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Doing a cycling trip through the mountains as a novice cyclist when you aren't acclimated to the altitude sounds like a disaster to me. Definitely not relaxing, restful OR romantic.
I agree with this. You'd be exhausted at the end of each day, no energy to enjoy a hotel, do anything on your laptop, etc.
Honestly, OP, it sounds like your bf has taken over the vacation plans (without telling you until late in the process), and is trying to shoehorn you into HIS idea of an ideal vacation. It sounds like he hasn't consulted with you, he's telling you what his plan is, without any concern to your preferences and limitations. This isn't what a person who loves you does. This isn't how it's done in a loving relationship.
I would bail, and reconsider the relationship in general. Think back: has there been a pattern of him coaxing or pushing you into things he wants to do? If so, does he reciprocate, and go along with things you want to do? Yes, no? I might look for someone who's more considerate of you. But then, I don't know the whole history of you two together; maybe you two have a good thing going on, except for him pushing this dream of an intensive biking vacation.
A partnership is about doing what you both want to do. A trip based on cycling daily when you are a novice bike rider is CRAZY. Going on vacation and renting bikes for a 1 hour trip is more in line. You would be absolutely miserable riding every day.
I'd really rethink this relationship. He sounds like a complete control freak.
You can visit Colorado another time & do what you want to do. Or come to Montana. It's great.
If I were you, I'd move out while he's gone.
I just reread about the differences in finances in your relationship. You are not married. So it's a case of he's got the gold and he's dictating the terms. Respect yourself. Do not be bought.
Last edited by historyfan; 06-24-2016 at 07:58 PM..
Reason: Edit.
I just reread about the differences in finances in your relationship. You are not married. So it's a case of he's got the gold and he's dictating the terms. Respect yourself. Do not be bought.
This. It is possible that he resents the financial imbalance and this is his way of dealing with it, or it's possible he deliberately picked a partner who is still in school so that he could exert power in this way. Since he's pressuring you to leave a week's pay on the table, I'm thinking the latter is more likely. Either way, it doesn't bode well for the future.
I don't see the problem. You inform him that you will get a car at the airport and he can tell you where he will be that night and you meet him at the hotel. if he has never ridden a bike in Colorado, I suspect he will change his mind about the bike ride after the first day when you have to drive out to pick him up.
In the meantime, you drive and go sight seeing and meet him for dinner and the overnight stay.
There is absolutely no excuse to whine or to get passive aggressive. Just calmly inform him that you have decided that is the best way for you to enjoy the vacation; that you want to enjoy your vacation with him but that you know you can not do the long bicycle ride and therefore you will not ride the bicycle.
And get yourself into therapy or get some tranquilizers or whatever it takes for you to get control over the flying issue. Fear of flying basically cripples you and limits where you can go. It's your life, manage it so that you can enjoy it.
This is probably what they should have planned from the very beginning.
When my husband and I were dating, we planned a similar trip -- except, he took my interests into account from the beginning. He rode with friends on some days. We hiked and went sightseeing on others. I had the car and explored the area on my own while they were out. We rented a condo for the week, so we had a home base where we could all relax.
I'm curious about the route that's been mapped out for the novice bicyclist. Many parts of Colorado are pretty vertical, and would be challenging, if not grueling, even for experienced bikers. OTOH, the flatter areas are beautiful, but still would be exhausting as all-day rides for someone who only recently learned how to ride a bike.
A nice biking vacation for a beginner would be biking leisurely along the ocean promenade along Monterey Bay, from Santa Cruz, to Monterey, with maybe a side trip into the redwoods--the only uphill part. But no, the OP''s guy is setting her up for all-day rides for a week or to in Colorado, of all places! And when was this going to happen--soon? CO is hot in the summers: in the 80's and 90's, vs. a cool low-70's on the California coast.
He didn.t take out an insurance policy on you, did he?
I.m still scratching my head on the "tandem bicycle through the Rockies" part.
If you were to go, what if that bike craps out in a major way and you are both stranded with no one to go find help.
He sounds like an Aquarius: my best friend would do the same thing (plan trips that were in some way not equal for the both of us: 2 days out after rehab she coaxed me into a 7 mile walk around a lake).
He is bananas. But do stick around to see if he pulls through the trip:alone.
he should take your desires and likes into consideration but you're also presenting this very one sided.maybe he doesn't wanna do the things you want to do. it works both ways. and honestly if you're both contributing equally to the household but he's the one paying for all of the trips you take together then he should have some more say ( not 100% though) in them.
I also can't blame him if he's saving a lot of money by flying a day early to want you to take off of work. If you'll make a lot less in that day than he's saving it makes total sense- and his saving are after tax.
i mean really if a woman posted " i paid for this great trip and my boyfriend/husband is ungrateful and doesn't want to do x y and z with me and i was really looking forward to those things" the man would be getting called ungrateful and absolutely trashed.
if you two have different ideas of what is fun and a vacation then it probably won't work. it doesn't make either one of you a bad person
i mean really if a woman posted " i paid for this great trip and my boyfriend/husband is ungrateful and doesn't want to do x y and z with me and i was really looking forward to those things" the man would be getting called ungrateful and absolutely trashed.
if you two have different ideas of what is fun and a vacation then it probably won't work. it doesn't make either one of you a bad person
I'd never take my SO on vacation and only consider what I wanted to do, then expect him to go along- whether I paid or not. Anyone who does what this guy is doing should be called selfish. Has nothing to do with if its a man or a woman.
Having different ideas of what's fun on vacation is challenging enough, but the OP is expected to do all day cycling in the Colorado altitude / terrain, when she's just learned to ride a bike! Guess you didn't read the posts from those living in CO that this is not for the faint of heart, and difficult enough for someone experienced and in great shape.
OP, don't go. No, don't stop him from doing what he wants- but stay home and rethink this relationship. If he does this kind of stuff often, really rethink it.
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