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As a hardcore capitalist, I have to say that yes, this is a huge factor.
It's admirable that you admire their mission. However, dude ... you gotta pay the bills!!!
If you can't get a better-paying FT job, you need to grind at two part-time jobs until you do. Deliver pizzas or Jimmy John's, sort packages at UPS, etc. In fact, you could do one of those and still keep your current gig. Or you can admire the non-profit mission on weekends as a volunteer.
I have; my "patchwork" of jobs have enabled me to save up a comfortable emergency fund in the 3+years since college. I have the short-term savings, am building my retirement savings and have zero debt, all that's missing is a steady, F/T income.
It's been a logistical nightmare trying to nail down two permanent, P/T positions because of lack of schedule flexibility w/my current job. I've been filling the gap w/freelance and temp work, but gave up that fight after getting hosed on my taxes this year...my Obamacare provider got thrown off by my fluctuating income/job status and punished me severely. Steady F/T work or bust.
I feel like I'm screaming off the top of my lungs yet still get raked across the coals here. Is it because of my past threads more than anything else?
I feel like I'm screaming off the top of my lungs yet still get raked across the coals here. What gives?
Wait ... what??? ... "raked across the coals"??? Is that how you typically respond to simple accountability?
You came here for advice, remember? This isn't really about dating. You are almost 30 and despite being an excellent written communicator appear to have no real prospects for supporting yourself, just handy excuses.
I remember you talking about how it took you 7 years to get your degree because of several "issues and setbacks." What happened, really?
It's not the "living at home" per se that is a problem.
It's the story that follows that statement. It's one thing to live at home but be employed full time and with a goal of saving for a specific type of place in a specific location.
It's another to live at home getting "some" hours but with no real plan, no sense of urgency or hope. That kind of thing DOES come across.
I agree, along with what I inferred.
But of course the OP won't see it that way. He'll look for any other reason besides himself as to why he isn't being successful with women. The OP doesn't really want any 'advice' that counters what he thinks is turning off the women.
I'm not trying to be unnecessarily harsh towards the OP, but again, based on some of his past threads, he needs to work on his own issues of self esteem, self confidence, things of that sort, before he's going to be successful with any woman.
Again, women do not find guys that are indecisive, timid, weak, weird, remotely attractive at all.
Hey ya'll, I'm back to have some more sense knocked into this noggin...
I've been doing the OLD thing since last November, w/10 dates thus far. With the exception of 2 dates, none of them panned out past the initial one, and I'm convinced that it's largely because of my current financial/living situation. Long story short, I'm a late 20's college grad still living at home (in a high COL area) because I currently don't earn enough at my dead-end job to even shack up w/roommates. This might beg the following questions:
"Do you want to move out?" Hell yes, I'm as independent and self-sufficient as I can be given my circumstances. I'm trying my damnedest, but haven't caught a break yet.
"Are you actively looking for better-paying work?" Yes. Have been on a couple of interviews for solidly-paying positions throughout the first half of this year, which didn't pan out despite my best efforts. Still plugging away.
"Are you complacent w/my current situation?" No. It weighs on me almost every day, and doesn't make me feel good about myself despite everything I've busted my ass for (personally and professionally) up until now.
"Why are you even bothering w/dating while you're financially unstable?" Because I'm pretty gosh darn lonely, and don't feel that my life should be put on hold until I'm stable. It's hard to when damn near everyone around you, friends, family, co-workers, are in a relationship of some sort. It sucks...standing still.
Whenever I've brought up my situation in previous dates, it's almost as if the tone of the date changed on cue...for the worse. I got the vibe that my dates lost respect for me (even though I emphasized that I'm not sitting on my hands and working towards something better), or that I lost whatever stock I'd built up to that point (because many of these dates did start off well). Some didn't even bother contacting me after the date and gave me the good 'ol fade.
I've held out hope that perhaps someone would understand that this is where I'm at, but not where I will be (in a couple of months, fingers crossed), but no dice. In the dating pool I'm dead in the water, or so it seems.
Could this be the sole reason behind my uneventful dates? Definitely not, but it's been a common thread across most of them. I have another date coming up soon, and am worried about history repeating itself again...
Ladies, fellow CD'ers, would living at home and/or being financially unstable be a dealbreaker for you? Should I ever lie about my situation? Thanks in advance.
I had a girl ask me tonight have I ever been out of the country and when I said no she said good luck in my search. lol You see she is a registered nurse who travels every 3 months and expects everyone else to be able to do the same.
I had a girl ask me tonight have I ever been out of the country and when I said no she said good luck in my search. lol You see she is a registered nurse who travels every 3 months and expects everyone else to be able to do the same.
I doubt she wants 'everyone else' to be able to do the same - she's just looking for someone who is compatible with her lifestyle. Don't take it as a personal affront. Find someone whose goals and lifestyle are similar to yours and you won't have to feel such profound rejection.
Wait ... what??? ... "raked across the coals"??? Is that how you typically respond to simple accountability?
You came here for advice, remember? This isn't really about dating. You are almost 30 and despite being an excellent written communicator appear to have no real prospects for supporting yourself, just handy excuses.
I remember you talking about how it took you 7 years to get your degree because of several "issues and setbacks." What happened, really?
It's not the feedback (dating or otherwise), but the impression of people digging or bringing up my post history before even finishing the last sentence of my current one. It feels like I'm being egged on to fail or flare up at the slightest bit of criticism, even by people that I haven't interacted with before. It's not something I do personally with other users at C-D, so I'm puzzled as to why.
As for what happened, it's deeply personal, hence the vagueness. I've opened up about personal situations here before, have been honest and shameful about my failings, and understanding (rather than combative or belligerent) of the criticism I've received. This one's more personal than that, so I can't share.
It's not the feedback (dating or otherwise), but the impression of people digging or bringing up my post history before even finishing the last sentence of my current one. It almost feels like I'm expected to fail or flare up at the slightest bit of criticism, even by people that I haven't interacted before. It's not something I do personally with other users at C-D, so I'm puzzled as to why.
I'm sure you know that the situations we post about aren't localized incidents. Context ALWAYS matters.
It's not really "digging up old posts" to use like ammo; some of us who have been here a long while (too long) actually remember stuff about different people. And the reasons you're having the problem you post about in one subforum usually have something to do with stuff you may have posted in another subforum.
Either way, I've offered what I can here. Real change takes REAL CHANGE. Only you can decide if you are willing to do that.
I have; my "patchwork" of jobs have enabled me to save up a comfortable emergency fund in the 3+years since college. I have the short-term savings, am building my retirement savings and have zero debt, all that's missing is a steady, F/T income.
It's been a logistical nightmare trying to nail down two permanent, P/T positions because of lack of schedule flexibility w/my current job. I've been filling the gap w/freelance and temp work, but gave up that fight after getting hosed on my taxes this year...my Obamacare provider got thrown off by my fluctuating income/job status and punished me severely. Steady F/T work or bust.
I feel like I'm screaming off the top of my lungs yet still get raked across the coals here. Is it because of my past threads more than anything else?
My advice: Do the freelance/temp work anyway. It will beef up your resume, potential contacts for new FT jobs, and you'll be able to tell your dates that you work full time. It will be worth the tax hit, IMO.
Perhaps you should stop concentrating so hard on dating, and concentrate more on trying to make yourself the kind of person someone would want to date. It isnt so much your current situation as much as it is what you are trying to do to fix your current situation.
Attitude is everything.
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