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Seriously. I've probably explained the situation to its core at least 10 times (at least) and because of your own perceptual filters, you cannot accept what I'm saying is what is actually happening.
Your implicit bias informs that everything I'm saying MUST be the result of some kind of action that I'm doing that:
1) I'm not even aware of.
2) Is causing the women to react to me as if I WERE flirting with them.
There's no consideration of the possibility that I am telling you all the 100% truth and you cannot even entertain the possibility that there are shallow women who assume I'm interested in them when making polite, platonic and innocent conversation.
I'd ask you to hold up your high powered observational techniques to a mirror and realize that you likely bring your own biases and perceptions to this conversation. You and several others are projecting some deep-seated attitude about men onto me as if I were some wacked out Men's Rights guy and I'm not.
I'm fully aware of my body language, syntax, physical space and choice of vocabulary. I'm not a sociopathic dude who is unaware of the realities of our world.
The simple fact that women I've run into treat some guys one way and other guys another way based on looks apparently is a foreign concept to many women in this forum.
That, or some folks just want to be needlessly contrarian.
Okay if it is happening.
Why does it bother you so much? <----- This is what I mean in terms of "coming clean."
Seriously. I've probably explained the situation to its core at least 10 times (at least) and because of your own perceptual filters, you cannot accept what I'm saying is what is actually happening.
Why does it bother you so much? <----- This is what I mean in terms of "coming clean."
It bothers me for several reasons:
1) It makes an incorrect assumption about my behavior.
2) I know what I look like, and I'm okay with that, but the use of the "boyfriend mention" on me and not on others is silly. Why? See #1.
3) The topic of our conversations don't often "fit" with the casual mention of the SO. (i.e. books, politics, career prospects, my own work in the entertainment industry, science news - and when I worked in the bookstore - work-related business).
4) It's a narcissistic thing. I'm not a fan of narcissism.
5) My own disappointment that being a gentleman is often confused with interest.
1) It makes an incorrect assumption about my behavior.
2) I know what I look like, and I'm okay with that, but the use of the "boyfriend mention" on me and not on others is silly. Why? See #1.
3) The topic of our conversations don't often "fit" with the casual mention of the SO. (i.e. books, politics, career prospects, my own work in the entertainment industry, science news - and when I worked in the bookstore - work-related business).
4) It's a narcissistic thing. I'm not a fan of narcissism.
5) My own disappointment that being a gentleman is often confused with interest.
Uh huh.
You got two choices:
1.) Let it go.
2.) Stop associating with those types of people.
Problem solved. My point is, you're getting mad about something that is not in your control. When you mention things about your "good looking" friends it makes you appear jealous you don't get the same treatment. It's unnecessary.
1.) Let it go.
2.) Stop associating with those types of people.
Problem solved. My point is, you're getting mad about something that is not in your control. When you mention things about your "good looking" friends it makes you appear jealous you don't get the same treatment. It's unnecessary.
This.
My gosh, it is so easy.
OP, if you actually want help, then here it is. DO you want help? If so...heed.
1.) Let it go.
2.) Stop associating with those types of people.
Problem solved. My point is, you're getting mad about something that is not in your control. When you mention things about your "good looking" friends it makes you appear jealous you don't get the same treatment. It's unnecessary.
I have let it go.
I just wanted to see what others felt about this situation. I don't know where this all turned from me asking a question on a message board to me being emotionally crippled by what's happened?
I believe I've been more shocked by the attitude and responses of some of the women here more than anything else.
There's some kind of hair-trigger on this page where the slightest perceived slight against women is immediately met with overreaction and an assumption of misogyny. Until I posted this, I literally had no idea what MGTOW meant and I had to look it up on google.
Being immediately cast into that pot was shocking.
I just wanted to see what others felt about this situation. I don't know where this all turned from me asking a question on a message board to me being emotionally crippled by what's happened?
Again, do you really want an answer here? Because if so, here it is: first of all, it never turned into anyone saying you're "emotionally crippled" (come on already) and second of all, you asked and we tried to answer. Simple as that. You just didn't LIKE the answers.
We, men and women alike, tried to give you all sorts of scenarios and possibilities. YOU are the one who, from the beginning, got offended, defensive, sarcastic and PA at ANY possibility other than "this is because women are entirely shallow and yes, they ARE all definitely bringing up boyfriends because they don't want you to ask them out," two things that we really couldn't agree with you on, so...?
Any answer you've been given, you've refuted, full of offended sensibilities and anger. You DIDN'T want to "see what others felt about this situation" unless you wanted to "see" this in order to freak out about it. That's on you. Next time, if you don't want to know, don't ask. But don't pretend now that you really did want to know what other people thought. You didn't. You just wanted support that women are terrible and underhanded and like to lie and are somehow full of themselves.
You've gotten plenty of answers and then some. You just didn't like a single one of them...well, except for the ones that supported the whole "women are jerks" thing you seem to espouse (right down to posting a vid today called "Women are A-Holes").
There is another possibility OP. Like I said until this thread I never paid attention to how often people mentioned their significant others. It just never registered with me and if you asked I would have said it doesn't happen often. Maybe these other men just don't hear it/ it doesn't register with them that women have mentioned boyfriends or husbands.
You could tell them to listen specifically for it but thats kind of a weird thing to ask a person to do so they might think you are being odd if you ask that or they might think it's a joke and then play around and not be honest.
You've gotten plenty of answers and then some. You just didn't like a single one of them...well, except for the ones that supported the whole "women are jerks" thing you seem to espouse (right down to posting a vid today called "Women are A-Holes").
You do know a collective of women made that video to highlight the hypocrisy in behavior that I've been outlining.
Self righteousness makes it difficult to consider the larger picture.
I mention my partner in casual conversation pretty frequently. It has nothing to do with "letting someone down easy", it's just that he is a major part of my life and as such, when talking about my personal life (weekend plans, travel, etc) his name comes up.
It's not always about you, OP.
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