Are dumpers always emotionally checked out before the break up? (girlfriend, marriages)
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My ex had said that he didn't feel the same way anymore and that he wanted to call it quits when our tenancy runs out (which is the beginning of August, we broke up towards the end of May) 2 months before we actually broke up because I had my last 2 months of uni and a break up and that would be to much, so he said he tried to get the feelings back within those 2 months and we carried on being together as normal. However I asked him again how he felt the day my exams finished and he said he wasn't sure, so i said we should break up.
However he cried when we broke up, we slept in the same bed a couple of days after we broke up (as we live together and share a room) and i told him i'll miss him and he burst into tears, the next morning he hugged me goodbye as i was temporarily moving out then and he burst into tears then. I asked him if he'd cried much when he'd been on his own and he said yes. I also asked him when the last time he cried this much was and he said when his ex girlfriend broke up with him 3 years ago- so he cried just as much being the dumper as he was when he was the dumpee?
I also asked him a few days after the break up (when i was drunk...woops), if he was still in love with me and he said yes.
He also seems unsure about the break up, I asked him if he'd like to see how we feel in a couple of months when we're not living together (because he said the reason he didn't feel the same way and didn't want the relationship anymore was because he found living together to intense, he felt trapped and needs his space) as this was the main problem for him, but this won't be apparent in a couple of months, so we should see how we feel and maybe try again, in which he smiled and said yes but said he can't promise anything.
However,
I asked him again (when i was drunk, i know it's stupid, we were at a festival with mutual friends) if he was still in love with me- only 2 weeks after the first time, and he said no and that he is happy on his own??? how could he of fallen out of love with me in two weeks? surely he is lieing one of the times he said he was or was or was not still in love with me?- is it because he is happy and relieved that it's over and he can finally have time to himself that he thinks he is not in love with me anymore and he is just confused? or would he have been lieing the first time??
he's also deleted me off all social media in the past two weeks (except facebook, i deleted him off that the day after we broke up) and just seems a bit more distant from me.
Had he emotionally checked out before we actually broke up?? considering I don't think he wanted to break up with me the night we did, i was the one who pulled the trigger (although I would describe him as the dumper and me the dumpee as he was the one who wanted the break up, i did not want it)
like would he really cry that much and say he was still in love with me if he had actually emotionally checked out before the break up?
Last edited by rachaelh21; 06-26-2016 at 05:03 PM..
It's hard to let go of something and move on when it's been such a big part of your life - it's sad to let it go, because you know you'll never go back to that. It doesn't mean it's not the best thing for everyone involved though. Probably, he was just feeling sad by the ending of what was a good relationship and letting go of a person he really cared for, and maybe he misinterpreted that as still being in love with you. Now that he has done the hard part, he is able to see that he is not still in love with you.
It sounds like you are both young. As a sweeping generalization a lot of marriages occur relatively quickly in the relationship timeline simply because the timing is right between the two individuals. Which is to say often both parties have recently had a change of focus and now evaluate potential mates by a different set of criteria then they did before. It may simply not be the time for a serious relationship for him and he may be afraid his strong feelings for you are doing are clouding his judgment and doing him a disservice. In other words it is very possible to love someone who is simply not right for you, at least at that moment in time.
So what I am saying is just let him go. He may reach out to you in the future but it seems like he is signaling he is weak and needs to try and push you away for his own sake. How he will feel about you or you about him after you both added a few more notches to your bedpost can be a challenge to navigate, hence why so few ever reestablish a relationship, but as you age it tends to matter less and less.
Yes! Dumpers, from my experience, are usually emotionally unattached. Whether it was a dear friendship or a relationship, the person who"dumped me" emotionally moved on way before they formally let me know about it.
However, when I have to " dump someone", I am still emotionally attached. Just like what a previous poster said, it's hard to detach from someone who played a significant role in your life.
He's not a guy who will be a good mate. Sounds immature and unstable.
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