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Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,327 times
Reputation: 683
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Hi everyone,
It has been awhile. Anyway I will cut the chase, I am thinking about a fwb relationship. 1. Because men my age suck and b. Most dont want relationships and c. I am tired of being a "good girl" and growing cob webs. By 30 I would like to at least feel more sure of myself in the bedroom. So until I do find someone that is my match, I have beem debating about whether I can handle a fwb relationship with them.
I do know I am a bit of a romantic and I know I can be sensitive, so all things to think about. But I also know I want intimacy and need a healthy dose of it. I also know I am 24 and feel rather unhappy about not being confident in my own sexuality.
For 2 years I practiced celibacy while I mulled over the question of waiting til marriage or embracing my sexuality. After analyzing my fears about sexual intimacy, stemming from a religiously rigid upbringing, I have come to feel like developing a healthy sense of sexuality is a good thing. And should not be something I feel ashamed of.
Also, just to be frank. I dont want to suck or feel self conscious when I do meet a man I would hope (seems presumptious to say as of now) to be my bf.
Any advice on how to proceed with my choice? Any tips to help me keep my heart protected and unattached?
It has been awhile. Anyway I will cut the chase, I am thinking about a fwb relationship. 1. Because men my age suck and b. Most dont want relationships and c. I am tired of being a "good girl" and growing cob webs. By 30 I would like to at least feel more sure of myself in the bedroom. So until I do find someone that is my match, I have beem debating about whether I can handle a fwb relationship with them.
I do know I am a bit of a romantic and I know I can be sensitive, so all things to think about. But I also know I want intimacy and need a healthy dose of it. I also know I am 24 and feel rather unhappy about not being confident in my own sexuality.
For 2 years I practiced celibacy while I mulled over the question of waiting til marriage or embracing my sexuality. After analyzing my fears about sexual intimacy, stemming from a religiously rigid upbringing, I have come to feel like developing a healthy sense of sexuality is a good thing. And should not be something I feel ashamed of.
Also, just to be frank. I dont want to suck or feel self conscious when I do meet a man I would hope (seems presumptious to say as of now) to be my bf.
Any advice on how to proceed with my choice? Any tips to help me keep my heart protected and unattached?
My advice don't do it.
Why? You say you are a romantic and can be sensitive, FWB those two things and FWBs don't really mix well. Which is why FWBs rarely work out. Someone almost always catches feelings, and in your situation that person would more than likely be YOU. If you can differentiate love and sexual feelings, then MAYBE but otherwise I advise against trying to have this type of relationship.
Also not having sex with anyone does not mean you are ashamed of your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to come along.
It has been awhile. Anyway I will cut the chase, I am thinking about a fwb relationship. 1. Because men my age suck and b. Most dont want relationships and c. I am tired of being a "good girl" and growing cob webs. By 30 I would like to at least feel more sure of myself in the bedroom. So until I do find someone that is my match, I have beem debating about whether I can handle a fwb relationship with them.
I do know I am a bit of a romantic and I know I can be sensitive, so all things to think about. But I also know I want intimacy and need a healthy dose of it. I also know I am 24 and feel rather unhappy about not being confident in my own sexuality.
For 2 years I practiced celibacy while I mulled over the question of waiting til marriage or embracing my sexuality. After analyzing my fears about sexual intimacy, stemming from a religiously rigid upbringing, I have come to feel like developing a healthy sense of sexuality is a good thing. And should not be something I feel ashamed of.
Also, just to be frank. I dont want to suck or feel self conscious when I do meet a man I would hope (seems presumptious to say as of now) to be my bf.
Any advice on how to proceed with my choice? Any tips to help me keep my heart protected and unattached?
It has been awhile. Anyway I will cut the chase, I am thinking about a fwb relationship. 1. Because men my age suck and b. Most dont want relationships and c. I am tired of being a "good girl" and growing cob webs. By 30 I would like to at least feel more sure of myself in the bedroom. So until I do find someone that is my match, I have beem debating about whether I can handle a fwb relationship with them.
I do know I am a bit of a romantic and I know I can be sensitive, so all things to think about. But I also know I want intimacy and need a healthy dose of it. I also know I am 24 and feel rather unhappy about not being confident in my own sexuality.
For 2 years I practiced celibacy while I mulled over the question of waiting til marriage or embracing my sexuality. After analyzing my fears about sexual intimacy, stemming from a religiously rigid upbringing, I have come to feel like developing a healthy sense of sexuality is a good thing. And should not be something I feel ashamed of.
Also, just to be frank. I dont want to suck or feel self conscious when I do meet a man I would hope (seems presumptious to say as of now) to be my bf.
Any advice on how to proceed with my choice? Any tips to help me keep my heart protected and unattached?
Firstly I completely agree that having a healthy sexuality is a great thing and nothing at all to be ashamed about
To be honest FWB is not for everyone..... its obviously a great way to have regular sex and at the same time not be attached as such.... However it can also be a good foundation to finding a future relationship as well should you find one you like enough as you pretty much know each other inside and out ( no pun intended )
I've had many such FWB and it's terrific.... Emotionally though you will care for them more than you would a FB as they are technically friends and after spending a lot of time with them it's natural to get attached in some capacity ( not full blown love but generally ).
I can understand your logic in feeling comfortable sexually before you start a relationship but honestly I cant see why you think you need a FWB to improve it?...... If your worried that you will be judged on your lack of experience I wouldn't be surprised if you had more prejudice in an FWB because it's predominantly based around sex.... If you see?
I truly believe that just by being honest and upfront with your experience with men will enable you to find more compatible ones that will be much more understanding towards you
Why? You say you are a romantic and can be sensitive, FWB those two things and FWBs don't really mix well. Which is why FWBs rarely work out. Someone almost always catches feelings, and in your situation that person would more than likely be YOU. If you can differentiate love and sexual feelings, then MAYBE but otherwise I advise against trying to have this type of relationship.
Also not having sex with anyone does not mean you are ashamed of your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to come along.
Agreed with this. Plus it can be even more difficult if you're no experienced and comfortable yet, because with the lack of experience, it will probably show. And a man who has no feelings for you probably will not be patient waiting for you to get into the groove of things.
In many cases, people want casual sex relations with those that are ALREADY experienced and comfortable with themselves, rather than having to "waste" (for them) time teaching someone and waiting for them to gain confidence, before the fun can really start.
A boyfriend may be more understanding and patient than a casual sex partner will. Casual relationships don't make you a bad person. But not everyone can handle them, especially if they're sensitive in general already. The right person for you will accept you as is. Whether you had sex with nobody, or hundreds.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,327 times
Reputation: 683
All really good points to consider. I guess I saw it as a trade off, he gets regular sex and I get to learn and become more comfortable sexually. But perhaps this is all presumptious and naive thinking. I still will think it over because I really do not think I want to date with the **** poor quality of guys in my age bracket. But I think I will wait awhile and see how I feel with time before impulsively jumping into something I may or may not enjoy in the long run.
It has been awhile. Anyway I will cut the chase, I am thinking about a fwb relationship. 1. Because men my age suck and b. Most dont want relationships and c. I am tired of being a "good girl" and growing cob webs. By 30 I would like to at least feel more sure of myself in the bedroom. So until I do find someone that is my match, I have beem debating about whether I can handle a fwb relationship with them.
I do know I am a bit of a romantic and I know I can be sensitive, so all things to think about. But I also know I want intimacy and need a healthy dose of it. I also know I am 24 and feel rather unhappy about not being confident in my own sexuality.
For 2 years I practiced celibacy while I mulled over the question of waiting til marriage or embracing my sexuality. After analyzing my fears about sexual intimacy, stemming from a religiously rigid upbringing, I have come to feel like developing a healthy sense of sexuality is a good thing. And should not be something I feel ashamed of.
Also, just to be frank. I dont want to suck or feel self conscious when I do meet a man I would hope (seems presumptious to say as of now) to be my bf.
Any advice on how to proceed with my choice? Any tips to help me keep my heart protected and unattached?
Why not go for an older man that would actually respect you and your desire to have meaningful relationship?
It's interesting you mention being 30 with cobwebs but are 24. Damn honey you're still ripe off the vine.
There's plenty of time
All really good points to consider. I guess I saw it as a trade off, he gets regular sex and I get to learn and become more comfortable sexually. But perhaps this is all presumptious and naive thinking. I still will think it over because I really do not think I want to date with the **** poor quality of guys in my age bracket. But I think I will wait awhile and see how I feel with time before impulsively jumping into something I may or may not enjoy in the long run.
Thanks everyone.
Honestly it's not for everyone and even though it's billed as " no strings " it still has the potential for drama and attachments
Finding a good bloke is priceless so should it arise go for it!!!
Why are you specifically looking for a FWB to "embrace your sexuality"? That certainly can be done within a committed relationship... Or is this really about running in the opposite direction of your upbringing and doing whatever you can to be your definition of a "bad girl"? Whether you're adhering to rigid religious beliefs or fleeing into the persona of a bad girl you're still just REACTING instead of experiencing and actually learning.
And going from the extreme of celibacy to bad girl? How about taking things a little slower since you admit that you are sensitive? I think you're just plain scared so slow it down and think about what you really want and what you might like.
Why try to 'change' and be something you are not at your core?
Just because some people like to sleep around and be the 'bad' girl (or boy), doesn't mean it's for everyone.
There are plenty of people out there that respect and like partners that are honest, decent, and faithful and wouldn't think of sleeping around like there's no tomorrow.
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