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Feel like l've just wasted 5yrs yrs l really didn't wanna waste at this age, shorter side of 50s.
l don't know how do you look at it. The positives, the fun, the intimate times and ways that were so special, be grateful and now life moves on, or what.
Or l could go the other way and curse myself a few more yrs now for ignoring all the signs very early in . although, there were also extreme and very special positives to and they are why l persisted but the odds weren't great even with those and here we are anyway. There's 5 or 6 pages of the crap somewhere here from a yr or two back nope l don't wanna go digging it up but from that alone most would've ran for sure 2 yrs ago. Did my head in just trying to explain alone the dramas.
l couldn't afford 5 yrs , holy hell l'd not long come out of a 22yrs marriage.
lf you've been there how have you looked at it , is there a way ?
Feel like l've just wasted 5yrs yrs l really didn't wanna waste at this age, shorter side of 50s.
l don't know how do you look at it. The positives, the fun, the intimate times and ways that were so special, be grateful and now life moves on, or what.
Or l could go the other way and curse myself for ignoring all the signs very early in . although, there were extreme and very special positives to and they are why l persisted but , here we are anyway. There's 5 or 6 pages of the crap somewhere here from a yr or two back nope l don't wanna go digging it up but from that alone most would've ran for sure 2 yrs ago.
l couldn't afford 5 yrs , holy hell l'd not long come out of a 22yrs marriage.
lf you've been there how have you looked at it ?
Thinking of things in that manner has no benefit whatsoever. Everything in life is a learning tool, whether it's positive or negative. If you met someone and had a relationship that soured, you'll be better off in the next relationship as you now know what red flags to look out for and your standards might evolve a bit.
I have been there, several times, except that I never, never think of it as time wasted. I think of it as an opportunity to learn about myself, how I have treated or related to others, and how I need to change for the better. And for me that works.
I am not bad, have never treated anyone very badly, but I am not perfect and have learned and grown along the way.
The result is that the more I grow the more likely I am to attract a kindred spirit ( which is important to me ) and the less likely I am to compromise to be with someone who is not a good match.
Random, maybe if you hadn't gone back to her to try again you'd always feel like you gave up too soon, didn't try hard enough. Now you know you did as much as you could to try to make it work. It wasn't a waste of time, it was something you wanted to do at the time and therefore worth trying.
It didn't work out, that's the often the nature of relationships, most don't go the long haul.
When I was in my mid 40s - your age - the adventures of a lifetime awaited me that far surpassed anything in the first half.
You're not old, the second half of your life is yet to come, make it count and don't regret five years of your life.
You can't change the past, so don't dwell on it. Think about what you want to do going forth. Maybe you will find a new relationship, maybe not. Better to be alone and happy, than miserable with someone. If you do meet someone new, pay attention to what they say and do. Pay attention to what kind of friends and relatives they have. You don't ever need to cohabitate, either. Make sure anyone you get involved with is self sufficient. Any pressure to live together - step back. I'm not saying never live together, but waiting two or three years, even if it seems ideal, can't hurt.
Relationships take a long time. That was the first thing I learned from my first failed relationship. I concluded that I needed to learn from then on vicariously. One does not want to take a 10 years to learn how 10 year relationships work.
Its a good idea not to think you are special. The fortune 500 does not think you are special. That is why they sell to demographics. Failed relationships follow general patterns. Try to learn them and learn from them.
I have a big issue with wasting time. I once worked several jobs for a corporation for ten years, and as I look back on that time, I often think of it as wasted. I did learn stuff, naturally - but I feel I could have done without learning particular jobs. It just seems like a lot of time to waste not doing anything that I would personally consider meaningful.
There were lots of pluses - made friends, traveled, etc., but none of it would be my preference for a ten year span of my life.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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It’s only wasted time if you make similar mistakes in the future. Yes, it sucks to lose the most valuable non renewable commodity there is in something that didn’t end well. But the lessons that should come out of it should leave you wiser and more aware.
What does it mean, the word, "failed," about a relationship, huh?
That it ended before somebody died?
That you had expectations that weren't met?
That you had goals that were not reached?
I don't really consider a relationship a failure because it ends. Sometimes ending a relationship is the best thing possible. Sometimes I am really happy about someone and wish it did not end, but they want to end it...and really, do I want someone feeling stuck and unhappy with me, especially if I really care about them? No. I may have some feelings about it, but those will pass.
I do sometimes feel like my first marriage was a waste, because I did not see what my real potential and personal value could be, and I did not believe myself to be worth more than the man I had let into my life...but I truly was. I knew within the first 2 years that my relationship with him was a horrific mistake, but I was pregnant and did not think I could make it on my own. And I thought that I could "manage him." Reach the goal of getting the kids raised, keep his worst possible behaviors under control. Be calm and rational and sane enough for both of us. It doesn't work that way. If I'd had any way to know how it would have ended, I might have taken the chance on leaving a lot sooner and I often wish I had.
And yet I grew up a lot in that relationship, and since I do like the person I am today, I can't really hate too much on the process that got me here. I do love my kids, I just wish they were not struggling so hard to become adults. It's complicated, but life is complicated. Whaddya gonna do?
But having a relationship with someone where you really do love them and want to keep them, but it ends, and calling that a waste because it does not last until death part you? Nah. That's not a failure. Sure, you can have a lot of emotional turbulence to work through about it, but getting bruises on your heart is part of living a life. I'm reminded of what a friend said at the memorial service for a mutual friend who had passed on unexpectedly, in a rather devastating way... He said, "I am hearing a lot of condolences for my loss, for our loss. But you know, really, we here are the lucky ones. Because in order to have lost him, we had to have had him. We got to know this amazing person. We are the ones who had him." I do think that it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. I would not trade an absence of the pain of loss, for the memories of joy with the good ones who have been part of my life even for a season.
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