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Yes that's true I had a totally nuturing father the last 37 years,but still I think it will take many years to dislocate and destroy these old ideas,I find it a bit sad,I still look myself in bemusement at dads carrying the baby on them in the carrier they look so womanly but I'm an antiquated person.
I know male pygmies do it but that's all I know.
Thanks, at least you are one that listens. I think it's unfair to get upset at me for this. Had she had a problem with the way things were she should have told me.
If she will not go for counseling, you need to go for yourself. While counselors are not mind readers they can help you deal with the situation and who knows maybe she'll start going.
One thing I'd like to point out is if you file for divorce you can ask the court to impose counseling. That may be the only way to get her to go.
Okay thanks everyone I do appreciate all the advice. My wife is great otherwise but even after talking to her recently she sees nothing wrong. I do help out in the home insofar as cleaning up after myself but she would do most of the other stuff. I asked her what she wants and she said "to relax and shop".
OP, this isn't "helping out". This is what normal mature adults do. They don't leave their clothes on the floor; they put them away when they change, or go to bed. They put the cap back onto the toothpaste tube. They wash their own dishes or put them in the washer after grabbing a quick meal, instead of leaving them in the sink or on the table for someone else to take care of. That's just basic adult behavior. "Helping out" is as others have pointed out: you schedule with your spouse watching the kids or taking them to the library, or wherever, so she can have some time off or attend to other things. You do the dishes every night without being asked, because she does all the shopping and cooking. You scrub the shower/tub stall once/week and mop the bathroom floor (pssst--the floor takes about 30 seconds). THAT is "helping out".
If you consider cleaning up after yourself to be something special, deserving of the term "helping out", no wonder you two have a problem!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 06-30-2016 at 05:48 PM..
No, you missed mine. Her dh is on here complaining. When mine complains unlike her, I'll listen. When mine wanted to go to counseling, I went. We can only go by what we are given from the person living with her. If her not cleaning the house and spending her time shopping with friends is a problem for him then it's a problem for their marriage.
I don't think this is entirely fair. The problem may be that doing all the housework, cooking, bringing in a part-time paycheck AND homeschooling the kids was a HUGE problem for her, but she just bit the bullet and did what needed to be done without voicing any complaints. Funyman put it really well near the beginning of the thread: she did what needed to be done, keeping in mind that the rescue boat (his promotion) would show up eventually. That stress, strain and exhaustion is now manifesting as a problem in their marriage, because it was a problemfor her for many years, unbeknownst to him. Now that she's taking a much-needed (and well-deserved) break, he gets to declare it a problem for him, and threaten her with divorce to get her into counseling? Something's wrong with this picture.
The problem seems to be, as far as we can tell, that she's not sharing her feelings about it all, so he has no clue. She's putting her feet up, finally, and is getting some R & R, probably feeling that not only is it her due, but her thick-headed husband should understand without having to be hit over the head with it, and should be sympathetic. So she's doing the "he should be able to read my mind" thing. There's a communication problem in the marriage.
Heck, for all we know, she may be refusing to go to counseling because she's afraid she'll blow up at him after holding everything inside for 11 years.
Ummmm did you guys miss the part where Jeff with 3 fffs and only 4 posts is not the OP? OP has 2 ffs and 9 posts. He isn't gaining fffs and losing posts as the day goes by.... Ramen Noodles pointed this out about 12 hours ago.
Ummmm did you guys miss the part where Jeff with 3 fffs and only 4 posts is not the OP? OP has 2 ffs and 9 posts. He isn't gaining fffs and losing posts as the day goes by.... Ramen Noodles pointed this out about 12 hours ago.
Women give birth to the baby,are historical nuturers,the baby initially sustains it's life from the mother. Expecting people to change ancient concepts overnight is Not easy.
Historically, women did not work outside the home and bring in actual cash for it - that is a comparatively recent development - but it doesn't seem to have taken long for men to get used to that, and to change this particular ancient concept. (Currently, 45% of the U.S. work force is female. Very obviously, mothers are included in this number.)
Nobody says "WOW, Robert, you have NO IDEA how lucky you are that you found a woman who WORKS! That's crazy, that's like a unicorn...HEY, EVERYBODY, Robert's wife WORKS!" and the entire bar murmurs with awe and jealousy.
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