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Not necessarily a new conversation. It's easy when you are at best lukewarm about the product or not friends with the person. My boyfriend and I have had conversations about Woody Allen. I have heard the allegations against him, but I don't want to go full on hate-machine because frankly...we're talking about other people's lives, and one element of the "trail by court of popular opinion" that annoys me is this egotistical element like my opinion really matters? I don't think that it does. As for supporting his work, well it's easy because I'm just not really a fan. My boyfriend likes his movies because there is this element of a nerdy, not-special Joe Shmoe getting the girl or finding his way or something... Personally, while I enjoy the writing of his films, I just cannot stand him as an actor. I find his voice and face and everything about him intensely annoying. "Not supporting him" doesn't have to be a statement for me. I'm just not a fan.
It feels pure...and easy...almost a relief, you know...
But recently an actual friend has been accused of rape. It's not the first time, either. I withheld judgment and set aside the need to think too hard about it before, because I'd never met her alleged victims or read their statements or heard anything about it from anyone but her. She claimed that people who didn't like her for petty reasons were running a destructive smear campaign, she painted herself as the victim of the irrational, and she claims multiple material detriments and ill health effects, but says she cannot afford to sue or anything, and has no choice but to take the damage. I often wondered if she had some kind of victim mentality where she seemed to feed this drama, because I sure never heard any "smear campaign." Only her complaining about one. Yet I often found her very funny and enjoyed her company, we've got significant friends in common...I did not want to dislike her.
Well. Recently another person has come forward, and he wrote a long, detailed account of events and it's traumatic and hard to read and my gut says..."Oh my god...this...this feels like truth." And what's wild is that I'm only barely acquainted with him, and I wouldn't have seen his writing, only SHE shared a link to it and said, "Do not engage, he is crazy." Uhh... Now between the previous situation, and this, it really looks like she's trying to preemptively take control of the narrative, and discredit the victim before his account gets traction on its own. I'm having to really revise my opinion of this woman. And I'm finding I cannot in clear conscience, support her business, or recommend it to people like I used to...and I think I need to at least put up a wall and move away from her. Despite her frequent cries online that these "stalkers" and people persecuting her are turning everyone against her and so on.
It is so much harder when it's someone you know...even like...and the feeling that you should be a loyal friend is in conflict with your own ethics, and you don't feel 100% sure about who to believe (you will never have real evidence, only words.) You can only follow your gut sometimes, I guess.
It is so much harder when it's someone you know...even like...and the feeling that you should be a loyal friend is in conflict with your own ethics, and you don't feel 100% sure about who to believe (you will never have real evidence, only words.) You can only follow your gut sometimes, I guess.
Someone I know casually was arrested at work for a sexual assault charge (not at work.) My first thought was not "impossible, not him!" because the guy had always given me a weird vibe. He's serving time right now, and some of our mutual friends are going on and on about how the woman is a lying so-and-so and that his life is ruined forever. I don't know what the truth is, but I sincerely hope that everyone can make peace and move forward.
And regarding following one's gut, I really have no quarrel with someone who can separate the artist from the art. I'm honest when I say part of me wishes I could. But I'm also honest in saying part of me is looking at that wishful part with a hard WTF look. But the irritation, the conflict, is internal. In a major understatement, everyone gets to sort through this stuff without my help.
And regarding following one's gut, I really have no quarrel with someone who can separate the artist from the art. I'm honest when I say part of me wishes I could. But I'm also honest in saying part of me is looking at that wishful part with a hard WTF look. But the irritation, the conflict, is internal. In a major understatement, everyone gets to sort through this stuff without my help.
LOL maybe we can just wait until they're dead, those of us who feel plagued by such moral quandaries. Then at least we aren't enriching the tainted person themselves, just their heirs or whoever owns the rights to their work, huh? I mean, celebrities snuff it all the time...
(Maybe I'm a horrible human being after all. Or maybe it's just close enough to Halloween to put me in a mildly morbid frame of mind?)
And regarding following one's gut, I really have no quarrel with someone who can separate the artist from the art. I'm honest when I say part of me wishes I could. But I'm also honest in saying part of me is looking at that wishful part with a hard WTF look. But the irritation, the conflict, is internal. In a major understatement, everyone gets to sort through this stuff without my help.
For a while I used to listen to guys like Eddie Trunk. He's a podcaster who's been in and around the music biz for 35 plus years I think it is. He's famous for interviewing musicians. I used to watch and or listen to his interviews when he had on bands or artists that I liked. I found though that I'd find out that someone I like is basically an azzhat. Not an evil person or whatever but mostly just a plain ol arrogant jerk. You can get a pretty good feel for someone when you listen to them talk for a couple of hours, I mean not completely, but you can get a feel for them and how they view the world.
Tom Petty, Paul Stanley, Billy Squire. These guys all came off like major major a holes in the interviews that I listened to. Just obnoxious and arrogant as hell. Do I still listen to their music, yeah, but it's always in the back of my mind when I hear them. So they are "tainted" in a way, but it's really more that I'm just disappointed.
Same thing with actors and comedians. Mrs. Chow and I watched an interview of Jerry Lewis in his later years, maybe the last interview he did, but jeezuz, he was an obnoxious jerk. I mean just being cantankerous and mean spirited. Made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be interviewed. It's stuff like that that gets to me.
"Never meet your heroes" is a saying I once heard. It's a saying for a reason.
ETA: I too believe that people's struggles can lead to fantastic art. It's when someone inflicts his (or her) demons on someone else that I feel put off. Drinking, drug abuse, even consensual cheating I can understand and say with a clear conscious that **** happens. But abusing power or position to get your rocks off puts a person in another box for me.
I'll address this part. Who makes a person sit and watch, or partake? I'd have more sympathy and judgment if the person wasn't receiving something in return.
It's the theme of prostitution. An act in exchange. Maybe those women on the casting couch weren't qualified for the roles they received, so that's how they paid for the opportunity. Maybe people gain by being in a position to either walk away or continue in order to gain. I'm not a victim blaimer in the true sense of the word 'rape' 'assault' or 'molestation' I'm all about the clean hands theory. If one gains from the action, they are in an arrangement for opportunity.
For a while I used to listen to guys like Eddie Trunk. He's a podcaster who's been in and around the music biz for 35 plus years I think it is. He's famous for interviewing musicians. I used to watch and or listen to his interviews when he had on bands or artists that I liked. I found though that I'd find out that someone I like is basically an azzhat. Not an evil person or whatever but mostly just a plain ol arrogant jerk. You can get a pretty good feel for someone when you listen to them talk for a couple of hours, I mean not completely, but you can get a feel for them and how they view the world.
Tom Petty, Paul Stanley, Billy Squire. These guys all came off like major major a holes in the interviews that I listened to. Just obnoxious and arrogant as hell. Do I still listen to their music, yeah, but it's always in the back of my mind when I hear them. So they are "tainted" in a way, but it's really more that I'm just disappointed.
Same thing with actors and comedians. Mrs. Chow and I watched an interview of Jerry Lewis in his later years, maybe the last interview he did, but jeezuz, he was an obnoxious jerk. I mean just being cantankerous and mean spirited. Made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be interviewed. It's stuff like that that gets to me.
"Never meet your heroes" is a saying I once heard. It's a saying for a reason.
What's great is that the opposite can be true. I have met many musicians, in particular, that I really really like. They are cool, fun, personable, and make time for people. That will amplify my support of them 100-fold. It was like that with GWAR. The singer who died in 2014, Dave...he didn't act like a "rock star" he treated everyone else like one. Or more aptly, somewhere between that, and family. I know that there are probably thousands of fans who would not have been loyal to the group for years and years, if it were not for Dave and the way he treated us personally. I've seen them live 36 times for pretty much this reason. Otherwise they'd have been just a phase and I could have stopped probably around 6 or so.
And there was this dude who came to a small convention in Denver, StarFest, named Hale Appleman. And he was just the most adorable, sweet, friendly young dude. Just really good energy. So I decided to watch the show he was on, which I'd never heard of, just because this nice kid was in it, y'know? And it turned out to be a favorite show for quite a while. ("The Magicians" on SyFy channel.)
Have to laugh at this time of night when the Big Street Sweeper drives by, way down below in the street under my window. The 2 cats army crawl to the window and peek over the window sill in horror. Every night! It’s terrifying for a few seconds every time apparently. A big surprise, here it is again! What if THIS time, it drives straight up the building and tries to fit through the window for chrissakes kittycats?!
Have to laugh at this time of night when the Big Street Sweeper drives by, way down below in the street under my window. The 2 cats army crawl to the window and peek over the window sill in horror. Every night! It’s terrifying for a few seconds every time apparently. A big surprise, here it is again! What if THIS time, it drives straight up the building and tries to fit through the window for chrissakes kittycats?!
The same when we had our cat. Also, the flashing lights come into play. He'd sleep on our bed. You could see his eyes getting wider, and Wider, and WIDER, as it got louder, and Louder, and LOUDER! Now our bunny does the same thing. Just as the loudness reaches its peak when it's directly below us, and they're poised and about to lose it... it passes by. The first time our cat heard it, he streaked across and off the bed like a shot. Actually, I don't blame them. It sounds like Armageddon. Sounds like it's coming for you.
We don't have anything quite as loud as that, no street cleaner servicing our areas where I've lived with my cat. There have been other fairly loud outside noises that he seems to easily ignore. Thunder, for instance, even when it's VERY loud, does not seem to perturb him in the slightest.
But he is very concerned about the squirrels.
He watches them the way a retired person watches a group of teenagers hanging about the neighborhood near his house.
And also the humans in his household need to be supervised and escorted around. So if he's lying on my bed and he hears one of my sons, or my boyfriend, come out of their rooms into the main part of the house, he'll run to go see what they are doing and if he can help in some way. Perhaps by laying directly across their path in the hall, or offering to inspect their food for them.
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