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Old 06-28-2016, 05:05 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,683 posts, read 19,801,819 times
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It would only bother me if you would keep complaining about your job or how others have so much more. It is quite annoying to be with somebody who always complains but doesn't put in the effort to achieve more.


So if you are happy with your career, I don't see any issues with the lack of ambition.
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Old 06-28-2016, 05:25 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,333,214 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
This question is mainly for the women here, but men are free to answer, especially if you feel the same way as me. My question is this. Do you find a lack of ambition to be a big turnoff?

I have a steady job that's respectable and I make a very comfortable income. Normally, someone with my years of experience in my field would be further up the ladder in a managerial type role. But I've never aspired to be in a position of leadership. I'm quite content doing the job I have. Like I said, it pays well and leaves me a lot of free time to pursue other interests. Although I don't have any real passion for it, it suits my needs and current goals. But I wonder if that lack of drive hurts me in the dating market. There are days I wish I were more of a Type A person who's ambitious and working hard to move up the ranks. Maybe if I made less money, I'd have that motivation. But I can't force myself to be something I'm not. If a guy is content with what he has, I would think that would be a plus. Am I wrong?
If you enjoy what you're doing and it fits your needs, I don't see the problem. Then again, I'm the same way, as is my husband. We're not type A, nor would we want to be, and it works for us.

My husband *just* joked about something like this earlier today while watching The 40-Year-Old Virgin where the woman Steve Carell's character is dating basically implies she's helping him "grow up" 'cause he collects a bunch of toys and rides a bike to work. My husband joked that he'd get similar reactions when he disclosed what he does and was asked about his long term goals. (he didn't have a car and rode his bike for many years and his long term goals fall outside what some UMC folks consider acceptable.) He loves what he does.
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Old 06-28-2016, 05:26 PM
 
914 posts, read 761,526 times
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Nothing you've said indicates that you lack ambition Op. Like you've said, you have a steady income, have been doing your job for a while and are comfortable where you are. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You simply don't want to deal with the headache and politics of climbing the corporate ladder. I'm in the same boat, I really like my job and am quite comfortable where I am as well. When I think lack of ambition, I picture a basement dweller playing video games and smoking weed all day everyday.
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Old 06-28-2016, 05:46 PM
 
9,952 posts, read 6,573,700 times
Reputation: 19649
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83 View Post
Nothing you've said indicates that you lack ambition Op. Like you've said, you have a steady income, have been doing your job for a while and are comfortable where you are. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You simply don't want to deal with the headache and politics of climbing the corporate ladder. I'm in the same boat, I really like my job and am quite comfortable where I am as well. When I think lack of ambition, I picture a basement dweller playing video games and smoking weed all day everyday.
Agreed. There is a huge difference between lack of ambition and lack of desire to deal with the politics and instability that goes with moving into a managerial role. The ideal partner for me is someone with a comfortable income and a relatively low stress job, which would be a non-managerial position like the one you are in now.

Yeah, there are some rewards for climbing the corporate ladder, but often times the headaches and instability outweigh them. You're more likely to be fired/ousted. You're more likely to have insane hours/emergencies. The overall salary increase may not be more in terms of pay per hour than you'd get in a comfortable non-managerial position. In my current office, people have been offered managerial roles and have turned them down for all of these reasons. They have relative stability in their current roles but once they get into management, it's much much easier to get fired and the travel requirements increase dramatically as well.

Due to some staffing shortages at my job, I take on some de-facto managerial roles and it's a pain in the butt. I can completely understand why someone would have absolutely no interest because I really have no interest.
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:03 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
16,233 posts, read 27,278,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
It would only bother me if you would keep complaining about your job or how others have so much more. It is quite annoying to be with somebody who always complains but doesn't put in the effort to achieve more.


So if you are happy with your career, I don't see any issues with the lack of ambition.
Amen! I cannot be around people whose M.O. is constantly grousing about how crummy everything is about their lives. It is usually the people who do nothing who have the most to complain about - interesting observation I've made. People should be happy about their career and work environment, and if they aren't, they should be taking measures to steer it onto a more desirous course.

I'm not interested in a workaholic, to be sure, but who wants someone who lacks ambition or even a will to be a contributing member of society? Not saying that about OP or anyone in particular, just generalizing.
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:16 PM
 
9,952 posts, read 6,573,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Amen! I cannot be around people whose M.O. is constantly grousing about how crummy everything is about their lives. It is usually the people who do nothing who have the most to complain about - interesting observation I've made. People should be happy about their career and work environment, and if they aren't, they should be taking measures to steer it onto a more desirous course.

I'm not interested in a workaholic, to be sure, but who wants someone who lacks ambition or even a will to be a contributing member of society? Not saying that about OP or anyone in particular, just generalizing.
Most people aren't happy with their career and work environment. The problem is that American culture tends to be a live to work culture instead of a work to live culture. I really don't like my job, but I try my best to do things outside my job to make my life enjoyable since it's only 40-50 hours a week. My job doesn't pay as much as I'd like, so most of those activities have to be lower cost, but I still manage.

Am I trying to find a better job? Sure, but I want to find a job that is a definite improvement, not just move to move. I know that may take months or even years, so in the interim I have to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation. I've had jobs I've absolutely loathed before. Those are the jobs where I wake up and absolutely dread going into work everyday because I hate my coworkers or the work environment. My current work has a lot of annoying/frustrating aspects, but I mostly like my coworkers and can find the good aspects of the job. I use those horrible jobs as a benchmark to keep myself going every day.
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:30 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,453,313 times
Reputation: 12547
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
Most people aren't happy with their career and work environment. The problem is that American culture tends to be a live to work culture instead of a work to live culture. I really don't like my job, but I try my best to do things outside my job to make my life enjoyable since it's only 40-50 hours a week. My job doesn't pay as much as I'd like, so most of those activities have to be lower cost, but I still manage.

Am I trying to find a better job? Sure, but I want to find a job that is a definite improvement, not just move to move. I know that may take months or even years, so in the interim I have to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation. I've had jobs I've absolutely loathed before. Those are the jobs where I wake up and absolutely dread going into work everyday because I hate my coworkers or the work environment. My current work has a lot of annoying/frustrating aspects, but I mostly like my coworkers and can find the good aspects of the job. I use those horrible jobs as a benchmark to keep myself going every day.
Britain has a work to live culture unfortunately!... Like robots at times

We are workers naturally but the expense of living here especially in central London where I am it's a killer!.

So yes I completely understand mate
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:48 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,432,396 times
Reputation: 4437
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
Yeah, there are some rewards for climbing the corporate ladder, but often times the headaches and instability outweigh them. You're more likely to be fired/ousted. You're more likely to have insane hours/emergencies. The overall salary increase may not be more in terms of pay per hour than you'd get in a comfortable non-managerial position.
My brother was offered a promotion a few years ago and he took it. He found that being younger than most of his co-workers, they gave him the attitude of "I'm not taking orders from someone young enough to be my son." He also went from hourly to salary, which looked great on paper, but he was working so much OT that by the end of the week, he was basically working for free.

First chance he got, he demoted himself. Still works insane hours, but now he gets paid for them and he doesn't have the attitudes of men who have been there since the dawn of time to deal with. And if he could meet someone who isn't psycho, he's not too stressed out to get to know her better.
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Pacific 🌉 °N, 🌄°W
11,761 posts, read 7,204,920 times
Reputation: 7528
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
This question is mainly for the women here, but men are free to answer, especially if you feel the same way as me. My question is this. Do you find a lack of ambition to be a big turnoff?
A huge turnoff. Who wants a slacker?
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Old 06-28-2016, 07:10 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,081 posts, read 4,554,265 times
Reputation: 10547
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
Lack of ambition generally equates to a lack of direction.
It's stagnate, no momentum and no desire to change in any way other than what is managable in the moment.

It can be a very negative thing in relationships depending on who it is and what is desired from the partnership.

Circumstance and situation dictate positives and negatives, keep this in mind.
There's a difference between lack of ambition and a lack of a sense of duty and responsibility and they don't always coincide with each other.

Some people may lack a high degree of ambition (mainly in terms of career but also in other aspects of life and trying to change), but are extremely responsible and dependable, both in terms of general responsibilities (earning a living, being good and loyal in various relationships). They're content on being a good person and having a fairly simple life.

Some ambitious people lack a sense of duty and responsibility, are poor in relationships (not just romantic relationships but relationships in general-- abandoning them when they don't their "ambitious" master plan), and would achieve whatever goal they set out to accomplish with less than stellar character, to put this nicely. Their ambition comes out of a sense of restlessness and self serving motives.

Of course, some ambitious people are extremely loyal, have great character, and are outstanding in every aspect of how they treat people they encounter in their day-to-day lives.

You're exactly right that it depends on the situation.
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