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Just a question but are you saying that only he has to conform to her? Does she not need to give a little here too? Maybe she can cut back on the amount of communication she requires if she expects him to increase the amount of communication he gives.
The definition of "compromise" means that each side makes concessions.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Pwebster
No, I'm not trying to start a fight with anyone. I'm just relaying a message. It's not like they live in something like the White House or a mansion where each one is in a different wing. She was in the living room and he was around the corner in the bedroom after being outside for an hour. If there were sitting there watching TV and he just got up and went into the bedroom that would have been one thing. This guy went to go fix his tire that she knew had a nail in. He was outside for about an hour plugging it, taking the spare off, then putting the regular tire back on. He comes in hot and sweaty so she had been alone for an hour just watching TV all by herself. Was she wrong to assume he'd just sit back down with her?
Nah, no one knows every single step of another's interaction. This is your experience, or a tale. It's not relaying anything.
So if you were watching a sappy show he had no interest in watching you would still expect him to sit down with you and watch it?
He'd likely watch it with me, or stay in the same vicinity and half watch it while doing something else. He does this when I watch The Vampire Diaries, UnReal and Grey's Anatomy. He's not into them like I am, but has watched these shows with me. It's a running joke between us.
Me: "Our show comes on tonight."
Him: "You mean your show?"
Me: *laugh*
Even though they're my shows, he does get into them at times, and even asked how Grey's season finale ended since he left for work before it ended. We've even had discussions about the shows. Those are the only shows that aren't "our" shows.
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If you walked in the house and he was watching some sort of fishing show or auto mechanics program you'd plop down right next to him and watch it?
He wouldn't watch these programs because neither interest him. There's actually very few programs we aren't mutually interested in.
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I gather you're just dating and not married. See, those things change once you get married.
Not if the parties involved have many shared interests and tastes. Our taste in movies and TV shows is nearly identical.
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Yes, I've been married before and did just like you when we were dating. I'd watch every "housewives" show she was into just to be close to her. After we got married I could care less to watch that drama.
There are shows I watch when there's nothing else on, and he'll hangout with me and watch them, or half watch them while reading something on his tablet or drawing. I actually can't think of a time where he left to watch something else or whatever. We enjoy sharing each other's company even if we're engaged in separate things.
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That didn't mean I was self-centered, it just meant I didn't want to watch what she was watching and wanted to see something else. There's a TV in the bedroom just for that case. No, I do not feel you should defriend anyone simply because they don't like your partner. That just means that I'm not going to force them to be friendly with you nor am I going to lock you two into a room and tell you not to come out until you iron out your problem. There are people I know who have never done anything to me but there's just something about them I don't like so I choose not to deal with them.
I've never been in this situation, so it's difficult to provide an answer. I've never had a friend or relative not like my spouse.
Would you defriend a person simply because they didn't like your spouse
For me, this is purely hypothetical because I really don't have any close friends outside of the other couples we hang out with. But for argument's sake... my husband is the kind of guy who it's very difficult not to like; we've been together a long time, and so far the only people who haven't liked him were really shady types. So, probably not someone I would have formed a friendship with anyway.
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Originally Posted by Pwebster
and do you think couples should be best friends?
Yes, and I feel sad for anyone who has settled for less in their relationship.
For me, this is purely hypothetical because I really don't have any close friends outside of the other couples we hang out with. But for argument's sake... my husband is the kind of guy who it's very difficult not to like; we've been together a long time, and so far the only people who haven't liked him were really shady types. So, probably not someone I would have formed a friendship with anyway.
Yes, and I feel sad for anyone who has settled for less in their relationship.
Sanctimony on point. Good job.
I'll make sure and pump your butt full of rep points. Suck on a self serving sanctimony balloon at your next star party
First off, your spouse should be your best friend. You should want to be with them and be in the same room together.
Yeah, we have friends possibly long time friends even before your spouse. Your level of friendship doesn't decrease or get squished out. That relationship is just below your spouse now. We don't use old friends to vent about our spouse like your friend does.
Your friend sounds argumentative. His wife's should feel comfortable enough to express her opinions without an argumentative statement every time.
However, this complaint that he didn't inform her of his whereabouts or plans should not be made into a problem.
Maybe some people don't like their spouse as much. It's not going to end well when they just don't have the same feelings for each other.
Imo
To answer your question OP... No. No I did not and it sucks!
First off, your spouse should be your best friend. You should want to be with them and be in the same room together.
Yeah, we have friends possibly long time friends even before your spouse. Your level of friendship doesn't decrease or get squished out. That relationship is just below your spouse now. We don't use old friends to vent about our spouse like your friend does.
Your friend sounds argumentative. His wife's should feel comfortable enough to express her opinions without an argumentative statement every time.
However, this complaint that he didn't inform her of his whereabouts or plans should not be made into a problem.
Maybe some people don't like their spouse as much. It's not going to end well when they just don't have the same feelings for each other.
Imo
To answer your question OP... No. No I did not and it sucks!
It wasn't that he didn't inform her of his whereabouts but that when he came back into the house after being outside for an hour or so he took a shower and just decided to hang in the bedroom. She got upset that he didn't sit back down in the living room with her. Again, they don't have a mansion where each person goes to a different wing, he was just in the next room. She felt he should have asked her to come into the bedroom with him or he should have just sat down again with her.
Again, I do not think that your spouse should be your best friend. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but some seem to think that when your opinion differs from theirs then you are completely wrong. Marriage should only be one way . . . . the way they say.
It wasn't that he didn't inform her of his whereabouts but that when he came back into the house after being outside for an hour or so he took a shower and just decided to hang in the bedroom. She got upset that he didn't sit back down in the living room with her. Again, they don't have a mansion where each person goes to a different wing, he was just in the next room. She felt he should have asked her to come into the bedroom with him or he should have just sat down again with her.
Again, I do not think that your spouse should be your best friend. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but some seem to think that when your opinion differs from theirs then you are completely wrong. Marriage should only be one way . . . . the way they say.
You're right, everyone is entitled to their own idea of what kind of marriage they want; the trouble is, it sounds like your friend and wife have opposing ideas and expectations, and that doesn't bode well for a happy, long-term marriage.
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