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There's a serious element of "I wanna' play house" that goes on when people pass into the thirties demographic. People in America are programmed to have the social need to belong to certain social groups/stages based on age...I'll never understand it. Like I mentioned before, a lot of people are so insecure about little things and overall change related to age and time, so they come up with weird ways to compensate. I recently had a buddy tell me that he's too old to go to concerts...he's 31. Anybody care to explain that crap? He has decided to stay in anymore as "it's the mature thing to do at my age"...he also complains about how he's always single and never can meet anybody. I really do love the logical gap there with all of that...
But this sort of thing really messes with people's heads and causes some serious delusion when it comes to life and behavioral/social options. I really don't think people realize just how easy it is to do your own thing and have fun...it's not "partying", it's going out and having plans; you evolve with time and learn how to do it in bigger and better ways that are more engaging. There needs to be some adventure and stimulation in life, I mean holy crap do I ever not understand what goes on with some people when it comes to age-related issues...especially when you're still young and have both the means and the freedom to explore the world around you. Same with relationships...sitting around and trying to play "grown-up" doesn't help you get to know each other or really build an attachment, at least not in my world.
That's pretty funny but a lot of people subscribe to that, never understood it. It's like you hit a certain age and you should suddenly stop doing things you love because you're "too old".
I've gone to three shows since last Saturday night, and am seeing another this Sunday, and I'll be 50 in a little over two months. Maybe I'll start slowing down when I'm 75 or so.
There's a serious element of "I wanna' play house" that goes on when people pass into the thirties demographic. People in America are programmed to have the social need to belong to certain social groups/stages based on age...I'll never understand it. Like I mentioned before, a lot of people are so insecure about little things and overall change related to age and time, so they come up with weird ways to compensate. I recently had a buddy tell me that he's too old to go to concerts...he's 31. Anybody care to explain that crap? He has decided to stay in anymore as "it's the mature thing to do at my age"...he also complains about how he's always single and never can meet anybody. I really do love the logical gap there with all of that...
But this sort of thing really messes with people's heads and causes some serious delusion when it comes to life and behavioral/social options. I really don't think people realize just how easy it is to do your own thing and have fun...it's not "partying", it's going out and having plans; you evolve with time and learn how to do it in bigger and better ways that are more engaging. There needs to be some adventure and stimulation in life, I mean holy crap do I ever not understand what goes on with some people when it comes to age-related issues...especially when you're still young and have both the means and the freedom to explore the world around you. Same with relationships...sitting around and trying to play "grown-up" doesn't help you get to know each other or really build an attachment, at least not in my world.
He feels like he's too old at 31? LOL, god help him...
And yeah, this is why I advocate just saying "FU" to societal ideals/standards, and what they say you should do at a particular age. Amazes me just how much it destroys some people.
In my experience, definitely early 20s relationships have been about fun. Not too many of my friends got married during this time. Mid to later 20s is when that all started happening. It was easier to meet others earlier as the social circle was large.
I know that in the 30s, the majority of attractive women are either going to be married or divorced with children. So the majority aren't hitting the bar/club scene often. It's much more difficult to meet eligible, attractive people later in life to develop a relationship. Most people are doing their own thing.
(To simplify things and avoid awkward repetitions of "he or she", I'm writing this from a straight man's point of view, which is my own. But this thread can apply to anyone: straight men, straight women, and LGBT's. And everyone is welcome to contribute.)
First, a bit of background for a frame of reference. In middle school, when dating and puberty first starts, relationships (if you could call them that) are more like status symbols, rather than anything having to do with love/romance. That is, if you have a girlfriend, your social status goes up a few notches. Girls want to be with you, and boys look up to you. Of course, people still make jokes about "Person A and Person B, sittin' in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G", but that was done somewhat ironically. People in relationships still acted like they were a part of an elite members-only club.
In high school, dating/relationships became normalized, and people were more "whatever!" about it, despite getting into them for the wrong reasons at times. They started dating because of attraction (or to have a prom date), rather than for social status. Then came college, which is stereotypically more about hooking up than dating, except at some studious schools.
After that, come the 20's, the start of adulthood. Relationships are generally serious at that point. But from what I remember, even when people in my social circle had relationships, they were very "whatever!" about it. Even when people had relationships, they still came out to group outings, they still drank with everyone, and they still partied. The only different is that they had a significant other by their side, with her being just as fun-loving as everyone else in the group. I've even become good friends with a few of the girlfriends, enough to directly ask them for a woman's opinion on things, like a girl I'm pursuing romantically. And their boyfriends trusted me to respect boundaries, since I was friends with them already by then.
But as people aged into their 30's, it feels like things came full-circle back to the middle school mindset. People in relationships are acting smug and self-righteous toward the singles, like they're in an elite members-only club. They even talk proudly about not having time to go out and have fun. Our formerly close-knit social circle splintered into the proverbial haves and have-nots. The "haves" pretty much stopped going out and having fun, preferring to spend time with each other's families or at fancy all-couples dinner parties. The "have-nots" adopted a modified version of the 20's lifestyle: still partying but until 2:00 AM instead of 6:00 AM, and playing Cards Against Humanity instead of grinding with strangers in a bar. My social life now largely consists of Meetup, and occasionally, my single friends.
It a nutshell, it seems like 30's relationships are very sedate, which clashes with my "work hard, play hard" mindset. While 20's relationships seemed incredibly fun. Like most men, I want a relationship, and I'd never cheat no matter what. I want someone who'll be my partner in fun, "Bonnie and Clyde"-style. But that's not what I've been seeing lately among people I know.
Am I correct? Is all this normal? Or is it just my own social circle that's like this? The floor is open!
Despite taking several large characterizations, I must admit I followed your entire post and found it pretty much spot on. I did my college/20's in Chicago and early on it seemed people would pair up, marry and then go to the suburbs to die...rarely to be heard from again. The party continues as the younger members of the group replace the ones that left... As long as you're not one of the old ones, it's all good.
With the 5:00 crowds, the hook-up was still in play, but you gotta do it outside your groups as you get older and the game gets a lot higher. As you discover new groups, you're pretty much only at 1 person for new group. It keeps a hook-up from getting confused as a repeated pattern. The game takes energy, and at some point people begin to start to think...how does Mrs. Right Look vs Mrs. Right Now. So basically, the game gets harder the longer you're in it, but if your successful and manage to keep expanding in a good way, the rewards get pretty good. I recall one amazing cat who could salsa the panties off seemingly any girl half his age. You just had to bow down to guy when in action.
I don't think the serious/married couples intend to separate themselves so completely, but the lifestyles are just incompatible. After a bit of time living together, people want a space they can blend in. (Not his place/her place but our place). For many, the affordability factor leaves the suburbs. So people go, and they get used to big lanes, parking lots, early commutes and suburban groups of parents. It's new and novel, so you do it. Time always flies by, and you turn to return to the group in the city, and you know fewer of the people still there. The group keeps moving on....and if you were having trouble running til 5 before, imagine doing it and going home in the burbs. And no, you need to get home. You absolutely cannot crash in the city because that means something on the homefront. At some point you have to shut it off. More importantly, at some point you want to shut it off.
Running to the city and making a random meaningless hookup? Doing lines in a back room to make the jump from 5:00 to 7:00 when the party can continue? These just doesn't go anywhere near that equation. It's not even exciting...it's just a mistake. One to downplay if in the past, but certainly not one to make in the future. People shouldn't be horrible about it, but that's what's going on.
There's a serious element of "I wanna' play house" that goes on when people pass into the thirties demographic. People in America are programmed to have the social need to belong to certain social groups/stages based on age...I'll never understand it. Like I mentioned before, a lot of people are so insecure about little things and overall change related to age and time, so they come up with weird ways to compensate. I recently had a buddy tell me that he's too old to go to concerts...he's 31. Anybody care to explain that crap? He has decided to stay in anymore as "it's the mature thing to do at my age"...he also complains about how he's always single and never can meet anybody. I really do love the logical gap there with all of that...
But this sort of thing really messes with people's heads and causes some serious delusion when it comes to life and behavioral/social options. I really don't think people realize just how easy it is to do your own thing and have fun...it's not "partying", it's going out and having plans; you evolve with time and learn how to do it in bigger and better ways that are more engaging. There needs to be some adventure and stimulation in life, I mean holy crap do I ever not understand what goes on with some people when it comes to age-related issues...especially when you're still young and have both the means and the freedom to explore the world around you. Same with relationships...sitting around and trying to play "grown-up" doesn't help you get to know each other or really build an attachment, at least not in my world.
LOL, what's the acceptable age where you're no longer "playing house" or "playing grown-up," but are, you know, actual adults living your actual lives?
Despite taking several large characterizations, I must admit I followed your entire post and found it pretty much spot on. I did my college/20's in Chicago and early on it seemed people would pair up, marry and then go to the suburbs to die...rarely to be heard from again. The party continues as the younger members of the group replace the ones that left... As long as you're not one of the old ones, it's all good.
With the 5:00 crowds, the hook-up was still in play, but you gotta do it outside your groups as you get older and the game gets a lot higher. As you discover new groups, you're pretty much only at 1 person for new group. It keeps a hook-up from getting confused as a repeated pattern. The game takes energy, and at some point people begin to start to think...how does Mrs. Right Look vs Mrs. Right Now. So basically, the game gets harder the longer you're in it, but if your successful and manage to keep expanding in a good way, the rewards get pretty good. I recall one amazing cat who could salsa the panties off seemingly any girl half his age. You just had to bow down to guy when in action.
I don't think the serious/married couples intend to separate themselves so completely, but the lifestyles are just incompatible. After a bit of time living together, people want a space they can blend in. (Not his place/her place but our place). For many, the affordability factor leaves the suburbs. So people go, and they get used to big lanes, parking lots, early commutes and suburban groups of parents. It's new and novel, so you do it. Time always flies by, and you turn to return to the group in the city, and you know fewer of the people still there. The group keeps moving on....and if you were having trouble running til 5 before, imagine doing it and going home in the burbs. And no, you need to get home. You absolutely cannot crash in the city because that means something on the homefront. At some point you have to shut it off. More importantly, at some point you want to shut it off.
Running to the city and making a random meaningless hookup? Doing lines in a back room to make the jump from 5:00 to 7:00 when the party can continue? These just doesn't go anywhere near that equation. It's not even exciting...it's just a mistake. One to downplay if in the past, but certainly not one to make in the future. People shouldn't be horrible about it, but that's what's going on.
You nailed it with this post. This is what all my friends described moving on to the next stage. My next stage is similar, but as a single guy. I partied a lot into my late 20s and I found myself in some situations I just didn't need to be in. I had to slow things down, not because partying wasn't fun (even though it had lost a portion of its allure), but I needed to really get my life under control. Essentially, I had been hanging on to being a "kid". I'm not one who states that going out and drinking and partying is bad, but I was incredibly irresponsible. I opted to choose a slower pace in life, which was conducive to me reaching my goal of the success I'm enjoying now in my career.
You see a goal in life that you want to obtain, and to obtain it, you have to be open to changing your life around. That goes for the single, the relationship minded, and the married.
So it seems the OP's post is simply about growing up and becoming more responsible and placing a higher value on life goals. Well, no mystery there. Happens to most of us, thank God.
Doesn't mean you can't still "go to a concert at 50", although frankly, I've not been to an outdoor concert in years because I refuse to stand for the entire thing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Doesn't mean you can't still "go to a concert at 50", although frankly, I've not been to an outdoor concert in years because I refuse to stand for the entire thing.
Don't most outdoor concerts people put blankets on the ground and chill?
It's the indoor shows that I generally stand at because they're in clubs. I've totally given up wearing my "good" footwear to those and now totally go for comfort, haha.
Don't most outdoor concerts people put blankets on the ground and chill?
It's the indoor shows that I generally stand at because they're in clubs. I've totally given up wearing my "good" footwear to those and now totally go for comfort, haha.
Not here they don't! They start off that way - and then about the 2nd song, everyone stands up so you can't see a damn thing unless you stand. It's SO ANNOYING! Occasionally they'll even let you bring lawn chairs (completely depends on the artist - most prohibit everything) but if you stay seated, you'll have audio only.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Not here they don't! They start off that way - and then about the 2nd song, everyone stands up so you can't see a damn thing unless you stand. It's SO ANNOYING! Occasionally they'll even let you bring lawn chairs (completely depends on the artist - most prohibit everything) but if you stay seated, you'll have audio only.
Oh damn, I can see that being annoying. I guess it depends on the venue, I was thinking of something like the fests I saw at Golden Gate Park and the like.
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