Did you marry your best friend? (Should you?) (dating, wives, boyfriends)
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A male friend of mine was telling me the other day that while riding in the car his wife showed him a meme of a photo she had liked and shared on Facebook. The caption said that "if you and I were friends and you didn't like my spouse then you and I can't be friends!" She said she totally agrees with that. He said that he didn't because people have friends and not every friend is going to like who you date or marry. Basically she feels that if some of his friends don't like her then he can't or shouldn't be friends with them. He said that he's sure he has friends that don't care for his wife but as long as they don't talk too badly about her then he seens no reason to defriend them. Not everyone is going to like everyone, but should I not be friends with you because you don't like someone else?
Next he said she brought up the fact that she feels that couples should marry their best friends. Again, he disagrees with it. He said that he has friends, male and female, that he's had for years and those are technically, his best friends. He's not sleeping with them, kissing them or even wanting to. He said that if he has an argument with his wife then he may want to go to his best friend to vent or just ask advice. Again, she got offended because of what he said. Basically, you're my wife not my friend.
They were sitting in the living room the other day watching TV and he said he got up to go plug one of the tires on his truck that had picked up a nail. When he came back in the house he was tired and sweaty so he took a shower. When he got out of the shower he proceeded to go to the bedroom and she got mad because he didn't tell her he was going to the bedroom. She expected him to tell her or at least invite her to come watch TV with him in the bedroom. He said that he didn't want to watch what she was watching at the time so he wanted to go watch another show in their bedroom. She said that since he was watching TV with her before she expected him to just sit back down and watch TV with her again.
Would you defriend a person simply because they didn't like your spouse and do you think couples should be best friends?
Your post is kind of nebulous but I will try to answer anyways. The guy who took a shower and then went to watch tv in another room without telling his wife anything sounds self-centered. I'd never want to be in a relationship with a guy exhibiting that sort of behavior. My guy and I are communicative and we prefer each other's company. I'd rather snuggle up with him to watch whatever is on than be off by myself watching something else. That's just strange to me.
I think that if any of my friends didn't like my man (this is pretty much impossible, but let's just say for argument's sake) then I wouldn't unfriend them but I would not invite them into situations where my guy would be present. As far as best friends - I feel blessed to have found that my man is my best friend. It makes the partnership that much stronger.
Just last night a friend of mine called to see how I was doing. She asked about my boyfriend and I mentioned that he and I spoke the night before but that we only spoke for about 30 minutes. She was gobsmacked and asked how long do we usually speak? I told her anywhere from an hour to two hours most nights. She has had boyfriends in the past but is currently single. She could not believe that we had 'so much' to talk about.
It's all about balance, I think. Mediation if the need arises. Communication is vital in any interpersonal relationship.
Your post is kind of nebulous but I will try to answer anyways. The guy who took a shower and then went to watch tv in another room without telling his wife anything sounds self-centered. I'd never want to be in a relationship with a guy exhibiting that sort of behavior. My guy and I are communicative and we prefer each other's company. I'd rather snuggle up with him to watch whatever is on than be off by myself watching something else. That's just strange to me.
I think that if any of my friends didn't like my man (this is pretty much impossible, but let's just say for argument's sake) then I wouldn't unfriend them but I would not invite them into situations where my guy would be present. As far as best friends - I feel blessed to have found that my man is my best friend. It makes the partnership that much stronger.
Just last night a friend of mine called to see how I was doing. She asked about my boyfriend and I mentioned that he and I spoke the night before but that we only spoke for about 30 minutes. She was gobsmacked and asked how long do we usually speak? I told her anywhere from an hour to two hours most nights. She has had boyfriends in the past but is currently single. She could not believe that we had 'so much' to talk about.
It's all about balance, I think. Mediation if the need arises. Communication is vital in any interpersonal relationship.
So if you were watching a sappy show he had no interest in watching you would still expect him to sit down with you and watch it? If you walked in the house and he was watching some sort of fishing show or auto mechanics program you'd plop down right next to him and watch it? I gather you're just dating and not married. See, those things change once you get married. Yes, I've been married before and did just like you when we were dating. I'd watch every "housewives" show she was into just to be close to her. After we got married I could care less to watch that drama. That didn't mean I was self-centered, it just meant I didn't want to watch what she was watching and wanted to see something else. There's a TV in the bedroom just for that case. No, I do not feel you should defriend anyone simply because they don't like your partner. That just means that I'm not going to force them to be friendly with you nor am I going to lock you two into a room and tell you not to come out until you iron out your problem. There are people I know who have never done anything to me but there's just something about them I don't like so I choose not to deal with them.
So if you were watching a sappy show he had no interest in watching you would still expect him to sit down with you and watch it? If you walked in the house and he was watching some sort of fishing show or auto mechanics program you'd plop down right next to him and watch it? I gather you're just dating and not married. See, those things change once you get married. Yes, I've been married before and did just like you when we were dating. I'd watch every "housewives" show she was into just to be close to her. After we got married I could care less to watch that drama.
I think you need to read the article I linked to also.
Those things don't have to and aren't really supposed to end when you get married. If they do, you're pulling a bait and switch on your spouse.
I think you need to read the article I linked to also.
Those things don't have to and aren't really supposed to end when you get married. If they do, you're pulling a bait and switch on your spouse.
I was commenting on the point that she said it was very self-centered of the spouse to go into another room to watch TV after coming back inside given that they were sitting there together watching a show together before he went outside to work on the car.
My parents will sit in different rooms and watch the same TV show and talk back and forth through the door. That's just what they do. It's funny to watch them watching the news because the TV in his room is HD and the TV in the bedroom isn't. The signals come in at a slight delay. My dad will watch the news and yell to my mom, "did you just see that story?" 5 seconds later the story comes on her TV in the bedroom. No, I don't think it's strange for a couple to watch TV in different rooms from time to time. No, I don't think my friend did anything wrong by showering and staying in the bedroom. She took that as a sign "he just doesn't want to be with me."
No, when I was married my wife was not my best friend and I told her that. She's my wife and I loved her in one way other than I did my best friend. And no, that was not the reason we got divorced.
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