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You basically told her is that you're not interested in friendship. But she's in a romantic relationship and you are geographically unavailable even if she wasn't. She really has no reason to interact with you now that you've made it clear that you primarily want something from her she can't provide.
If your conscience is picking at you for ending things on such an abrupt, unpleasant note, you might send her a brief message simply apologizing for being so brusque and letting her know that you wish her all the best. Note: this is only a good idea if you actually mean it, not if you're just doing it to wheedle future interactions out of her.
Yes I'll correct you. I haven't got pissed off. No anger at all. I felt anxious/afraid however and didn't wanted her to see me in that state, that is why I rushed shutting skype.
I want to be with her, but at the same time I realize we probably can't right now. So I want to remain in good terms at least. If it happens like this - this will help me move on.
Until I hear from her I'll bang my head wondering how she feels and what she thinks and this will hold me back with any progress. And in that state I can't serve well neither me, neither anybody else.
^^^re-read what you wrote here, and pay special attention to how many 'I's you can count.
This isn't about you anymore - all you are showing concern for here is you, what will 'satisfy' you, what you want...stop and think about that for a minute. Let it sink in.
Trust me she has gotten the message and she hears you loud and clear.
My gut feeling is that she liked you as well, but she knew a relationship or anything serious wasn't possible so she decided to keep her options open. More than likely she told you "she's off the market" because she cares about your opinion. If I didn't care about a guy I wouldn't tell him squat about my availability I would just disappear.
Your reaction was harsh and callous but it makes total sense. She kind of dropped a bomb on you and felt the best thing to do was cut her off. It was a warranted response on your behalf. The best thing to do is to give her some space at this point because clearly she's not even responding to you. You've likely angered her and sent her the message that you value her very little... From a girl's perspective you basically told her, "youre worthless to me now that you are someone else's property. I see very little value in you as a person besides seeing you as a sexual being."
If you feel like she could be the one, I would wait a month again before sending her another message. This time being more sincere and owning up to your own insecurities upfront. Don't just apologize. say why you are sorry and that you would still like some kind of a friendship with her. Then follow up by asking if she has any free time to talk on the phone.
If you dont care enough to wait it out, then chalk it up as a learning experience and put it behind you. That's all..
You are very right on that. She didn't saw it working as RS, I didn't saw it initially neither, but we kept in touch however and this made me start feeling affection.
I don't know if she got angry or not. We never argued or quarreled for anything in the time we kept in touch or being together. Probably not responding is her way to "express" her anger.
"youre worthless to me now that you are someone else's property. I see very little value in you as a person besides seeing you as a sexual being." I haven't meant or thought it at all.I really value her and feel her different from the rest. However - yes you say from her perspective. At the moment in the burst of the emotion I haven't considered her perspective. I now obviously do.
This is really making me feel miserable now. I can't date new people, I can't focus on my work neither.
I want to clearly apologize if that is how she feels. I don't want to do it because of trying to manipulate her responding, but I feel it is the man's thing to do now. Correct me if I'm wrong on that.
And please other members restrain from critiquing me. I feel very low now and I don't need any more yelling. I really want to better my self and make other people happy when are around me.
You basically told her is that you're not interested in friendship. But she's in a romantic relationship and you are geographically unavailable even if she wasn't. She really has no reason to interact with you now that you've made it clear that you primarily want something from her she can't provide.
If your conscience is picking at you for ending things on such an abrupt, unpleasant note, you might send her a brief message simply apologizing for being so brusque and letting her know that you wish her all the best. Note: this is only a good idea if you actually mean it, not if you're just doing it to wheedle future interactions out of her.
Yes my conscience is picking at me and this is what I actually mean. I intend to record a short video and send it to her.
^^^re-read what you wrote here, and pay special attention to how many 'I's you can count.
This isn't about you anymore - all you are showing concern for here is you, what will 'satisfy' you, what you want...stop and think about that for a minute. Let it sink in.
Can't sink in. Will record a video apologizing, (not moaning or winy) send it to her and then let go.
You are very right on that. She didn't saw it working as RS, I didn't saw it initially neither, but we kept in touch however and this made me start feeling affection.
I don't know if she got angry or not. We never argued or quarreled for anything in the time we kept in touch or being together. Probably not responding is her way to "express" her anger.
"youre worthless to me now that you are someone else's property. I see very little value in you as a person besides seeing you as a sexual being." I haven't meant or thought it at all.I really value her and feel her different from the rest. However - yes you say from her perspective. At the moment in the burst of the emotion I haven't considered her perspective. I now obviously do.
This is really making me feel miserable now. I can't date new people, I can't focus on my work neither.
I want to clearly apologize if that is how she feels. I don't want to do it because of trying to manipulate her responding, but I feel it is the man's thing to do now. Correct me if I'm wrong on that.
And please other members restrain from critiquing me. I feel very low now and I don't need any more yelling. I really want to better my self and make other people happy when are around me.
Thank you for your time.
Oh yikes, it wasn't my intention to make you feel more miserable. I understand what its like to be frustrated and feeling lost when it comes to someone you have strong feelings for.
My best advice to you is since its still rather fresh (happened a week or so ago) I would really take the time to get some perspective on the situation.
As a person who doesn't like to quarrel with my friends or loved ones, I can tell you that my mode of communication when I am generally upset or hurt is silence. I step back and get quiet until I've had time to process what's happening so I don't say somethign I don't regret. So again, this may be her way of showing you that she is upset/angry. It doesn't always have to be an outright fight.
To put it in a guy's perspective. Say there was a girl you were interested in, but it wasn't too serious for any myriad of reasons. Because it isn't that serious you keep your options open and occasionaly go to the bar with other girls. If this girl caught wind of this and one day out of the blue sent you a nasty text message saying "I'm done with you. Don't ever text or call me again", how would you feel? Confused? Hurt? Offended? And even if you were to overlook this, wouldn't you this kind of erratic behavior be enough to turn you off?
Again, I say this not to make you feel worse but to let you see the bigger picture.
I don't know the depth and the nature of your guys' relationship. If it was even remotely deep then she will come around, and at least reply. Trust me.
"I don't want to do it because of trying to manipulate her responding, but I feel it is the man's thing to do now. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. " I don't understand what your question meant. Can you rephrase it?
Oh yikes, it wasn't my intention to make you feel more miserable. I understand what its like to be frustrated and feeling lost when it comes to someone you have strong feelings for.
My best advice to you is since its still rather fresh (happened a week or so ago) I would really take the time to get some perspective on the situation.
As a person who doesn't like to quarrel with my friends or loved ones, I can tell you that my mode of communication when I am generally upset or hurt is silence. I step back and get quiet until I've had time to process what's happening so I don't say somethign I don't regret. So again, this may be her way of showing you that she is upset/angry. It doesn't always have to be an outright fight.
To put it in a guy's perspective. Say there was a girl you were interested in, but it wasn't too serious for any myriad of reasons. Because it isn't that serious you keep your options open and occasionaly go to the bar with other girls. If this girl caught wind of this and one day out of the blue sent you a nasty text message saying "I'm done with you. Don't ever text or call me again", how would you feel? Confused? Hurt? Offended? And even if you were to overlook this, wouldn't you this kind of erratic behavior be enough to turn you off?
Again, I say this not to make you feel worse but to let you see the bigger picture.
I don't know the depth and the nature of your guys' relationship. If it was even remotely deep then she will come around, and at least reply. Trust me.
"I don't want to do it because of trying to manipulate her responding, but I feel it is the man's thing to do now. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. " I don't understand what your question meant. Can you rephrase it?
You are totally right. Now it makes perfect sense and I see the whole situation clearly with perspective.
Here is the rephrase of the statement I said: I don't want to apologize in order to trick and manipulate her to call or contact me, but for real feeling of guilt for offending her.
Well our relations was not the deepest, but were not superficial neither. For 2 months we were physical and during the other 10 - virtual but constant.
I'm NOT "it is like whatever" regarding her.
Here is demo of my apologetic message.
(it is not whinny or moany, but my most sincere apology). https://soundcloud.com/user-29713111/message
- usually it is webcam video, but for obvious reasons I post it as sound only. (Sorry for accent - English is my 2nd language).
Yeah but the OP said she broke up with him! Unless I misunderstood I believe it was his reaction to her getting a boyfriend locally that he regrets.
I understand your situation though.
Actually she just informed him that she was seeing a new person locally..( give her credit for honesty) and no doubt she has morale's to actually inform the OP. But I think it was his retort to her that sound pretty shaming as I read it..SO I guess..his retort shamed her for even talking to him..So decided..No contact ( according to shaming by OP) forced to rethink even having a friendship with someone on another Continent.
So, I also felt due to his knee-jerk reactions that in hindsight he REGRETS severing s friendship that he actually enjoyed. Well, it's not easy to maintain ANY relationship long distant on every level..distance does tend to interfere with one's wants and needs for physical contact ( I don't mean sex either)..SO guess, after their forced separation due to status as Foreign visitor and visa expired. It then gets complicated..and THAT's what happens..Unfortunately.
Bottomline..Many Many experienced this in their life.."How many times has someone realized they lost with decisions and circumstances ?" It happened to me back in 1972..Yep I regret it..but was able to maintain a friendship with him regardless..He married..I married..I had kids..He had kids..BUT our respect for each other never ended..So after 5 years or so..We reconnected occasionally..by phone..It worked out to be a wonderful friendship! Of course we had never been physical..so that part didn't confuse the friendship.. Path of life has all sorts of questions, choices, decisions and often regret some of them..there's many regretful actions..But thats LIFE!!
Actually she just informed him that she was seeing a new person locally..( give her credit for honesty) and no doubt she has morale's to actually inform the OP. But I think it was his retort to her that sound pretty shaming as I read it..SO I guess..his retort shamed her for even talking to him..So decided..No contact ( according to shaming by OP) forced to rethink even having a friendship with someone on another Continent.
So, I also felt due to his knee-jerk reactions that in hindsight he REGRETS severing s friendship that he actually enjoyed. Well, it's not easy to maintain ANY relationship long distant on every level..distance does tend to interfere with one's wants and needs for physical contact ( I don't mean sex either)..SO guess, after their forced separation due to status as Foreign visitor and visa expired. It then gets complicated..and THAT's what happens..Unfortunately.
Bottomline..Many Many experienced this in their life.."How many times has someone realized they lost with decisions and circumstances ?" It happened to me back in 1972..Yep I regret it..but was able to maintain a friendship with him regardless..He married..I married..I had kids..He had kids..BUT our respect for each other never ended..So after 5 years or so..We reconnected occasionally..by phone..It worked out to be a wonderful friendship! Of course we had never been physical..so that part didn't confuse the friendship.. Path of life has all sorts of questions, choices, decisions and often regret some of them..there's many regretful actions..But thats LIFE!!
Yes Long distance is problem, yes I acted jerky, yes I regret a lot and it pains me.
We are in same continent - Europe. No visa needed. 5h flight apart, but anyway.
Last thing I can do is apologize for being a jerk. And at the point keeping our friendship is most realistic thing that I want.
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