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My thread title is a book about personality issues in romantic relationships. Anyone dealt with this?
I just went "no contact" with a late 20s girl who has had me walking on eggshells for months. The relationship is toxic and destabilizing.
Example: not texting back fast enough = she goes 0 to 100 and cancels plans, threatens to leave, etc
We cycled through all of the classic bpd love phases = Idealation, Obssessive clingy, Escalation, Devaluation, Repair, Responsibility. She is good at data mining like a detective and started fights about:
My thread title is a book about personality issues in romantic relationships. Anyone dealt with this?
I just went "no contact" with a late 20s girl who has had me walking on eggshells for months. The relationship is toxic and destabilizing.
Example: not texting back fast enough = she goes 0 to 100 and cancels plans, threatens to leave, etc
We cycled through all of the classic bpd love phases = Idealation, Obssessive clingy, Escalation, Devaluation, Repair, Responsibility. She is good at data mining like a detective and started fights about:
**stalked me once to a restaurant and falsely accused me of sleeping with my server.
And the story just gets worse.
Seriously? I've encountered nutso people like this woman in your post, but never has it gotten to the point of me putting up with the "crazy" (and all that goes along with that) for more than a date or two, let alone months.
I am sorry that you had this experience. Consider this experience of yours to be a lesson learned. Cut off the crazy as soon as a pattern is detected; trust your gut; when people show you who they are, believe them, etc.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 04-19-2024 at 09:09 PM..
In my 20's, I got invited to my friend Peter's birthday party. I met this girl and we were really hitting it off. Then a guy who I didn't know and wasn't sure if he was jealous said, you really don't want to date this girl but he didn't say why and I wasn't sure if he was jealous.Then my friend Christine told me that I didn't want to date this girl, but she too didn't say why.
Again I wasn't sure if she was jealous or what the story was. But the girl I am interested in invites me to join her in the hot tub in this apartment complex. She is sitting on my lap we are kissing. This girl is falling out of her bikini and things are
going great, but I go back to the party to get a bottle of wine and my friend Sean finally tells me the girl I am interested in is Peter's crazy roommate who takes pride ion taking revenge on all the guys who hurt hurt her and she thinks all guys hurt her so that's why you don't want to have anything to do with her.
Now the question is how do I get out of this situation? I ask Sean to join us.and he says in a bit and later he shows up at the hot tub with Christine and a couple of other people we know. Now with the Revenge Chick I start asking her about her last boyfriend and how that ended and she talks about keying his car and then she starts telling me about with another guy she dated how she went to wear he worked and tried to get him fired. She had had further stories about other guys she dated and they were all awful. But she was laughing and giggling while telling me these stories. I think it was Christine who suggested we should go back to the party and we all did
I didn't ask out the revenge chick. Later Peter told me other stories about this girl and just how difficult it was to stop being her roommate. I did see at one other party and she was still trying to flirt with me. I definitely dodged a bullet with that one.
The other more important lesson I drew from that experience is when someone is trying to tell you to stay away from someone to listen to that warning and not dismiss it as jealousy and in general don't let your penis talk you into to dismissing these types of concerns.
I didn't ask out the revenge chick. Later Peter told me other stories about this girl and just how difficult it was to stop being her roommate. I did see at one other party and she was still trying to flirt with me. I definitely dodged a bullet with that one.
The other more important lesson I drew from that experience is when someone is trying to tell you to stay away from someone to listen to that warning and not dismiss it as jealousy
I had a long look in the mirror. I thought I would never be desperate enough to ignore the disrespect.
The revenge dynamic is part of the destructive cycle. They have such intense emotional swings that any perceived betrayal and they want their pound of flesh. my ex fleed to the neighborhood patio bar where we met just to flirt (or worse)
Her anger was directed inside, the traits were harder to see. It came across as immaturity to me for a while.
They will lie and convince their family and friends that YOU are the toxic one. Any means to keep control to include pregnancy traps, dv, accusations, stalking..
So I guess the proper modern term is displaying "emotional dysregulation traits" because the word borderline was too stigmatized.
Many psychiatrists won't even treat this, I think that says a lot.
Last edited by Gray Rider; 04-21-2024 at 08:07 PM..
I had a long look in the mirror. I thought I would never be desperate enough to ignore the disrespect.
The revenge dynamic is part of the destructive cycle. They have such intense emotional swings that any perceived betrayal and they want their pound of flesh. my ex fleed to the neighborhood patio bar where we met just to flirt (or worse)
Her anger was directed inside, the traits were harder to see. It came across as immaturity to me for a while.
They will lie and convince their family and friends that YOU are the toxic one. Any means to keep control to include pregnancy traps, dv, accusations, stalking..
So I guess the proper modern term is displaying "emotional dysregulation traits" because the word borderline was too stigmatized.
Many psychiatrists won't even treat this, I think that says a lot.
There are actual mood disorders that can be treated with a class of meds called mood stabilizers. Why that matters is with the right meds a person with a mood disorder can get treated and do a lot better. You probably know and regularly interact with people who are taking mood stabilizers and because the meds do work pretty well you might not recognize that they have a mood disorder at all
The problem with personality disorders is that the people who have them don't recognize that they have a problem and there often isn't a successful medical intervention to make this person better.
The revenge chick really wasn't a happy person. She really did distrust everyone. I am sure that has to be an awful way to go through life. I don't envy her at all. But I don't hate her either.
But you do need to protect yourself from people like that.So I think it's worthwhile to be able to spot BPD.
But I think these experiences help you spot your own cognitive distortions. In my interactions with the revenge chick, multiple people tried to warn me about her, but I dismissed all of that as jealousy because the revenge chick was beautiful.
But the people in my life were acting the way your friends should, they were trying to protect me from my own bad decisions. I know I tend to dismiss the times I think with my penis, because I want to think I am above acting like that. But I am not.
My thread title is a book about personality issues in romantic relationships. Anyone dealt with this?
I just went "no contact" with a late 20s girl who has had me walking on eggshells for months. The relationship is toxic and destabilizing.
Example: not texting back fast enough = she goes 0 to 100 and cancels plans, threatens to leave, etc
We cycled through all of the classic bpd love phases = Idealation, Obssessive clingy, Escalation, Devaluation, Repair, Responsibility. She is good at data mining like a detective and started fights about:
In my interactions with the revenge chick, multiple people tried to warn me about her, but I dismissed all of that as jealousy because the revenge chick was beautiful.
But the people in my life were acting the way your friends should, they were trying to protect me from my own bad decisions. I know I tend to dismiss the times I think with my penis, because I want to think I am above acting like that. But I am not.
M
Sounds like an episode of Seinfeld lol
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