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Sorry to be blunt, but this is one reason why I personally don't believe in having sex so early when dating.
Sure I get it we all need sexual release, but there's a difference between a one night stand (which I don't do anyways) and dating in the potential of a serious relationship.
I think the OP's words belie her true emotions and feelings. She may deny it, but in a way I think she was swept head over heels with this guy. The guy's smooth words were an ego boost to her, hence, she initiated the contact with him to go on another date. If she didn't care, she would never have kept thinking about him enough to want to go on a second date. Of course the guy doesn't respond too eagerly.
I'm not saying it's necessarily this case, but some guys lose respect for a girl that gives it up so easily especially on the first date. There's no challenge there, and what's to say this lady wouldn't do that again in the future with another guy that easily charms her. We can blame it all on the ex all we want but that's not always the whole story.
Different people work differently. I believe it is rude to just disappear and rarely, if ever, do that. Being polite isn't leading someone on in my book.
I mean I certainly wouldn't say lets do this again if I wasn't interested. I usually just don't say anything at all after a date apart from I had fun. If a guy texts me asking for another date, I would just decline but not reject him if I'm not that interested but want to keep him around. By keeping him around, I mean I would see him again at some point soon after the first date but I wouldn't be so eager to see him say after only a week. It's very difficult for me to find out if I like a guy after a handful of dates (except my ex).
Sorry to be blunt, but this is one reason why I personally don't believe in having sex so early when dating.
Sure I get it we all need sexual release, but there's a difference between a one night stand (which I don't do anyways) and dating in the potential of a serious relationship.
I think the OP's words belie her true emotions and feelings. She may deny it, but in a way I think she was swept head over heels with this guy. The guy's smooth words were an ego boost to her, hence, she initiated the contact with him to go on another date. If she didn't care, she would never have kept thinking about him enough to want to go on a second date. Of course the guy doesn't respond too eagerly.
I'm not saying it's necessarily this case, but some guys lose respect for a girl that gives it up so easily especially on the first date. There's no challenge there, and what's to say this lady wouldn't do that again in the future with another guy that easily charms her. We can blame it all on the ex all we want but that's not always the whole story.
Just saying in a hypothetical situation.
Anyways, best move on.
This kind of comment is so silly and reeks of sexism. It takes two to tango. He invited me back to his and we had sex. If anything, he put out and asked for sex not me. And now he deserves any more respect than I do? If we both put out on first date, I don't understand why the girl should deserve the **** title. And the sort of "challenging a man" mentality is so old schooled. I don't play hard to get. If I want to find out if sex is compatible on first date, I will. I lost my virginity to my ex before we started dating seriously and he was the nicest guy I've ever met. All my long term relationship which started with hookups and sex on first dates are memories that I would not forget for the rest of my life.
I'm not head over heals. In fact I have no desire for a relationship. Every time when someone posts a thread like this, there will always be someone who pounces on the opportunity and says OP is hurt that s/he is rejected. This kind of sexist comment really makes me furious
If it had turned out that there was more than just a physical connection, would you have slept with him on the first date?
Yes cos it wasn't planned. And I was attracted to him physically. I don't date guys who hold double standards and think only guys can put out on first date.
Been there!! It's hard enough not being awkward on the first date, let alone first date/sex. I am not going to judge like I said been there done that, but you are right about one thing at least, he probably is still hung up on his ex, and he went out with you and he got some then moved on...glad you are not getting down about it. But don't judge all guys as not being able to trust anything they say. Not all of us are like that.( I don't guess)
Haha thanks I wouldn't judge all guys as players. Sadly I recently dated this wonderful guy but I wasn't attracted to him in a way that would lead to anything serious. It's hard enough to find someone physically attractive (to me) let alone both physically and personally wise.
This kind of comment is so silly and reeks of sexism. It takes two to tango. He invited me back to his and we had sex. If anything, he put out and asked for sex not me. And now he deserves any more respect than I do? If we both put out on first date, I don't understand why the girl should deserve the **** title. And the sort of "challenging a man" mentality is so old schooled. I don't play hard to get. If I want to find out if sex is compatible on first date, I will. I lost my virginity to my ex before we started dating seriously and he was the nicest guy I've ever met. All my long term relationship which started with hookups and sex on first dates are memories that I would not forget for the rest of my life.
I'm not head over heals. In fact I have no desire for a relationship. Every time when someone posts a thread like this, there will always be someone who pounces on the opportunity and says OP is hurt that s/he is rejected. This kind of sexist comment really makes me furious
You totally misrepresented what I was discussing.
I didn't say you or any woman that has sex on the first day 'deserves less respect' than the guy.
I said that, in some hypothetical situations, there are guys that lose respect for a girl that has sex readily on the first date. And this guy in your situation may exactly be one of those guys. These guys did what they needed to do and move on.
And you say you are not head over heels and have no desire for a relationship. Yet, in your reply to timberline, you state that you wouldn't have contacted the guy if you weren't interested, and normally you don't say anything at all after a first date. So, in fact, like I touched upon, you are interested in this guy, you like him enough to want to contact him and see him again. And, you are bothered enough by his response that you felt a need to vent on this forum. If you didn't like him or care, then why bother with all of this?
So again, you contradict yourself.
Not trying to start an argument with you, but I'm just pointing out the obvious from what has been written. As with any other thread on this section asking for 'advice,' I realize you are looking more for emotional support and reassurance than viewpoints from all sides. Nothing wrong with that, but don't automatically start jumping on others because they view things differently. You put it out there, all opinions are fair game.
I didn't say you or any woman that has sex on the first day 'deserves less respect' than the guy.
I said that, in some hypothetical situations, there are guys that lose respect for a girl that has sex readily on the first date. And this guy in your situation may exactly be one of those guys. These guys did what they needed to do and move on.
And you say you are not head over heels and have no desire for a relationship. Yet, in your reply to timberline, you state that you wouldn't have contacted the guy if you weren't interested, and normally you don't say anything at all after a first date. So, in fact, like I touched upon, you are interested in this guy, you like him enough to want to contact him and see him again. And, you are bothered enough by his response that you felt a need to vent on this forum. If you didn't like him or care, then why bother with all of this?
So again, you contradict yourself.
Not trying to start an argument with you, but I'm just pointing out the obvious from what has been written. As with any other thread on this section asking for 'advice,' I realize you are looking more for emotional support and reassurance than viewpoints from all sides. Nothing wrong with that, but don't automatically start jumping on others because they view things differently. You put it out there, all opinions are fair game.
Ofc I was interested and wish he could reciprocate. This is the first time I asked a guy out and now I'm being criticised because I posted my experience? I wasn't butt hurt or had a full blown depression because of it. I used to take rejections seriously thinking it was me and that I was undesirable. I decided I needed to do something to face my fear and I succeeded. I understand there's a place and a time and not all rejections mean I'm at fault (I'm referring to rejections not only in the relationship world). I think now I wouldn't be scared to ask another guy out if I'm interested. I think the reason why a guy who asks for sex on first date then lose interests is majorly because he was looking for sex in the first place. Or that he is the biggest hypocrite in the world.
And by the way, he did give a huge ego boost as I think he was very very attractive lol
Ofc I was interested and would wish he could reciprocate. But I wasn't butt hurt or had a full blown depression because of it. I used to take rejections seriously thinking it was me and that I was undesirable. I decided I needed to do something to face my fear and I succeeded. I understand there's a place and a time and not all rejections mean I'm at fault (I'm referring to rejections not only in the relationship world). I think now I wouldn't be scared to ask another guy out if I'm interested. I think the reason why a guy who asks for sex on first date then lose interests is majorly because he was looking for sex in the first place. Or that he is the biggest hypocrite in the world.
And by the way, he did give a huge ego boost as I think he was very very attractive lol
It may be somewhat sexist, a stereotype and extremely unfair, but the reality is, SG is right, which is why I asked my question.
There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if all you are looking for is a release or a hookup. But if you are actively looking for a longer-term relationship, then IMO, I believe you are going about it the wrong way and it's possible you may have chased away a few opportunities for something more.
You described your date as being awkward. That being the case, I can understand treating it as a "one-off", if you will.
If there was any thought to something more, then holding off to see if there is something there sounds a bit more prudent.
Again, I understand there is a double-standard. It may not be fair, but it doesn't change the reality.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win
It may be somewhat sexist, a stereotype and extremely unfair, but the reality is, SG is right, which is why I asked my question.
There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if all you are looking for is a release or a hookup. But if you are actively looking for a longer-term relationship, then IMO, I believe you are going about it the wrong way and it's possible you may have chased away a few opportunities for something more.
You described your date as being awkward. That being the case, I can understand treating it as a "one-off", if you will.
If there was any thought to something more, then holding off to see if there is something there sounds a bit more prudent.
Again, I understand there is a double-standard. It may not be fair, but it doesn't change the reality.
Any dude that would reject a girl because of early sex isn't worth dating, IMO. Unless he himself thinks he's unworthy of dating because he did exactly the same thing.
People that hold to double standards in life, and even worse, those that promote them, aren't dating material. (They aren't even friend material in my book).
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