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You don't need a girlfriend, you need a shrink. You are suffering from an illness that needs to be treated. What do you really have to offer a girlfriend in your state - all your emotional baggage? She isnt equipped to help you with what you need. No one, male or female, wants to be with a partner who will drain them.
Get the help you need as a priority, forget dating all together, and when you have effectively dealt with your depression then perhaps you will be suited to building a relationship with a girlfriend. Surely your desire to be with a girlfriend would be in order to have a mutually beneficial connection, not someone to be your emotional tampon.
My partner of 4 months decided that she doesn't want to be my "cheerleader" anymore, as she puts it, but want to enjoy her life without me bringing her down.
That came so out of the blue. Last week, everything seemed still be okay, in fact she was making plans for a future together. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, because I told her about how terrible I feel, due to depression.
She feels that by telling her about how I feel, I'm expecting her to pity me, cheer me up, or make me happy. She cited text messages I sent her over a longer period of time that gave her the impression I'm attention seeking, although I was just telling her how I felt in that moment.
It's so unfair to come up with all these examples all of a sudden, but never telling me before show she felt about it. She made it look like I'm sending her depressing messages all the time and I'm about to cut my wrist., which cannot be further from the truth. She said that she doesn't want to deal with that, as she doesn't know me very long. If we were together for 10 years, it would be different.
As you can imagine, that felt very bad, almost as you get kicked when you're your worst already.
Should I feel sympathy for her point of view? Of course I wasn't upbeat all the time, but I wasn't very negative to her, either. Should partners not be able to share their state of mind occasionally? After all, that's what a relationship is about.
I feel really disappointed and hurt, she seems a lot more shallow than I could have ever imagined. I hope to find a more understanding partner in the future
It appears she is telling you how she has felt over the past few months, but you're unable to accept it. Whilst you may have felt you were not being such an emotional drain, she clearly felt you were. She might not have said anything as she hoped things would improve. She might have also tried to be supportive but finally accepted that your depression needs more than just her support in terms of treatment.
This is why there are professionals to deal with depression & even they get support as it can be mentally exhausting. I don't think she's being shallow but maybe realistic. Seek professional help so that you don't become a drain on your next partner.
Sorry but I don't really blame her. She has the right to be happy and be with someone who can support her and give back to her as well. It sounds like you make everything about you and the constant negativity would be too much for me. I would rather be alone than be expected to pull someone up every day in and out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me
You don't need a girlfriend, you need a shrink. You are suffering from an illness that needs to be treated. What do you really have to offer a girlfriend in your state - all your emotional baggage? She isnt equipped to help you with what you need. No one, male or female, wants to be with a partner who will drain them.
Get the help you need as a priority, forget dating all together, and when you have effectively dealt with your depression then perhaps you will be suited to building a relationship with a girlfriend. Surely your desire to be with a girlfriend would be in order to have a mutually beneficial connection, not someone to be your emotional tampon.
Yeah, an emotional, draining tampon is never a good thing to be in a relationship.
Sorry but I don't really blame her. She has the right to be happy and be with someone who can support her and give back to her as well. It sounds like you make everything about you and the constant negativity would be too much for me. I would rather be alone than be expected to pull someone up every day in and out.
Sorry but I don't really blame her. She has the right to be happy and be with someone who can support her and give back to her as well. It sounds like you make everything about you and the constant negativity would be too much for me. I would rather be alone than be expected to pull someone up every day in and out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I would recommend placing a priority on getting treatment for your depression.
We can't possibly know how much of her concern about your behavior and motivations is accurate, but she did what was best for her. You certainly don't want to be with someone who is there merely out of obligation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
As someone who dated someone who turned out to be suffering from depression, I would tell anyone to run -- not walk -- away from that situation (I was not smart enough to do so, and it cost me dearly).
However, she does not sound like an empathetic, caring person, so she probably did you a favor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Sounds like she was already distancing herself from you because she felt you were a downer. Then you called and told her you are officially depressed. So she bailed.
I'm sorry, I know it must seem as if someone is kicking you while your down, but it seems you should make treatment of your mental health a priority and not dating,
Best of luck to you.
i agree with these posts. OP you need to get help for your depression, and you need to realize that relationships are not about you and what you want, but rather what you can give to your partner. you obviously were not fulfilling her needs in the relationship, even though sh was trying to fulfill yours.
so my advice to you OP is to start by sitting down and looking into your own soul, and think about why you are "depressed". often times its because people want everything from the world, but wont give back anything, and they feel slighted as a result and they call it depression. the people that are the happiest are the ones that have figured out that life is not about what you want, but rather about what you can do to improve the lives of those around you.
next bit of advice, go to her and sit down with her in a neutral location, some place quiet and comfortable for both of you, and talk to her, and find out from her what she thinks your problems are, and brace yourself because she probably has good insight. DO NOT try to restart the relationship, is is OVER. instead use this as a learning tool to improve yourself. and make sure you show her that you appreciate her time in this effort.
remember that everyone has problems, but most people work to help others around them instead of focusing on themselves. open up to others and help them with their issues as best you can, be supportive of others, and you will find that your issues will actually fade away.
Pick your own butt up off the floor, don't depend on others to do it for you and above all be your best for the ones you care about.
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