you might want to consider asking her if she ever liked sex...with previous boyfriends.
If that isn't the underlying issue...there's a lot of good advice to be found in this thread.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
