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My husband was 20 years older. He died in 2010 leaving me a widow at 55. The last 8 years of his life were pretty bad as he was sick much of that time. Instead of being a wife I became a caregiver. Thank goodness for Hospice. Funny thing is when we first fell in love I remember us discussing the age difference and I said "Even if we only have 20 years together, it will be worth it". Let me tell you it wasn't.
Unless the older partner is in excellent health and takes care of him/herself you might also find you are widowed much younger than you wanted. You will never grow old together, you may become a caretaker at a young age for an aging or sick spouse. You might be an active person who has to curtail a lot of what you want to do because of a much older spouse.
If I had it to do over again I would not have married a man 20 years older. Take it from someone who has lived it.
If I had it to do over again I would not have married a man 20 years older. Take it from someone who has lived it.
I've lived it as well, and have the opposite feeling about it.
I would not have traded the 8 years that I had with him for the world. Though I lost him quite suddenly, I don't regret the choice I made to get involved with him.
Ultimately these are his insecurities to work through. He doesn't feel like he's making the right choice, for whatever reasons, so he needs to get to the root of that. No relationship, regardless of age, can be successful when one person is insecure and needs external validation for their personal choices.
I'd say a good rule of thumb is that if you need to register a username on an internet forum to ask strangers if you should be in a relationship because you are afraid of what strangers might think of it, you should probably not be in that relationship.
Hi everyone. Here is my situation. I am a 40 year old man who has never been married and has no children (at least I hope I don't) and have been in many relationships over the years and I have never really wanted to settle down until now. I met this beautiful 24 year old woman at the gym 5 months ago and we hit it off really well and recently moved in together so it is getting serious. The problem in my mind is that I sometimes feel like I should not be with her due to the age difference. She has told me she does not care about that and stated that the fact I have no children makes it easier for her since I do not have that baggage. I have yet to meet her parents but I am really afraid how they will interact with me considering I am only 6 years younger (they are both 46). She tells me not to worry but it really messes with my mind. Do you guys think I should continue this relationship despite the age difference?
Been in this situation with a little more age difference than you. So, i think that makes me qualified to give you advice. I didn't let my girl move in with me because i did not think it would be fair to her, and would not be worth the risk of something more permanent. I figured eventually she would get tired of me and leave, and there i would be, a broken hearted old man.
Broke her heart and she hasn't spoken to me since and it's been four years. WORST decision i ever made. After the fact i decided i should have said yes and let her move in and enjoy it as long as it lasted. Who knows what would have come of things and now i will never know.
So i say GO FOR IT dude and enjoy as long as it lasts. In my case the parents were ok with it. They thought i brought stability to her life and they hated the young punk boyfriend she was involved with before me. It was wierd at first but became comfortable. We were together a year.
Be prepared for snide comments and "the look" when in public. Mine always had a quick comeback to them. You will be all your male buddies hero for dating a hot young woman, and ALL the women you encounter will be disgusted and will let you know about it. Just be prepared for that.
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